MR. GRISWOLD, PAGING MR. CLARK GRISWOLD

The 2010 Spinster Stitcher Outdoor Festival of Lights Extravaganza

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in a hot bath muttering something about weather reports and guilt. I'm not sure what happened exactly, but somehow the old lady heard "massive amounts of snow fall" and she got it in her head that this meant it was impending within the very next fifteen minutes. So she strapped on her Kmart mens' slippers that she thinks look like clogs (they don't...trust me) and out she went.

Can you believe it? For the first time in my entire five years on this earth, my mo-ther FINALLY got her freakin' act together and did something right when it comes to the celebration of the holiday season. From what I can tell, she actually went through all of the crap in the garage and carefully selected what would adorn the outside of the house and then...get this...she planned it out on paper! No hissy fits. No staple gun mishaps. Just a calm execution of a very well thought out plan. Ahem.

Now you might be wondering how the heck she hung that wreath over the garage. Well let me tell you that it did NOT involve my Aunt Chrissy this year. (*) Mom has been feeling rather sheepish about all of the stuff that her little sister does for her (without complaint or so much as a "I'll do it when I damn well feel like it" thank you very much), so she wanted to see if she could get the decorating done without having to make the "Don't you feel guilty that you aren't over here right this very minute addressing my every whim" call that she inevitably makes each year.

The wreath is attached to the house by way of a very sophisticated system. A few years back, Mom bolted a plant hanger to the house and then wired the wreath to it. Seeing how this worked like a charm despite the natural laws of physics, this is the method that has been employed ever since. So Mom bolted the plant hanger on, dragged the wreath up the studio stairs, and then stuffed it out the window and wired it to within an inch of its very life.

The UPS guy thought it was hilarious, especially since he happened to be coming down the street just as the wreath popped out of the window. He said it looked like the scene in the Grinch when he stuffs the tree up the chimley.

I'm very very pleased with the results thus far, and I can only hope that this means we will have more than the pathetic tableau that has been before us the last few years here inside the actual homestead. If you have any doubt as to my critique of the previous decorating attempts and/or the crazy ass idea my mom has about what constitutes a proper Christmas tree, just page back through this here blog and you'll see what a mess she usually makes of things.

So we're off to the races here in Spinsters' Corners and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Mom is headed to the grocery tomorrow for all of the feast fixin's, so I'll be sure to give you a full report.

Oh...Rusty O'Toole is completed, but the light in here is lousy for photography, so we'll show you a pic tomorrow. But I will begrudgingly admit that he's OK for a scarecrow.

With love from your pal,

Stewey

(*) Aunt Chrissy did have to come over to bolt the bottom portion of the wreath to the house, but that's just because my mom isn't allowed to get on a ladder without adult supervision.