Nov 8, 2010


I'm not sure what it is exactly. Maybe the moon. Maybe my moon. Maybe it's just the universe conspiring against me to work that last nerve I have right up into a tizzy fit.

For some dumb ass reason, I seem to be taking everything very very personally lately.

Not just personally. But personally in a way that makes me question my very own sanity in the face of what can only be described as the most stupidest stuff on the planet for which to get one's proverbial underpants in such a wad.

It all began with my big mistake at the Targets. Aunt Chrissy and I ran over there for some provisions, like toilet paper and socks, and after I batted eyelashes at the handsome pharmacist and got my flu shot, we headed over to the electronic section to look at the TeeVees. We do that, don't you know...look at the Target TeeVees. I think it has something to do with the fact that we both presently own TeeVees that are circa 1947 and are both in desperate need of replacing. So we go to the Targets and we stand there in front of these new fangled TeeVees that they have there and we gasp and gawp and say "So THIS is what TeeVee is supposed to look like".

As we were leaving that general area, I spied the DVD rack of all of the latest releases, and before I knew it, the Sex and The City 2 disc was in my little shopping cart. (I also bought a new pair of spanky sweater knit slippers, but that's another post for another day.)

The first time I watched the movie (with a full bowl of popcorn and a dietCoke that I had been saving all damn day), I paused the DVD player thingie about 10 minutes in and said "Huh?". I picked up the box to read if I had mistakenly picked up some kind of wacko SATC blooper reel, or perhaps the nice people over there at the National Lampoon had decided to get a jump on the holidays and release their version early and I had picked it up by mistake.

Nope. I was watching the real live actual movie as it was shown in the theaters, and I have to tell you that after viewing it a full three times now I am miffed beyond the capacity for rational thought. Let's just say that I think that Michael Patrick King and SJP not only owe me a refund, they owe me and every other person who actually watched the freakin show on HBO from the get go and got somewhat invested in the characters a heartfelt and profound apology.

Damn! Just sitting here typing this I'm getting mad as hell again over the fact that I was not only dumb enough to buy a movie that everybody and their brother said was awful, I was colossally dumb enough to watch it a FULL THREE TIMES just to make sure that I wasn't just in a bad mood the first time and that I was giving it a fair shake.

Bad doesn't describe it, kids. They took that franchise and drive it right off the cliff. Shame shame shame on them and on me for falling for it.

(Oh, and by the way, Mr. King, if you're reading this and would like...oh, I don't know...about FIFTY different ways that movie could have been good (if not great), then come on over to Hoosierville and Aunt Chrissy and I will share with you all of the plot twists, character points, and story lines that we came up with in the fifteen minutes after we got done cussing about the two and a half hours we wasted on Saturday night watching the damn thing.)

See? All worked up again, and all over some stupid movie!

This, of course, prompted me to go off my nut over the new Toyota commercials with the cute little blonde-haired kid who bitches about the fact that he has a low "geek tolerance", or something to that effect. His basic message is that he's just too damn cool for the room and that he would rather be caught dead than be carted about in a wood paneled station wagon. Apparently only a well appointed SUV is good enough to take him to wherever it is he has to go.

We can all be very very thankful to God Himself that a) I don't work for Toyota or b) I don't own a six-year old who thinks it fully appropriate to tell the world what "works for him". If this kid were mine, the conversation would be more of a "Listen, you little #@&(@, I make the car payment around here and unless you want to hoof it to Gymboree or to your Wednesday play date, you better put your little ass in the car, buckle up, and keep the lip zipped. Got it?"

This would be accompanied by a stern look and then turnips for dinner just to hammer home the point. Stupid little prat.

My last straw was the toilet paper commercial with the cartoon bears that can't seem to keep the "pieces" from sticking to their heiney fur. Now I really have to wonder what the heck it is about this ad that sends me right into orbit, but I can tell you that I don't buy Charmin because of it, and I somehow find the whole premise of it more offensive than hard core pornography. Tiger Woods mistress wants to put her hoo-ha all over some men's magazine? Go for it. I could care the hell less. But you show me a bear with toilet tissue stuck to his butt and I'm calling for war.

Stewey is hiding under the bed and I suspect that he will be dialing up the pharmacy first thing in the morning for some heavy duty sedatives. All I know in the meantime is that he's unplugged the DVD player, I can't find the remote control to anything around here, and he's got soft music playing next to my reading chair in the bedroom in hopes that I'll calm down and just go in there and finish the novel I'm reading. (Lovely book, actually....Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo.)

So that's the early Tuesday report from Chez Spinster. Don't worry about me, Argentina. All will be well and back to normal unless Sarah Jessica Parker decides to pull up in my driveway with a Toyota loaded with Charmin. If that happens, all I can say is "Stay tuned for film at 11".


  1. I don't care for that ad with the blond boy and the car that is cool enough for him to be seen in, either. Wow that was a long sentance. Besides, who are they targeting? Kids can't drive. Walking is good for them.

    I read something the other day that said DVD players were now obsolete since some other exspensive apparatus (smart something or other - smart phone?) has hit the market. Not only is the geek tech devise costly, but just look at that monthly plan you have to pay for to be able to access the interenet and the phone. Heck, I still haven't purchased a DVD player! I really dislike being forced to purchase something because some big corporation wants to make another buck off me. And I don't think I will. I'll stitch something instead.

  2. Coni,
    you are right about everything in this post... that Toyota commercial is awful!!
    I think you need to just spend some time with your new guy(he is looking fabulous).
    Hope the rest of the week mellows out for you :)

  3. Right there with you about the Toyota commercial, Coni! And come to think of it, about any commercial that makes parents look stupid and kids look like they know everything about everything. Enough already!!

    Your scarecrow is looking great -- fantastic colors :-)

  4. The motto around our house is, "you get what you get and be glad that you're getting it." That pretty much covers every complaint from what car we drive to what's on the table for dinner. Like you, I'd be making the Toyota brat walk!

    I hate the toilet paper commercial too. I avoid commercials whenever possible as a matter of principle. I do like the Woodchuck commercial though.

    I'm sorry you were so disappointed in SATC movie...

  5. Thank you! I thought I was the only one that was so annoyed by the Toyoto commercial that I wanted to drive my Chevy through the TV set. I hope that kid is saving his money because his "I'm smarter than my parents" attitude will ensure that I never watch anything he is in again, even if he becomes the future king of movie land.

    I hope Stewey is feeling better, and I love how Rusty is progressing.

  6. You mean it`s not just me that wants to smack the snot out of that blond kid??? I`m so glad...I was feeling lonely. Ditto with the Charmin commercial. I think it`s gross. If there is one thing I don`t want to think about while enjoying my coffee is dingle balls stuck to some fat bears hiney!!

    I guess i`ll skip the SITC movie...I picked up the HP ultimate editions to feed my HP those are some cute (and very well grounded) kiddies!

    Kisses to Stewey...

  7. Girl, I like the way you think!! Thanks for the smile!

  8. I actually did not HATE the SATC 2 movie, but thought the first one was much better and on point. I bought it also, and wished I had just rented it. Ugh.

    There are many, many commercials that get me in a tizzy, to use your word. Those stupid ass Kay Jewelers commercials that come on around a holiday, like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, and should be on the tube any day now for Christmas just make me cringe and want to throw something. NO ONE has relationships like that, or kids who are happy that mom is getting a beautiful diamond ring or necklace. Instead, they're barging into the moment saying where is my gift? I have not seen that Toyota ad yet but I will be keeping my eyes peeled for it.

    I do like, however, the commercial with the baby who is a stock trader and he is using a laptop in his crib and then his mom comes in and says something like you're not supposed to have that, and then as soon as she leaves he whips out an iPhone and says "I love technology." Cracks me up every time.

  9. Coni - You hit the nail on the head!!! The toyota commercial is terrible the toilet paper one drives me BATTY and although I haven't actually yet seen (nor plan to) the SATC 2 movie from what I hear it is a huge waste of time. Thanks for your always candid reviews and for letting me know that I'm not the only one that can't stand those two commercials!!! :-) Whew!!! I feel better now! Have a good day and I hope you feel like you got to reclaim that time by stitching away today! Meredith

  10. I hate that Toyota commercial! Every time I see it I want to smack that little kid. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

  11. OMG! I've got to quit reading your posts Coni while drinking my early morning diet's killing me passing diet coke thru my nose while laughing. I hate that Toyota commercial as well and just want to smack that marketing person upside the head for thinking it was a good ad campaign.

  12. I haven't seen the Toyota commercial yet. Or SATC II because I'm waiting to see it for free. Does it at least have some good music?

    And count me as another person who does not buy Charmin because of those stupid bear commercials!

  13. OMG. Poor Stewey. With that mood you are in I do hope he stays hidden for a while.

    With the horrible quaility of commercials today I guess you have a right to be in a state. I have seen those commercials but to tell you the truth I am usually stitching so I don't really pay that close attention to them.

    Something that just might help that mood you are in. CHOCOLATE! Lots and lots of chocolate. Turn off the TeeVee and put on some music. Say Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. Get out your baton and contuct the orchestra. By the time the canons fire you will be totally worn out and have forgotten all about those silly commercials. (Always a good way to vent any anger, hostility and frustration. And if done right it is a great form of exercising.)

  14. I laughed like crazy and didn't take a sip of my water while doing so - I was prepared! You are right about all of it! I hardly ever watch TV anymore and can't stand most of the kids in commercials - must be a trend, but it doesn't bode well for the future when they grow up. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea for a commercial?
    As for the bits of paper sticking to bear butts (pun intended) - what is there to say that you haven't said? Do we really need to have this brought to our attention? Did we not already know about it? And choose not to mention it!!!

  15. I hate those stupid toilet paper bears, too. Gross!!! Have you seen the one where the man bear is sitting on the toilet caressing the toilet paper? ACK!

    Richard Russo is WONDERFUL WONDERFUL. He's my favorite author. If you haven't read Straight Man, and you need about a thousand good belly laughs, go buy it. I've read it three times, and it still makes me laugh.

  16. I had no desire to see SATC2 and now will never be tempted, even when it appears on my Netflix instant view list. I do tend to filter out the ads but have found that Toyota child irritating in the extreme. Not sure who they're trying to reach with that ad. As for the Charmin bears, I hate them, have from the first commercial, but I loves my Charmin. No commercial is going to change my preference for TP. Hahahaha.

  17. Ditto your thoughts Coni - i hate both of those commercials plus the recent TP ad that has a bunch of women talking about how clean the tp gets them! Gross! TV continues to sink to new lows. I never was a SATC gal but the previews of that movie looked a bit silly. I'm working my way thru Seasons 1 thru 3 of Boston Legal while I'm recuperating....the oxycodone helps of course LOL.

  18. BWAH-HA-HA-HA! I just died laughing at this one. My mom and I were just talking about the bears and the Toyota commercials... and we agree. Then again, I'm a 45yo spinster, and well, what can I say? I have found it very hard in stores and other public places to not say "Hmmm, your kid is running rampant and destroying things. I bet you don't allow that with your own possessions. Can I help you with the discipline? For the kid, and for you?"

    And, these kids that think they need cell phones, and worse yet, the idiot parents that provide them...

    Whatever happened to the days when we were put in the back of a car (sans seatbelt) and told "be quiet, it doesn't matter when we get there. If you can't be quiet and stop pinching your sister, I'll pull over. I really will. And, I don't care if she's touching you! Deal with it!"

    Heaven help me when I'm in the nursing home needing a diaper change and the kidlets who cared more about their mode of transportation than their education are my caretakers.

    Thanks for adding another laugh to my day!

  19. I don't buy Charmin for the exact same reason and I was also dumbfounded at the absurdity that was SATC 2.

  20. Yes, SATC 2 was a huge disappointment. It's sad to admit that SATC 1 made me cry, but SATC 2 just had me squirming.

  21. While I find the Charmin commercial most offensive, the one that really sends me to the moon is a new one I saw recently for some brand of toilet paper. I can't even remember which I was so outraged and preoccupied shooting my husband "are they serious" looks from across the room. These idiot women were sitting around talking about how they needed strong toilet paper to not only get their collective butts clean, but to keep their hand clean. That about did it for me. I guess I have gone through life happily unaware that people around me were having such major butt wiping issues. Oh the humanity! I think these people need to just start wiping butts on tree trunks to loosen all their collected debris, or drag ass on the ground like a dog with worms. Geez, can we all shut up about it now?

  22. Those Sonic commercials drive my mom over the edge. Everytime they come on she starts in about how stupid they are! I think her reaction is kind of funny.
    PS-- My response to my kid--when you start paying the bills we will do that, but until then we are doing it my way!

  23. I echo that point about the Toyota commercial! All I can think of is "some spoiled little rich kid", LOL!

    I do have to say that I am not a SATC fan and when I saw the commercials for the 2nd movie I thought it looked dumber than ... well, I won't upset you with my drabble about that show. I still think of SJP as that nerd from "Square Pegs", HA!

    I hope Wednesday proves to be a happier day for you and that Stewey stays away from the telephone and pharmacist.

  24. Glad I never got into Sex and the City. That Toyota commercial bugs me too. Any commercial where the children act uppity makes me want to, well, smack my own kids so they don't get foolish ideas.

    They are glad they are all grown and live a few thousand miles away.

  25. LOL...I about fell out of my chair laughing from reading your rant about the Toyota commercial. I totally agree with you! Thanks for making me smile (and laugh) today...I really needed it!

  26. Ha ha ha ha ha! Hilarious. I hate that Toyota kid too. Little Jerk. If my kid ever acts like that, he'll be walking his ass to school.

  27. lol I'm so glad it's not just me who has those kind of rants!!!