THE BETTER TO SEE YOU WITH, MY DEAR

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy prancing about the house with her fancypants eyeglasses on her face. This in itself wouldn't be so much of a problem were it not for the fact that she has decided to wear ALL THREE pairs of said fancypants eyeglasses at once. Um, can you say....."MOMMIE DEAREST IS A BIG DOOFUS?"

I've also discovered that my stupid mo-ther and my Aunt Chrissy are crazy nuts for some restaurant here in Hoosierville that serves raw fish. Blech. What in the hell anybody would want with raw fish is beyond me, but these two have visited that place three times this week. (And it's only Thursday!) Mom doesn't even LIKE raw fish, but off she goes with Aunt Chrissy with the idea in her head that she is going to look really really cool eating with chopsticks. (She doesn't, but that somehow doesn't deter her very much.) (Please see: "DOOFUS" above.)

As for me, I am headed to my perch to watch a few movies. I've taped Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and I intend to watch it with the same rapt attention that my mo-ther gives it every single time it's on the TeeVee. I'm pretty sure that it is actually a children's movie, but she seems to really like it. No judgement, but I would imagine that she likes it because it's just about enough for her pea sized intellect to handle in one sitting. After that, I think I'm going to catch Vickie Christina Barcelona again, since the first time I watched, it was constantly interrupted by Mo-ther making kissy noises at the screen and then rewinding it over and over and over again. Woody Allen would be furious, and I intend to screen it the way he intended....in my little silk smoking jacket with some small plate appetizers and a nice sherry for company.

When Mom stops acting like such a freakin' goofball, I'll make sure that she plants herself in the Happy Chair and stitches. She's very very close to finally finishing Strawberry Shortcake, so I think I will push her along until this one is finally headed for the finisher. I asked her if we might make it into a pillow for the bed, but she said that she was thinking purse. Stay tuned.

Here's a few pics of the fancypants glasses. If you'd like to get an idea of what they look like on Mom's actual face, just imagine a very sweaty bowling ball and you're all set. (Just don't forget the pony tail hair-do.)

Good Lord, do you think that woman could look in a mirror once in a while? If her 1984-ish bangs get any higher, I'm going to have to break out the jelly bracelets and denim mini, and NOBODY needs to see that. When I said "Mo-ther, your look is SO 1980's, she just glared at me and said "Stewey, dearest, your Mommie was actually good-looking in 1980, so leave it alone, will ya'?"

I saw the pictures, and there was absolutely nothing good-looking about them. (You must trust me about this.)

Cheerio and all that.

With love from your pal,
Stewey

Look how freakin' close she is to finishing this! Wouldn't you just sit right down and get it done already? Do you think my mom could have that kind of discipline? Noooooooo.

These are the sunglasses that Aunt Chrissy thought looked best. I can only imagine what the other ones looked like!

PURPLE! Who the heck needs PURPLE eyeglasses?!

These you've seen, but I thought I would include them here for accuracy. I ask you...who the heck needs TWO PAIRS of fancypants glasses when the only people that are going to see them are me and the poor unsuspecting neighbors that happen to be outside when Mo-ther decides to go out in her seventeen year old night clothes to get the paper in the morning? Who?