WHY MY PESKY COUSIN BOSCO UPCHUCKED ON THE RUG, BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SNIPPLY SELF

First, please allow me to send you all my very heartfelt thank you for your kind wishes. As you might have heard, I have been suffering from a head cold, and my stupid mo-ther is no help whatsoever. I've heard about women who are born without a maternal gene in their bodies. I just never thought I would be stuck with one.

I did manage to launder several hankies last night, and I do have plenty of supplies in my emergency kit, so I think all will be well today. I am sipping a little hot tea, having a small biscuit, and enjoying a beautiful snowy landscape out the back window. Fortunately for me, my little smoking jacket is insulated, since the old lady insists on keeping this place as cold as a meat locker.

My Aunt Chrissy and pesky cousin Bosco were here yesterday for some marathon stitching and "West Wing" watching, but neither Mom nor Aunt Chrissy really understood much of it. They had to keep re-winding the episodes to figure out what things meant, and I swear they both had headaches from thinking so hard. I heard Aunt Chrissy try to blame the elementary school nuns for their complete lack of comprehension, but methinks it's just because the two of them together add up to about half a 40 watt light bulb. Maybe all of this stitching is rotting their brains?

While I was a PERFECT little pup and preferred to sleep on my perch most of the day, Bosco played the IN/OUT game until Aunt Chrissy yelled at him to just sit the hell down already. I think he wanted to go outside to play with the birds and squirrels at the back feeders, but I've already trained all of them to skeedaddle whenever Mom lets me out. (What can I say? I like a little privacy when I'm trying to do my thing.)

Anywhoose, the idiot...er, I mean...my cousin would go outside and throw himself around in the snow like he was having a fit of some kind. At one point, he went over to a snow drift and stuck his entire head and torso face first into it so that only his heiney was showing! Dumb dog.

Mo-ther felt bad that his "poor little head" was getting cold (uh...HELLO!? I'm the one with the sniffles..remember?), so she went into my closet and retrieved a hat for him.

When I tell you that this hat was definitely NOT on his color wheel and that I think it qualified him for an episode of "What Not To Wear", I'm not kidding. And, after Mom put the damn thing on him, both she and my Aunt Chrissy dissolved into puddles of laughter and "almost" peed their pants. I felt sorry for the little guy. How embarrassing.

The good news is that Bosco finally got his revenge when it was almost time for them to go home. He threw up on Mom's rug and then turned around and gave her a look that pretty much told her what she could do with her hat. I must say, I was rather proud of him.

I'll let Mom tell you more about her stitching at a later date. She's locked in her office muttering to herself over some mail that she got yesterday. Apparently she has lost all ability to decipher the Engligh language, because I hear her hollering "What the hell does this MEAN?!" over and over again. Must be tax time.

I hope that you will have a splendid weekend. I am going to park myself in front of the tube and catch up on all of my shows. There are at least six episodes of "Steven Segal Lawman" that I want to see, as well as the special "Iron Chef" that was filmed at the White House.

If you're west of us, please be careful out there...I just heard that you're going to get hit with more snow tonight, so stock up on provisions and stay inside!

With love from your pal,
Stewey