Dec 4, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. I've sent her to the laundry room until she knows how to behave. She woke up on the wrong side of the web this morning, and after a day of running errands and getting labwork done, she returned home with a scowl on her puss and an even WORSE attitude. I swear I heard her say "Stewey, I'm a compassionate Mommie, but I feel like I could kick a kitten through an electric fan" before she stomped to the bathroom for an Excedrin Migraine.

I'm having none of it, I tell ya', so I marched her fanny into the laundry room and shook my paw at her with a few stern "BAD GIRL"s thrown in for good measure. I chose the laundry room because there's no window in there and I figured a few hours of sitting in the dark might be good for her. (Also, when I was a baby she thought that was the best place to "train" me since it has linoleum floors, and I've never recovered from the trauma of it all. All I have to say on THAT subject is...paybacks are hell.)

She better shape up, or Christmas Day will find her sitting alone on a bus bench someplace. (I may not be able to reach the pedals on the car, but if I enlist my pesky cousin Bosco's help, we can usually get around pretty well with me steering and shouting "GO! STOP! BRAKE HARDER!" as we motor down the road.

Last night I put a new project into q-snaps, plopped it into mo-ther's lap, and here's what she came up with:
Ridiculously pitiful, I know. I had hoped that this would snap her out of her slump, but all she did was bitch and bitch about the color of the reindeers. Apparently, Mommie Dearest thinks she is the world's foremost leading authority on reindeer colors, and this DMC 801 isn't to her satisfaction. The chart called for DMC 898 (a fact that she pointed out about a bazillion times already), but we don't have that color and I'll be damned if I'm going to go all the way to the Michaels for a skein of floss. I can hardly wait until she gets to the DMC 951 I picked out for Santa's face (in lieu of the called-for 758). I'm sure we'll have a forty-five minute diatribe on the PROPER skin tone of a man who lives at the North Pole, and how a rosy-cheeked complexion is essential to the complete Santa experience. I swear, if she wasn't such a bag of doorknobs and so easy to push around I'd trade her in already. (I just know I could have thrived with a smarter owner.)

The mailman has just delivered the next installment of the Raymond Crawford "Merry Christmas" canvas, so I FINALLY have the perfect antidote to this foul weather that is upon us here at Chez Spinster. In a few hours, I'll let the old lady out of the laundry room and if she doesn't tork me off too too much I'll go ahead and let her have the package. One word, however, and I'll bury this thing so deep she'll need two hands and a flashlight to even THINK about finding it.
So that's all the news from Lake WoeBeSpinster today, kids. Never fear. I've got a naughty list and I'm not afraid to use it! I hope that you have a splendid weekend wherever you are and that something spectacular happens to you today!

With love from your pal,


  1. Oh Stewey:
    All I can say is cut your mama a little slack. Lab work, migraines and stitching slumps are all little tastes of hell on earth. Coni: ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))). One thing I do have to say...I think Stewey's color choice for the reindeer looks fab!

  2. Oh poor Stewey. I'm glad you are taking Mommy Dearest in hand, errr, paw.

    I do hope that Mommy improves over the weekend. Try giving her some chocolate. That might help.

  3. Hope you find the holiday cheer Dianntha

  4. Oh my gosh, these posts just crack me up! I think your mom made remarkable progress in one night on those reindeer. And let her fret a little about the colors, but tell her they look good to me so far! Hopefully she's out of the laundry room now and her package perked her up!

  5. Tell your mo-ther that those reindeer will look fabulous in the grand scheme of things. In the spirit of the season, maybe you could cut her a break and let her back into the light?

  6. Hey Stewmaster...did she con you into giving her the package yet?? After she got her snatches on it, did she start misbehaving again?? I have a visual here of you chasing her around the couch feverishly as you try to corral her back into that laundry room..!~ So, cut her some slack, shove a box of zifendel in there with her so you can have a nice re-laxing EEEven-ing!~~

  7. I can always tell by just reading the title of the latest blog entry just who posted it. lol

  8. oh ... thanks to one daunting project I know exactly what color 951 is, it imprinted on my soul! Please go to Michael's.

    So sweet that Stewie blogs for you, my Jack Dash isn't interested in anything he can't chew or toss around.

    Your entries make me smile daily.

  9. Stewie, Have you let Mot-her out of the laundry room yet? If not, how did you ever get dinner on the table-without her height-however short it may be, it does help you reach such things ar the tins of Bulga cavier I am too sure. Becki

  10. Poor Stewey, your mother sounds like a real nut job. If I were you I'd go pee on the couch. That'll teach her to think twice before she causes you undo stress or threatens kittens. Sheesh! Hang in there poor guy.

  11. Stewey, I feel for you, but I also feel for Mommie, as I was going through the same thing a few days ago. Dig down deep and find some Christmas spirit and go give Mommie a big hug, and then let her out of the laundry room. And thanks a lot for showing me that PS Christmas Eve pattern. Now I am off to buy it. I've seen this so many times and I must have it!

  12. yeah! this is my first time posting! i finally have a google account!

    i just love your blog and i love stewy! i think he's make the perfect "friend" for my lucy....she's a 12 pound mystery mutt!

  13. Thanks for making us laugh even as you're experiencing seasonal doldrums.
    Wishing you peace, joy, and serene stitching.

  14. Stewey, Be nice to your Mommie. Christmas can be very stressful. Fix her a cup of tea instead of lecturing her. Get her a good book to read or a fun movie to watch. Remind her to relax. The stitching slump will eventually go away. Enjoy the season. And I love the new collar!