Sep 26, 2008


Warning: What you are about to see is real. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Don't try this at home. No animals were injured in the writing of this blog. If swelling persists, contact your doctor immediately. Drowsiness may occur.
I blame Stewey. Tuesday night resulted in a full two hours and seventeen minutes of sleep because SOMEBODY had to throw toys off the bed and make a general pest of himself until SOMEBODY ELSE had to go into the guest room and slam the door for a little peace and quiet. From the moment we hit the bed until the moment I started banging my head against the wall, my little nine-pound bundle of joy acted like a MANIAC and I feared for my very life. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he had absconded with my car keys and had spent the better part of the evening at the Starbucks counter shooting espressos.

"Mom, Starbucks called. Can I have your credit card to pay my tab?"

Needless to say, Wednesday dawned and I was just not right in the head.
But did I let that stop me? Noooooo. Why, of all nights, would I decide to try FINISHING WORK when I was running on empty and was tired, hot, sweaty, and cranky. Why?

This is the sad result:

Here I am...just an innocent little frame weight.

Now before you start looking at it wondering why I wouldn't be happy with it, take a look at this: Hmmmmm. I know that purple border was there a minute ago.

As God is my witness, I am going to staple Miss Vonna's Finishing Service address onto my forehead and never ever never ever do this type of thing again.

You wanna' know the best part about it? Chrissy and Bosco sat right here and said "Are you SURE you want to try this tonight?" And then she proceeded to show me how to pin everthing carefully and measure and tweak and this and that until I just grabbed it out of her hands and headed for the sewing machine.

So she got out of my way and I heard her mutter "You need a license to drive a car and yet they'll let any idiot on the planet use a sewing machine" as she plopped into the stitchy recliner to watch the disaster unfold. I'm pretty sure that I heard her say "SLOW THE *&$^# DOWN AND TAKE YOUR $*%&# TIME YOU MORON", but I could be mistaken.

So I ended up with a rather flop-sided uneven mess of a thing that will now have to go live on the Island of Misfit Toys until I can gather the humility to admit I have a problem and ask for help.

The Island of Misfit Toys

See, it all started when I watched a documentary on the Sundance Channel about the fashion designer Ralph Rucci. I thought it was fascinating, and althought I wouldn't know haute couture if I fell over it, I noticed that he had a lot of workers STITCHING THINGS. He is well known for his use of HAND EMBROIDERY and BEADS on some of his creations, so I got it into my head that since I'm known to needlepoint and cross stitch every now and then I'M A FULLY TRAINED AND LICENSED PROFESSIONAL AND WHY THE HECK SHOULDN'T I TRY TO CREATE MY VERY OWN HAUTE COUTURE FRAME WEIGHT. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. Who knew that making little tiny x's on a piece of linen and creating the wheel could be so very different?

So I am banned from the sewing machine and Stewey has hidden all of my finishing supplies. I think I saw him emailing his attorney for a restraining order, but since I pay the mortgage on the studio, I'm pretty sure that he can't keep me from it.

"I can't take it anymore. Let me know when it's over."


  1. I love your finish. I don't see anything wrong with it. Also, I love reading your blog and the antics Stewey gets into. You both make me smile when I read your blog.

  2. How could blame that innocent little face? I know exactly how you feel, except my little bundle of joy is 65 lbs worth of lab/chow with a head the size of a dinner plate! Thanks for brightning my afternoon.

  3. Stewey's non-sleeping antics sound about right...every Jack Russell Terrier I've ever known lives life in triple espresso mode. :-)

    If it makes you feel any better, I'm also quite dangerous with a sewing machine. It never fails that every time I attempt to use one, I make some kind of mistake, either with the sewing or with the machine itself. *sigh*

  4. When I quit laughing, I posted a link to your blog from mine. I think a lot of people can sympathize. Certainly I can. I LOATHE finishing.

    A lot!


  5. I laughed when I read your post. I linked to your blog through Jane. Since I am thinking of finishing a Janet Casey Santa myself, I had hoped you would have had some good advice. Well, I guess you did....maybe I should call my finisher instead of attempting this myself.

  6. Look at that little innocent face..Stewy is a little darlin..Loved your post made me have a way with words

  7. I still think it's beautiful! Don't feel bad I am the same way when it comes to sewing! I should be banned from ever using the machine!!!

  8. I gave my sewing machine away for the very same reason. Well, that, and the fact that my family felt that my using it would end in extremely deep puncture wounds and tetnus. *shrugs shoulders*

    Be sure and keep Stewey up all day for the next week. See how he likes it! LOL (Ear scratches from me)

  9. Coni- You are TOO funny! You never fail to make me laugh out loud!
    I say: attach a little tag to your weight attributing the finishing to Stewey.

  10. I think you did an excellent job on your finish. We all have to start somewhere.

  11. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time with that piece!

  12. Dear Coni,

    My sympathies, deepest condolences
    and all that jazz regarding the
    entire fiasco that was your attempt
    to finish a piece of stitching.
    I can only imagine the horror.

    But of course you cannot possibly
    be held accountable for something
    that was so obviously NOT your
    fault. The culprit of course is
    the one who never gets blamed for
    these things, but is the very one
    who is suppose to be making all
    our sewing ambitions simple and
    attainable. I refer of course to

    These computerized, digitized,
    mechanical wonders are suppose
    to make sewing a breeze, and
    be child's play to operate.

    I call them the devils tool!!!!

    Of course you measured, and pinned
    and arranged everything perfectly.
    But then you entrusted your
    perfect finish to THE MACHINE!
    And it had it's fiendishly
    twisted way, with the distressing
    results as shown in the pictures.

    And the worse part of all???
    Allowing that poor, innocent,
    defenseless dog take the blame.
    Oh, I could weep!! The poor wee
    doggie!! sssnnnifff....

    I think I need to go lay down for
    a bit.


  13. rotflol On behalf of alleged finishers everywhere -- congrats no matter what. And tell Stewey not to look so mortified.

  14. LOL at Crazee4books' comment....

    Myself, I enjoy the creativity involved in "fudging" a stitching mistake.... I'm getting really good at it!!

  15. Hi Coni,

    No one will every know but you! Chalk it up to a learning experience and then go find the seam ripper if it really bothers you! :-)

    I usually avoid the sewing machine as I prefer to hand sew. Hand sewing might take longer but I won't be using such colorful language as I do if I'm machine sewing! By the way, DD is getting pretty good on the sewing machine and my grandmother did beautiful work. I think it skips generations! LOL!

    This is also why I send most of my finishing out!

    I've enjoyed all of the recent posts even though I haven't been able to comment on each post. Keep em coming! LOL!

    Windy Meadow