Nov 21, 2016

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE


It's been exactly a week today.

There are moments when I feel like it's still happening, and I'm pretty sure that my heart will actually physically break from the hurt of it, and then at other times it feels like it's been a thousand years ago.

Silly, isn't it, to be so completely gutted over the passing of...a dog?  You would think that I have lost all rational perspective and am finally, once and for all, going round the bend.  Dogs don't live forever.  They get sick and they die, just like we do.  It's the circle of life, the passage of time, etc etc etc.

But my brain has apparently lost the ability to convince my heart that things like this happen and we get through it, and I am mourning every loss (Mom, Dad, Uncle Connie, Dr. Dan...) along with missing Stewey.  

What was it that Queen Elizabeth said during a rough patch?  Something about a horrible year (I can't remember the Latin at the moment).  Well, I suppose that 2016 is going to go down in my own little history book at a horrible year indeed.  I lost my sister, the last little bits of my health (both physical and mental?), the love of my life, and every other thing that made me...me.  I'm thinking that January 1, 2017 just can't get here soon enough for Yours Truly.

But first, there are thousands of things to be thankful for.  Like the autumn light that still insists on coming in the back windows.  Or the hundreds of comments and notes and prayers and virtual hugs that have (literally) saved me.  The best gift came on Friday when I got the call that Stewey's ashes were ready to be picked up.  I had been dreading and fretting about a proper resting place for him, and when I opened the plain cardboard box, there it was.  A lovely little carved wooden box with Stewey inside and daisies carved on the top.  I don't know if the vet or the pet mortuary knew about Stewey's connection to and love of daisies, but there they are.  Right where we can both enjoy them.

I've promised myself that I will just  feel it and that I will move through this in my own time, and so far that is working.  The laundry has somehow gotten done and the dishes have somehow made it to the dishwasher, and the house is somehow still standing.  Vaceila has a few more beads and the television has been on and off as I stumble from day to day and night to night and just try to figure it out.

Thank you, dear friends, for your love and patience.  

With much love,
Coni

123 comments:

  1. Been so worried about you, checked my reading list every few hours. We are all thinking of you.

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  2. Sending love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn

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  3. I've been looking for posts from you, hoping that you are OK. I feel for you, I really do. Nice that you will be keeping him close.

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  4. Hang in there Coni...those animals just tug at our heartstringsite. ❤

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've missed you both.
    Blessings, Baa

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  6. Stewey is still with you. Thank you for posting. I have been worried about you. Hugs

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss Coni.

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  8. Oh Coni, that is so sad. My heart aches for you. Irene xxx

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  9. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Saying goodbye hurts.

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  10. I'm so sorry to read about your loss. ((Hugs))

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  11. Still praying for you...
    Don't think it silly to mourn Stewey, I still mourn for my horse, Joey, and my Aussie, Fraggles. And then there's Puffers, my sweet kitty. I've lost a lot of pets throughout my life but these 3 hold fast to my heart.
    Be gentle with yourself, don't expect to understand or figure it out right away.
    My heart hurts for you and I'm sending hugs and much love to you.

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  12. Just take each day as it comes and try not to feel overwhelmed. I hope good things come your way soon.

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  13. Coni, I started to cry as I read your post....I truly understand your pain....2013 was my horrific year....our beloved little fur friends really make their way into our hearts, minds and souls. I read somewhere that the deeper we grieve is a reflection on how deeply we loved. I believe it's true. Stewey will always be a part of you. I wish I had your mailing address so I could send you something to comfort you. Take care.
    xxx

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  14. Oh Coni, I've been so worried about you and pray that the pain you're feeling will get less every day. Just know that you are not alone and you are loved by so many. Many friends are crying along with you. I promise this will get easier. Xoxo

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  15. It is not at all silly to be gutted from the loss of your Stewey. I felt the same way when I lost my Reggie. I was faced with living alone for the first time in my life and there were days I honestly thought I wouldn't make it. Our fur babies love us unconditionally and because of that, I think it's sometimes harder to lose them than family or friends. Everyone in your life hurts or disappoints you at some point, with actions and/or words, but furbabies never hurt you, they are always there for you no matter what. Thank you for checking in, I've been so worried about you. (((hugs)))

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  16. I was worried about you having not seen any post. I'm still grieving the loss of my fur baby in June. I am praying for you. Hugs xoxo

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  17. Oh Coni, it's so good to hear from you...grief is as unique as a snowflake and as you know, there are no rules. Just be patient and kind to yourself, and know that we are all here for you...and keeping you in our prayers. If you need anything just holler...
    XO

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  18. Hugs girlfriend! I lost my Tucker almost a month ago and have a similar beautiful box. I feel your pain. What has helped me is having 3 others to help me deal with it. My Lil Bit is 10, Auggie Doggie is 8, and Elvis is 4.

    Love

    Pam

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  19. I am also happy to see your post,Connie.You and Stewey are very much in my thoughts.I can relate to your description of your emotions and there is no hurrying how you feel.
    I am glad you have Stewey's ashes with you,back home where he had a wonderful life xx

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  20. Sending hugs! Both of my dogs ashes are right here with me. Each day is ... another day you've gotten through.

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  21. Oh Coni, I'm so happy to see your post. I've been thinking of you daily and have been worried about you. You're already getting through this loss, a little bit at a time. Remember that there are hundreds of friends sending good thoughts your way. Love, Lenore.

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  22. Oh, Coni, I didn't know. I am so sorry for your loss. RIP sweet Stewey.

    A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
    Its loveliness increases; it will never
    Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
    A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
    Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

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  23. Coni, you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Stewey was a major part of your life and you have the right to grieve him in your own way and in your own timeframe. Be good to yourself and take it one day at a time. Remember, you are loved.

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  24. Wonderful to read your post today. Our Sherlock and Zoe are sitting on a shelf right here where I see them every day. Stewey will always be with you

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  25. Wonderful to read your post today. Our Sherlock and Zoe are sitting on a shelf right here where I see them every day. Stewey will always be with you

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  26. I am glad to read your post. You have every right to grieve and mourn in your own way and in you own time. We love you and Stewey. You both are in my prayers. I am so glad that you have the light coming into you home for you.

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  27. It's not silly at all to be heartbroken and grieving over the loss of a dear beloved being who shared your life with you. And you are doing perfectly right in moving through the feelings in your own way and time. You are in my thoughts.

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  28. ((((hugs)))... it will get easier ... never goes away but you will cope better ... love the wee box and the perfect place for it ... love mouse xxxxx

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  29. I have been through the pain of losing humans and losing a beloved dog. The pain was and still is just as intense for both. It's not silly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Y o u have only great memories of Stewy and that is m u c h to be thankful for.

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  30. It does get easier but the moments of pain will sneak up unexpectedly. On Saturday I did a 5k charity run. My Belle sometimes did them with me so of course I missed her. But I almost lost it when I opened the goodie bag and found a flying disc - lightweight, made of nylon - the kind she loved to chase and catch. It is hard. ((Hugs)) and a big shout out to your lovely vet for such a caring gesture.

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  31. I have been through the pain of losing humans and losing a beloved dog. The pain was and still is just as intense for both. It's not silly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Y o u have only great memories of Stewy and that is m u c h to be thankful for.

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  32. Just now reading about your little love and my heart is aching for you. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of dear little Stewey. I will truly miss reading of his latest adventures. He surely made a big impact for such a little character. Sending prayers of comfort for you and hopes that the next year will be one of peace and joy.

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  33. I am in tears for you, Coni. Wishing you a much happier new year!

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  34. Perfectly normal for you to grieve the loss of Stewey. He was indeed your child with fur. (I've had to take time off from work when one of my crew headed to the Rainbow Bridge.) When the time is right, I hope that you will open your heart and home to another bundle of furry joy. Don't think of it as replacing Stewart. Think of it as opening your heart to another poor furry soul in need ... there are plenty who would love to be loved by you!

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  35. I am so sorry for ALL of your losses this year and I think it's true that any loss brings up memories of past ones. 2016 has been a rotten year for a lot of us (I lost my mother in May). I hope that time brings you some measure of healing and that Stewey's memory is a blessing.

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  36. Let yourself grieve. You are going through a perfectly normal process after losing a pet. I'be been through it more than once. Eventually life becomes normal again. Blessings to you.

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  37. Let yourself grieve. You are going through a perfectly normal process after losing a pet. I'be been through it more than once. Eventually life becomes normal again. Blessings to you.

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  38. No, Coni it isn't wrong, silly or whatever term on can use!! Stewey was a part of your family and will always be a large part of it. He was you friend. It is a good thing to grieve for the loss of your loved ones. I have lost several loved ones (both two legged and four legged and I grieved for them and for myself. It is just what we do for those we love and have lost. I agree with julianne in that life does become norman again. We never forget but the laundry does get done, food is prepared or bought, we load and unload the dishwasher, and we go along. You and all you lost loved ones are in my thoughts.

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  39. Even more hugs. We miss Stewey too and we Heart you.

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  40. Coni, I'm glad to see your post; I was concerned about you. There's nothing wrong or silly about grieving for a dog. He was your best friend and a member of your family. Grieve in your own way and your own time and remember that there are lots of us out here with you in our hearts and prayers. And what a lovely little box Stewey has to rest in. {{{hugs}}}

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  41. I remember the telescoping time, and the pain of other losses getting stirred up. But in time (as much as you need!) these will pass, and you will be on the other side. Thank you for posting, you've been in my prayers and will continue to be. Sending thoughts of love and comfort.

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  42. I have been thinking of you constantly and wondering how you were managing without Stewey. It's not silly at all to be mourning your loss. We all grieve differently and remember that lots of us have been where you are at and we're only a post away. I lost my Maggie Mae 6years ago and while time has helped to heal the raw pain, I'll never be over it.

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  43. I completely get it Coni. I've always described my beloved pets as 'apprentice people' and treat them as such. my heart is with you

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  44. Not silly at all Stewey was your life. The quiet house eating alone not having anything to care for can weigh heavy on your mind and with the holidays coming ugh I so feel for you more big hugs and prayers

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  45. Annus horribilis, I believe. Oh Coni. Hold on to your love for Stewey and all the joy he brought you. The pain is unbelievable, isn't it? But there is also the incredible feeling, when you love someone, that your heart feels as if it will explode with happiness. That crazy little (little?!) thing called love. You'll get through it. It may take a while before things feel even "o.k.", but someday you will see someone walking a dog and know that a seed of healing has sprouted in your heart. Until then, know that we are all thinking and praying and holding you in our hearts.

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  46. Dear Spinster Stitcher,
    I've been thinking about you all week and sent you my most warm and loving wishes. I, too, have felt the loss of a dog's love. It will always ache, but there will be happiness, too, in those memories. One day...

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  47. Dear Coni, I am so sorry. I am just catching up on some blogs and missed last week's post. My heart hurts for you. The love we feel for our furbabies (and vice versa) is real and strong and vibrant and when they leave us the pain is the same. Sending hugs.

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  48. Coni, I am so glad to read your post. I have been looking every day for it. You made it through one week and you can make it through one more,then one more. To paraphrase Pooh, you are smarter, stronger and braver than you think. Please keep writing because we are here for you to support you. I will continue to pray for you here in my little corner of Maryland.

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  49. Grief is something you just have to walk through. Healthy people do, you just have to feel every painful bit of it. I've loved many animals and never dimish their importance. I carry every one of them with me, the love, not the pain. Every time I get a new cat or dog I know what I will have to go through someday when the die. The measure of your grief now is equal to the love you had for Stewey.

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  50. Keep moving one foot after the other as you are doing, Coni. You have been through so much, but there will be more blessings around the corner for you--I just know it! I am praying for you to feel the
    sunshine again! Melissa

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  51. Sobbing here, reliving my heartache for my precious Peepers and for your sweet Stewey. You describe the restless pain, not being able to be still for long or being still for too long. My heart breaks for you, Coni. I wish there was a way to speed us through the pain of grieving, but I decided, on the loss of my daughter, that the grieving in itself, is a testimony of our love for that special someone in our lives. Stewey was that and more! You are not losing your mind, just having grieving brain. One day it will get better. Just be nice to YOU. Do not rush your grieving or let anyone give you a timetable or tell you that he was just a dog. He was Stewey...a special, sophisticated, handsome, (somewhat demanding) and lovable "fussy, little dog" whom we all fell in love with from your wonderful stories! Please keep in touch with us as we worry about you. Prayers!

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  52. Without grief there would be no love. It's a package deal. You are living life fully, as painful as it is right now. Slowly joy will creep back in. I've loved and lost many pets. Eventually the pain eases and smiles return with happy memories. Their spirit and love will always be with you. Hang in there and know that we miss Stewey and hold you in our hearts.

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  53. Been thinking of you and sending you love and prayers for comfort, will continue to do so. It is so hard...
    Liz

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  54. My heart my heart breaks for you as I know your feelings all to well. Prayers for you Coni, amen.

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  55. I've lost quite a few pets over the years, and while their deaths didn't have quite the same impact as my husband's death, they still hurt for quite a while. Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong. One day at a time is really all you can do.

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  56. So much love is being sent your way. You have many friends through your wonderful blog and we all share in your grief with Stewey's passing. The box with the daisies is a beautiful tribute to your Stewey. So many of us have experienced the loss of family, friends and our wonderful pets. They bring such joy to us and the memories you have of Stewey will always be there. Enjoy those memories - - they will make you smile and laugh. May your 2017 be full of blessings, unexpected joy and much much love. Prayers every day for you Coni. You are thought of by so many of us. God Bless you.

    Cindy

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  57. Thank you so much for posting. Been very concerned for you. All the comments above say it - grief is a passage that means the loss of someone who was very loved. We have had several dogs in our 41 years of marriage but this last dog was the first one that was just for hubby and I. The kids are grown and gone. In her loss we learned the kiddos were not there to have to be strong for and the grief felt insurmountable at times. She will always hold a special spot. Take time to process it all - talk to all of us. We love you and want to help you all we can from all over the globe.

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  58. Connie, take all the time you need. Stewey wasn't just a dog - all of us know that.

    The holidays are also a difficult time of the year to go through a loss. But please know that all of us out here are thinking of you, and sending love your way.

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  59. So sorry, Coni! He was larger than life and yes, you do grieve over a furbaby! I can now mention my kitty, E.T., without tearing up when she passed September 3rd of this year. May the time spent with Stewey, catering to his every whim and making memories, help you during this rough time.

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  60. You have been in my thoughts so many times this past week. I hope you keep on keeping on. I've been sending good vibes.

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  61. Dear Coni, I think of you every day and so understand your grief. Be well.

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  62. Only those who have lost a pet family member can understand your heartache. Time will help. Hang on to the good memories.

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  63. So glad to see your post today. I, too, have been checking on you every day this week. We have all lost Stewey, and will grieve for him with you. Take some of the best photos you have of him and see if you can't recreate him with your needle. It just may help you work through all this.
    I have a cross stitch that closely resembles my Pooh who is gone for many years now, but it still comforts me.

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  64. I have had many cats but there have been two that broke me when I lost them. My little Ernie Bass died in my arms 11 years ago and there are still times when I can't control my emotions and I cry. Stewey was the center of your universe so cry, scream, hug his blanket, sleep with his blanket and do anything else that will make you feel better. It will get better but he will always be with you. I am actually concerned about your health now and I think of that frequently.

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  65. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  66. No, not silly. You loved him, and still do, and you miss him. Take all the time you need to grieve. And do try to take care of yourself in other ways, too.

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  67. I haven't been following you very long but I have been where you are. Her name was Carbon and she weighed about 10 lbs. She was only 6 weeks when we found each other and she was special. She was part poodle and all wiggles. Into every thing. Went every where with us. When she was 3 months old she caught her tags in a furnace grate and when I rescued her she couldn't stand. Yes, tiny little broken leg. The Vet put on a splint and said take her home and keep her quiet. Right. Even on pain pills she was bouncing off the furniture. We rescued her from melting ice on a pond, from jumping out of our car in traffic on a busy street. I went into another street and stopped traffic to catch her when she thought the game was catch me if you can. She ran away at our Son's. She was crazy and funny and we loved her. She helped us get through the birth of our Grandson, my Husband's heart surgery and the sale of a house we thought we'd live in forever. And then one day she was gone. I thought my heart was broken. I didn't know how my Husband was going to cope. One of our neighbors was a Dr. of Psychology and when he heard she was gone he came to us and said "Get another dog. Now! Today!
    You honor her by giving another dog the love you still have for her. She taught you how to love a dog. Now you go and honor what she taught you". We did. We found two tiny Schnauzer puppies. 5 and 6 weeks old. Who needed a home.
    I would not have believed we would ever love any dog as we loved Carbon but I kept thinking what Dr Roy said about honoring Carbon with love for another dog who needed it. He was right. It helped immensely. We still talk about Carbon and how crazy she was and how much we loved her but Maude and D.C. Are loved too And we cannot imagine how much less our life would be without them. So I'm passing Dr Roy's words on to you. Maybe it's why I found your blog. So I could give you his words. You honor Stewey by loving another dog the way he taught you to love him.

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  68. There's nothing silly about mourning the loss of a loved one. Virtual hugs from someone who still misses her lost pets.

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  69. Like everyone else, I have been wondering how you're getting through this. Loss is such a blow to the belly and it literally sucks the life out of a person. But. Step by step, day by day, life will pull you back. I am hoping that the time will come when thoughts and memories of Stewey will only bring a smile and not tears. Until then, do what you must to get through each day. There are so many of us who wish you well.

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  70. None of us who have lost a beloved pet will think you are silly to grieve. They are part of our family and the love is unconditional. Let yourself evolve through this difficult process. It takes time. Your post demonstrates you have a healthy perspective and you are looking outside at the good things in life. Hugs to you and thanks for posting.

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  71. The Queen said it was her 'annus horribilis' but not sure if I have spelled that correctly. As any pet owner will know, grieving for their loss is just the worst thing, I think because they have such relatively short lives. Maybe in the Spring you will be able to think about getting a new little baby to love. Take care.

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  72. Crying as I read your post and even more so as I read some of the comments above. My heart is breaking along with yours. When I lost my dog, every time I got sad and mopey, I tried to remember all the fun times - they funny things he did, the way he played, how it liked pizza and shared oreo cookies with me. It's amazing how many ordinary and special times I would recall and instead of crying I'd be laughing. Just know it will take you awhile, but that's okay. He'll always be in your heart.

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  73. I know how you feel. We put Fred down in Sept and the grief still comes in waves. I still expect to see him in his chair or on the floor. Continued hugs and prayers for you.

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  74. Many, many hugs coming your way.

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  75. Coni, we are all sad with you and I hope that helps. Your friends will help you through this.

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  76. I'm so sorry for your loss *hugs*

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  77. every single life is special - take you time to mourn - many hugs for you and many happy thoughts of Stewey who now lives in your heart.

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  78. Oh Coni, you have not left my thoughts since you told us Stewey was sick. I know this kind of hurt, it feels like nothing will ever be the same. You wake up hoping it was all a bad dream, and you don`t want to get up because then you have to face reality. Please believe me, it will get better. There will come a time when you can remember the funny little things Stewey did without crying. When you are ready, you need to get another furry friend. Living alone, you need an excuse for talking to yourself...I just say "oh, I was talking to the cat' when caught having a converstion with myself out loud.

    I know you will miss him, as so many of us will. I loved Stewey, reading your blog always makes my day. I cried and sobbed for Stewey and you and every dog and cat I have ever lost. They are not just pets, they are our babies. I will be thinking of you...xxoo Myra.

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  79. Coni--I have been thinking about you and missing you this week. Losing a pet is exactly like losing a family member because that is what they are. It will get easier but right now it feels as if someone has kicked a hole in your chest. Anyone who has lost a pet knows this feeling. Let yourself mourn. It is OK. You will always miss him as will all of his friends. Take care of you. Hugs, Jan

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  80. Coni, our pets are our babies. I have had human babies and furbabies. I mourn the loss of both. You have to, as you said, go through the stages of grieving in your own time. I will never be ashamed of grieving the loss of my furbabies because they have contributed so much to my life. Sending you lots of love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn

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  81. I had a horrible time when I lost my Golden. He was my best friend and to this day, I can still cry when I think of him. I hated going home. The house was quiet and empty. I knew getting another dog was not an option. I had started working wicked long hours with quite a bit of travel. SO I got two kittens. They healed my broken heart. Think about giving another little fur-ball a home and love. Just think about it....and then go do it.

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  82. I am crying with you all over again. That sweet little dog was a huge important part of your life so I think you are being perfectly normal to be so heart broken. We all are too. And I am sure Stewey had something to do with those daisies. xo

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  83. I had an aunt who had no children but was devoted to poodles. Every time one died she would mourn and say she was done with having a dog because it was too hard to lose them. Then her vet would wait a while and find a dog that needed a home, sometimes an older dog, sometimes a younger one, one time two dogs. He would ask her if she could just take them temporarily until he found a home. Of course it was never temporarily. I remember Pierre, and Francoise, and Susie, an Alain. She also had Parrots, and canaries, and even a snake once. She loved them all extravagantly. It's not the right time now, but somewhere out there is another animal that needs you and more importantly you need it.

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  84. I know it sounds trite just now, but this too will pass. Hugs!!

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  85. So sorry for your pain. You must miss Stewey so much. He's sleeping peacefully now and maybe dreaming of daisies and you. Peace will come. God bless. xx

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  86. Coni,
    You are stronger than you know. Stewey is right there with you. He will continue to watch over you as well as the others who were a part of your life. Stewey would want you to carry on as before. I can just see him in his smoking jacket with his cup of tea nearby. Hugs to you!

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  87. This sounds so very familiar from when I lost my little JRT. He was my one true love (despite being married and having 3 children!!!)I wish I could express myself as well as you do. Still have a little cry now and again 6 years on, especially when hearing of other people's losses. We scattered his ashes where we used to walk him and it gives me comfort to remember him frolicking around pain-free there.

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  88. I should also say :what you are describing sounds completely normal/rational and unbelievably, you will get through it. Don't make yourself feel worse by worrying about how you are feeling.

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  89. It's not at all silly to be so upset at the loss of a pet. I just lost my little dog Zoey in July and I'm still not over it. But each day is a bit easier. I remember more now the fun times we had and rather than the pain of losing her. Hugs and prayers for you, Coni.

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  90. So, so sorry for your loss. Grief is a process that cannot be rushed. Enjoy the memories. They will help to heal. Love and hugs.

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  91. My brother, who is a Veterinarian, says the trouble with pets is they don't live long enough. He is so right. Be kind to yourself as you grieve, and please take care of your health! Stewey will always be in your heart, and you will always have happy memories of him when you are ready to find them. Hugs!

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  92. Lots of hugs. There are no rules for grief. It just is. And, it can tear your guts out. I have a collection of boxes containing the ashes of my family of beloved cats and dogs -- some several decades old. I have never opened the cardboard boxes that the ashes were sent in. I will open them today. Maybe I will find a beautiful daisy-covered container. In your pain you still share serendipity. Much love.

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  93. ��I Carry Your Heart...E.E. Cummings. I carry your heart. I carry your heart with me(I carry your heart in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere you go, I go, my dear). Coni, Stewey is ALWAYS with you now and forever because I know you carry his heart in your heart no matter where you are now or where you will be in the future. I know the hurt is soooo much but maybe as you remember he lives in your heart you will be able to continue to think of him every day with a smile on your face and feel his ever present love in your heart.

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    1. Ann, that poem is beautiful. Thanks.

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  94. 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝

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  95. It is not silly at all to mourn a pet as if they were human. They are human to us that love them as they hold our heart more strongly than most humans can. Thinking of you during this time.

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  96. Stewey was not just a dog. Stewey was treated and loved as much as any two legged human could have been. Anyone who has loved a fur baby knows when they cross over that Rainbow Bridge the pain is as difficult as if burying a much loved member of a family. You have many people you have never met mourning and sharing your grief. You will mourn, but times will come when you think of Stewey and there will be a smile as you remember the best of times. Take care Coni we are here for you.

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  97. Sometimes I think I loved my Yorkie more than I did life itself. The grief was exhausting. I found that it time it yielded to beloved memories. I too have the ashes of my dog. I set her collar on top of them along with her favorite squeaky squirrel. My husband knows that when I pass, she goes with me. You let us love Stewey along with you. And for that I say "Thank you".

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  98. It's perfectly natural to feel this way. You and Stewey were a team, you were always together, of course you miss him. Heck, I never met him and I'm as upset as I've ever been over my own pets!
    The box is a lovely memento, what a thoughtful vet you have.

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  99. Coni:
    The sadness and longing never go away but time makes it easier to remember all the good things that were so special about your wonderful little dog. He will be loved and remembered not only by you but by everyone who reads and loves your blog. A great memorial to such a little one.
    2016 can only be remembered as the year before... Before all the new and wonderful things that will come into your life in the next year. And because this has been such a horrible year, the new things in 2017 will be even sweeter and heart soothing. Remember we are here to cheer you on as you blaze new paths and find new loves.

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  100. Coni, the box is beautiful. Although, my heart is sad for you and us (your readers/followers), I am so glad I found your blog and got to know Stewey through your posts. Always brings a smile. Take care.

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  101. There is no schedule or "right" timeframe for grieving... we all do it at our own pace and in our own way... so I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I'm afraid you're 100% normal! Either that or there are those of us that are quite equally, if not more so!, bonkers. And I never ever ever think of my beloved pets as just dogs or cats... they have given me more joy and absolutely unconditional love as few family and friends have in my life. Hugs and love to you as you stumble along the path to the next phase of life.

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  102. Coni dear ~ It must have seemed like a God/Stewey moment when you discovered the Daisy box. That little guy
    was letting you know his spirit still surrounds you and was his way of thanking you for the lifetime of blessed memories you gave him and shared. When the time is
    right, may you place that album engraved annus horribilus
    on the shelf and turn to a future filled with renewed hope and perhaps surprising new love. Stewey has made it
    possible for you to grow and to give again so much more of yourself in compassion, awareness and strength than you
    ever realized. Quite a guy . Redeem his life by your joy in living and making it count. We are all here for you.

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  103. Stewey was not just your dog...she was like a son. Take time to grieve. It helps to be good to yourself during this trying time. My beloved Scooby passed away a few days before Thanksgiving in 2009. This is a difficult time of year for me because the memories coming flooding back, but it also makes me thankful that I had him for 15 1/2 years.

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  104. Coni, I'm so happy to see your post. I have been worrying about you. When I lost my fur baby, I thought that I would suffocate from grief. I survived much to my surprise. In time a new fur baby came into my life and heart. She doesn't diminish my love for the one I lost but continues to bring me joy.

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  105. Coni, still morning with you. You'll never stop missing him but you will eventually come to terms. We still have the ashes of our dogs, so you just keep his ashes as long as you like. There is no timetable. Phewy to anyone that doesn't understand. Thanks for posting, we've all been so worried.

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  106. Oh, Coni, I'm so very sorry to hear about Stewey. I'm behind in my reading and just finding out. I'm thinking peaceful and loving thoughts for you and sweet Stewey. He's where no harm can touch him. Peace and love.

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  107. I think everyone who enjoyed your blog over the years will miss your dog, too. There will never be another like him. I hope time heals your sadness. I lost my sweet dog in 2012 and miss him terribly, but it does get better. God bless you. Nancy

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  108. I think everyone who enjoyed your blog over the years will miss your dog, too. There will never be another like him. I hope time heals your sadness. I lost my sweet dog in 2012 and miss him terribly, but it does get better. God bless you. Nancy

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  109. Coni, you have been in my thoughts. Take comforts in the small things. Grief is a process that takes time, don't rush. The only true comfort I have ever found in this life comes from God.

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  110. Dear Coni, I am so happy to see you back here again and know that your days are moving forward, slowly but in a healing light. One day at a time is trite but true. So many of us have lost dear family pets and understand the sorrow you feel. This too will pass and you will someday be able to look back with more joy than sadness. May your Thanksgiving be peaceful.

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  111. Oh my...I just feel for you so much. I feel like weeping. I know how you loved your dear Stewey. I know how gutted one feels when they lose a dear pet. It is very traumatic and not to be minimized. Sending you tons and tons of hugs!!!

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  112. Dear Coni, I feel relieved to read your new post. I hope that you hang in there. We'll all miss Stewey, what a famous little dog. Hope that time will heal your sadness...(sorry for my English). Take care of yourself !

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  113. Stewey was not "just a dog". Dogs are family to those of us who are lucky enough to love them and be loved by them. My kids used to refer to our two dogs as "the replacements". I hope you find peace soon and i know your faith will help you. I take a lot of solace in the vision of rainbow bridge. Xoxo Susan

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  114. Thinking of you as you miss Stewey. I pray your grief lessens with each day and is replaced by the memories that you have of Stewey.

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  115. I am so sorry to hear that Stewey has joined your loved ones across the rainbow bridge. It is SO painful….Max was my velcro buddy and I still feel the pain after six years later. The memories make me smile and I know he is there, next to me, watching me……I also know he is having a grand, healthy time with my Dad and Blessings, Widget, and Bremy. Stewey is now enjoying his health and having his loved ones and watching over you. How fortunate to have been loved and to love as you and Stewey have!

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