My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the master closet practicing her elocution while looking for a decent bra to wear to the mailbox.
Yes, you read that correctly. There has been an absolute FLURRY of change and activity around here lately. Methinks we are finally on the proper course into the old lady's twilight years, in which I hope that she will be suitably attired and will stop saying things like "Hoosierville and this here". (One can only hope that it will also mean the retirement of the eighteen year old sweatpants that she's apparently had surgically adhered to her ample backside, but I suspect that she's pacing herself and we should celebrate whatever small victories come our way.)
I have no complaints whatsoever about these recent developments, particularly since I have been pushing for said changes for several years now. I am equally as thrilled that my stupid mo-ther has wed herself to such an admirable course of self improvement, but I'm not holding my breath that it will be a lasting endeavor.
The best place to begin would be at the salon, where Mo-ther gamely announced to one and all "I'm here to kill the squirrel". While this would have been a somewhat startling thing for most people to say, this is MY mo-ther we're talking about. So I would imagine that the hostesses there led her to the shampoo bowl with nary a thought as to the crazy spinster with the twenty two pound sweaty mess of brunette ponytail on her head that was just crying out for a nice cream rinse and a firm yet authoritative touch with the scissors.
Eighteen inches later, I'm happy to report that Mo-ther's hairstyle now resembles something you might have seen within the last twenty years or so and NOT one that grandchildren are known to snicker at while perusing old high school yearbooks. (She's still, alas, quite attached to her Snookie bangs, but I am hopeful that a little gentle persuading from Aunt Chrissy will encourage her to stop freeze framing them into a crispy-curlled mess atop her forehead once and for all.)
Speaking of Aunt Chrissy, I have her to thank for the next dramatic improvement to the old lady's image. As you might know from reading this blog, my Aunt Chrissy has developed a rather Elton Johnesque addiction to boutique eyewear. (This, of course, is my way of saying that my Aunt Chrissy sports glasses on her face that cost more than my mo-ther paid for her car.) She's acquired an amazing wardrobe of some of the most exclusive and beautiful pieces available, and when she comes to visit me I can hardly wait to see what new style has been added to the collection.
During a recent trip to the fancypants eyeglasses boutique, Aunt Chrissy decided that it was about time for Mo-ther to update her look, so she generously gifted a pair of fabulous new frames. I must say that it's obvious that Mo-ther never would have selected these for herself, because they actually look fantastic on her. Had she been left to her own devices, I'm fairly certain that she'd still be standing in the midst of a Target clearance aisle trying to figure out how to put prescription lenses into 99 cent sunglasses.
In keeping with the theme of self improvement, Mo-ther sat down with her Laura J. Perin's Stained Glass Windows project to determine what it was about the colors that was throwing her so much. It was, in fact, the brightness of the hot pink ribbon floss, so a quick trip upstairs to the studio fixed the problem once and for all. Fortunately, we had the perfect shade of Fyre Werks in the stash, so it was replaced and stitching continued on without further angst:
In the category of Olympic cross stitching is One Nation by ByGone Stitches. Miss Linda at House of Stitches selected the perfect 28ct. natural cashel linen for this one.
Last night's stitching was Alphabets by The Drawn Thread. I think that a lot more would have been accomplished had Mo-ther not been trying to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey at the same time she was supposed to be concentrating on this. I'm hoping that she'll make more of an effort to pay attention to the chart when her fanny hits the Happy Chair later today.
Well, my dear and devoted friends. That's the report for today. I'll leave you with a glimpse of my view from my little bed in front of the patio window. In addition to my annual Aunt Chrissy daisy, I am also closely monitoring the progress of my very first strawberry plant. Aren't the little tiny berries delightful?
With much love from your pal,