My mom can't come to the blog right now. I blame this fact on TLC's "Extreme Couponing", which captivated both she and Aunt Chrissy into the wee hours of the morning.
Here's a recap:
MO-THER: AUNT CHRISSY!!!! OH MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE TO TURN ON CHANNEL 176 RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE TO SEE THIS LADY'S STOCKPILE OF TOILET PAPER!!!! QUICK!!! QUICK!!!
(sound of dial tone)
MO-THER (muttering to herself): GDMNIT! Why can't I learn to use a telephone like a normal person? Stewey? Come here and show Mommie how to call Aunt Chrissy on this here fancypants contraption....
And on and on it went. Once Aunt Chrissy was summoned and had tuned her TeeVee to the appropriate channel, the two of them sat in stupefied awe at the folks on the show who had enough stuff on hand to ward off a plague of locusts, a pile of hungry frat boys, or a small squad of anal retentive cleaning ladies.
I'm pretty sure it was the toilet paper that got Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy into such a tizzy fit. The two of them buy the stuff like it's going to be discontinued at any given moment. Mom scours the weekend circulars and then hollers at Aunt Chrissy to get her shoes on because the Targets has Quilted Northern on sale and we're down to our last hundred rolls. (As God is my witness, I'm going to build myself a lovely little ski chalet out of them one of these days)
So once again, not one bit of stitching was completed last night and I was left to fend for myself when it came time for a NightNight story and a proper tuck in. (Mo-ther was glued to the 'puter, furiously lookly for websites that would teach her how to become a Sooper Cooponer.)
Today is rather gloomy and fraut with expectation around here. In exactly five days my Aunt Chrissy will turn 40 years of age and I am at a loss as to what would constitute a proper gift. She is, after all, my very favorite person on this planet, so I feel it necessary to express my love for her in a profound way. But what's a boy to do? I can't drive to the Mall (long story, but car keys are no longer kept within my reach) and online shopping is now off limits because of You Know Who, so I'm left with the prospects of heading up to the studio to craft something out of felt, DMC floss, and whatever left over mess of fabric I can find in the "I'm going to learn how to do all of my own finishing" pile that, alas, never quite materialized.
I hope that you're having an extremely sooper day of your very own! Know that I remain....
Your loving pal,