OH DEAR GOD THERE'S A BEE IN MY PONYTAIL

Geeze, Louise. My life is coming at me in threes. You know the "things always come in threes" thing, don't you?

Unfortunately, I'm only on TWO, so brace yourselves for whatever may come next.

There I was, minding my own business, when Stewey asked if we could go outside for a game of pumpkin. Ooops. Sorry, I mean PUMPKIN! When I say "ask" I mean more like "stand in front of the door and stomp your feet and bark and noodge the pumpkin(!) at your mo-ther until she let's you go outside" kind of thing.

Despite my unfortunate wardrobe choice (nine-year old sweatpants and a half-assed t-shirt/sweatshirt), I decided that a little fresh air was just what the doctor ordered and out we went.

(Did I mention that we play pumpkin(!) in the FRONT yard? We do this because the level of dog poop in the back yard officially qualifies us as a Superfund Cleanup site and I'm not a big fan of wading around knee-deep in the stuff.)

But I digress....

The initial minutes of pumpkin(!) go smoothly enough. Mommie Dearest throws said pumpkin a few yards into the not-so-far distance and then Stewey runs runs runs on his short little legs to retrieve. He noodges it a few times, sniffs every blade of grass within a six-foot perimeter, contemplates lifting his leg, and then carries the pumpkin back to Mommie Dearest for a repeat of the entire process.

Over and over and over and over again.

Usually I get bored within a few minutes and give up, but for some reason I decided to really enjoy the sunshine today and take inventory of the various bushes and trees surrounding my house. If this were the Martha Stewart Living magazine, I would tell you that I inspected my various plantings for signs of trouble and expertly pruned/cleaned/trimmed everything for the upcoming colder months, but the truth of the matter is that I walked around looking at stuff.

I made it almost to the back of the house when IT happened.

A bee flew into my ponytail. A bee. Into my ponytail. My ponytail! A BIG BEE! A BEE THE SIZE OF A HUMMINGBIRD! A BIG HUMMINGBIRD! INTO MY PONYTAIL!!!!!!!!!

(Here is where I should explain that the women in my family (i.e., my deceased mother, my sister, and I) all have a head of hair that could adequately cover a small village. We Rich women are known for our thick tresses, and as a matter of fact I usually use my eighteen-inch thick rug of hair as the excuse as to why my face is constantly sweaty.) (Oh, and yes, in case you're wondering...I still think that 80's Rock Band Hair is the best ever! and that one day I will single-handedly revive the whole "big poofy early Oprah-esque" doo that has accompanied me well since circa 1981.)

So the bee gets himself (or herself, I didn't think to ask) lodged in my big fat ponytail and I proceeded to have a massive meltdown right out there on the lawn in front of God and everybody. I think there was a lot of jiggling and swatting and prancing and hollering and twisting and general "yech-ing" all over the place because when I finally made it back into the house my clothes were all on inside-out. And backwards.

I hate nature, I really do. It seems to have this vast right-wing conspiracy against me and my delicate sensibilities, and it kicks my ass every darn time I turn around. If it's not a spider in the Happy Chair, or a big fat toad on the front porch, it's a bee in my ponytail. Damn nature.

I am, however, most happy to report that the background thread for Idaho Star is PRECISELY what I needed/wanted it to be! Woo Hoo! I managed to get the entire border completed and I couldn't be more thrilled with the way it looks. For the first time I think I actually executed the picture I had in my silly little brain to satisfactory conclusion. Now I just have to figure out the background for the inside portion and this one will be off to the framers! (Aunt Chrissy and I decided to not put this one into the FUPPY box for a change because the colors will look simply splendid in my living room. So there. A project stitched, thought about, lusted over, and then framed and hung all within the same year. Again, can I get a WOO HOO from the audience?!)
Stewey has decided that we are going to stay inside for the rest of the day and the mail can just stay right where it is once the mailman delivers it. He spotted a gnat in the air a few seconds ago and decided that since there's obviously a memo out there in the animal kingdom about me, that it would be better to not tempt fate.

Happy Wednesday!