Nov 11, 2009

OH DEAR GOD THERE'S A BEE IN MY PONYTAIL

Geeze, Louise. My life is coming at me in threes. You know the "things always come in threes" thing, don't you?

Unfortunately, I'm only on TWO, so brace yourselves for whatever may come next.

There I was, minding my own business, when Stewey asked if we could go outside for a game of pumpkin. Ooops. Sorry, I mean PUMPKIN! When I say "ask" I mean more like "stand in front of the door and stomp your feet and bark and noodge the pumpkin(!) at your mo-ther until she let's you go outside" kind of thing.

Despite my unfortunate wardrobe choice (nine-year old sweatpants and a half-assed t-shirt/sweatshirt), I decided that a little fresh air was just what the doctor ordered and out we went.

(Did I mention that we play pumpkin(!) in the FRONT yard? We do this because the level of dog poop in the back yard officially qualifies us as a Superfund Cleanup site and I'm not a big fan of wading around knee-deep in the stuff.)

But I digress....

The initial minutes of pumpkin(!) go smoothly enough. Mommie Dearest throws said pumpkin a few yards into the not-so-far distance and then Stewey runs runs runs on his short little legs to retrieve. He noodges it a few times, sniffs every blade of grass within a six-foot perimeter, contemplates lifting his leg, and then carries the pumpkin back to Mommie Dearest for a repeat of the entire process.

Over and over and over and over again.

Usually I get bored within a few minutes and give up, but for some reason I decided to really enjoy the sunshine today and take inventory of the various bushes and trees surrounding my house. If this were the Martha Stewart Living magazine, I would tell you that I inspected my various plantings for signs of trouble and expertly pruned/cleaned/trimmed everything for the upcoming colder months, but the truth of the matter is that I walked around looking at stuff.

I made it almost to the back of the house when IT happened.

A bee flew into my ponytail. A bee. Into my ponytail. My ponytail! A BIG BEE! A BEE THE SIZE OF A HUMMINGBIRD! A BIG HUMMINGBIRD! INTO MY PONYTAIL!!!!!!!!!

(Here is where I should explain that the women in my family (i.e., my deceased mother, my sister, and I) all have a head of hair that could adequately cover a small village. We Rich women are known for our thick tresses, and as a matter of fact I usually use my eighteen-inch thick rug of hair as the excuse as to why my face is constantly sweaty.) (Oh, and yes, in case you're wondering...I still think that 80's Rock Band Hair is the best ever! and that one day I will single-handedly revive the whole "big poofy early Oprah-esque" doo that has accompanied me well since circa 1981.)

So the bee gets himself (or herself, I didn't think to ask) lodged in my big fat ponytail and I proceeded to have a massive meltdown right out there on the lawn in front of God and everybody. I think there was a lot of jiggling and swatting and prancing and hollering and twisting and general "yech-ing" all over the place because when I finally made it back into the house my clothes were all on inside-out. And backwards.

I hate nature, I really do. It seems to have this vast right-wing conspiracy against me and my delicate sensibilities, and it kicks my ass every darn time I turn around. If it's not a spider in the Happy Chair, or a big fat toad on the front porch, it's a bee in my ponytail. Damn nature.

I am, however, most happy to report that the background thread for Idaho Star is PRECISELY what I needed/wanted it to be! Woo Hoo! I managed to get the entire border completed and I couldn't be more thrilled with the way it looks. For the first time I think I actually executed the picture I had in my silly little brain to satisfactory conclusion. Now I just have to figure out the background for the inside portion and this one will be off to the framers! (Aunt Chrissy and I decided to not put this one into the FUPPY box for a change because the colors will look simply splendid in my living room. So there. A project stitched, thought about, lusted over, and then framed and hung all within the same year. Again, can I get a WOO HOO from the audience?!)
Stewey has decided that we are going to stay inside for the rest of the day and the mail can just stay right where it is once the mailman delivers it. He spotted a gnat in the air a few seconds ago and decided that since there's obviously a memo out there in the animal kingdom about me, that it would be better to not tempt fate.

Happy Wednesday!

39 comments:

  1. Oh Coni, nature doesn't like me either. Except nature is always biting/stinging me and then I usually have a reaction to the bite/sting. I would like to enjoy nature if it didn't always attack me!

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  2. You can have a woo-hoo and a half
    because that looks lovely! Which colour did you choose in the end?
    In fact, your posting had me go from woohoops laughing to oooh-wowing.
    Have to ask though, what is a fuppy box? Can anybody have one? I have a WIP box, so do I already have a fuppy box and not know it?

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  3. Coni,

    What a week you have had so far, and it's only Wednesday! By the way, is a bee in the ponytail like a bee in your bonnet?

    Idaho Star looks great. Glad you were able to come up with a color that worked for the background. Your and Stewey's adventures keep the stitching world entertained. Keep up the great posts.

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  4. Glad the bee deserted your pony tail.
    I don't think you'll get mail today, anyway because it is Veteran's Day; so no need to worry about a trip to the mail box.
    Love your Idaho Star

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  5. WOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! There you go, Coni! You definitely deserve it.

    Also for surviving the evil bee attack. I'm sorry for laughing out loud and choking on my cookie at your misfortune, but I did. I admit it. Your anti-nature rant reminded me of something one of my favourite Dutch 'entertainers' (there is no English word for his sort of entertaining) once said: 'nature sucks. It itches and you can't get coffee anywhere.'

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  6. Great job on the project. The colors are stupendous. I'm not a huge fan of nature either. When I'm outside I feel like I'm always swatting at something or other.

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  7. Forgot to mention that today is Veterans Day, which for Maryland means no mail. So, it may be the same in your area?

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  8. WOO! HOO! Way to go on the background color. It looks marvelous!!!

    I may be able to beat you on the bee-episode. :D

    I was living in MI at my mom's and we were putting things in the shed. There was a bee's nest somewhere in or near it, but I knew to be careful anyway. I was on the phone with a prospective employer when I got stung. Let's just say and expletive came out that started with an "f" and ended with a "k" and, oh, I didn't get the job either!

    I HATE those nasty bees!

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  9. I am sitting her wetting myself with laughter picturing your latest in my mind. (The ladies room is on another floor. No elevator and I will never make it up the stairs.) So thank you very much Coni!
    LOL LOL LOL

    Now if the bee were stuck in my hair I probably would have had a heart attack. That is about the only thing that positively TERRIFIES me. I am so glad to see that you lived to tell the tale. And thank you for my afternoon laugh. (The rest of the office has been looking my way as I make funny laughing sounds.)

    Oh yes, your stitching is gorgeous. I LOVE the colors.

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  10. You need to write a book - I love your writing - it's hilarious! I can picture the scene with the bee - too funny but I'm sure not at the time. Nature stinks some of the time ...ok, most of the time. I take my boys into it to show it to them and then back inside, boys ... that's enough stinkin' fresh air. LOL

    Tanya

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  11. Brilliant stitching! This is zooming away so quickly - I'm envious at your progress. (I found some mono canvas in my tidy up - I might have to experiment and find a design)
    As for the bee - How Traumatic for you...did Stewie come to your help - or did he stand aside silently shaking with mirth at your antics??
    Here's hoping a more peaceful day - to enable a finish to Idaho Star!

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  12. It's so beautiful...

    And I am also terrified of bees... I run, very very far away, when I see one...

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  13. OMG!
    You are too too much!
    Idaho Star looks great...foreground, background, all of it.

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  14. Bless your HEART! Stupid bees!

    Love love love Idaho Star! Really gorgeous. Good Work!!!

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  15. Whoo Hoo!! Glad you survived though - and don't worry, due to the holiday, you shouldn't miss any mail today!

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  16. WOO-HOO!! Idaho Star is simply awesome! Thanks for the giggle on this beautiful Veterans Day.

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  17. WOOHOO to you. Amazing piece you have completed and good to hear that it has a place to reside where you and Stewey can enjoy it. Thanks for sharing.

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  18. Add another gigantic WOO-HOO headed your way. I've resisted these quilty type pieces until, but you may have won me over...

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  19. Don't bother checking for mail, it won't be there, today is a Federal Holiday. You are saved from a nature attack on the way to the box (at least for today).

    Your Idaho Star is just beautiful. I love those colors!

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  20. I'd be freaking out if a bee got into my ponytail - especially because I don't have one! LOL But seriously, I hate anything flying or with large bodies and spindly legs. We seem to get more wasps than anything. They seem to think that our house is a wasp magnet and make nests all over the place. UGH

    I think that your piece is absolutely beautiful, and you're right, you have the best color for the background. Can't wait to see what you use for the middle.

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  21. Coni, just thought I'd let you know your mail is really, really safe-tucked up in the post office where all good little pieces of junk mail are securely living this Vets Day.

    Love Idaho Star, and by the way, I too would like to know what a fuppy box is-cause I must have one-I have boxes for everything else, so why not??

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  22. Woo-hoo!!!

    PS - my confirmation word for you today is "stalit" which totally makes me think I'm from Boston..... so now I'm going to go outside and looks at the "sta's..."

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  23. LMAO!!!! I think I'll come back and comment when I can wipe the tears from my eyes.

    Between you and Brad Paisley's opening monologue at the CMAs tonight I need to catch my breath. How freaking hilarious the two of you are!!! LOLOL

    (by the way.. your Idaho star is gorgeous!)

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  24. That piece is absolutely stunning! Please be sure to let us know the colors you used. Don't tell your BSDFF Laura (hope I got that acronym right)but I like your colors better. (Sorry, Laura!! Not that I don't like blue--I love it--but I really like the other colors. Don't feel bad--I have one of your pieces set up to be worked, and two more on order. It's all Coni's fault.)

    Stewey must be related to my own JRT, Boomer. Throw the stick, wrestle the stick away from Boomer, rinse and repeat until dead from exhaustion. Me, not the dog.

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  25. WOO HOO! Very pretty Idaho.

    I'm still mentally picturing the uproar in your front yard ... hee hee hee.

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  26. The extra good news is that there was no mail today to fetch.

    That darn bee had SOME NERVE.

    Denise

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  27. Oh dear I hope that it didn't sting you. Your piece is looking lovely.

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  28. You make my day! Thanks for making me laugh, your blog is my favorite! Please post the colors you use on this project as it would be fabulous in my house too. Jules

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  29. lol!

    My boyfriend always accuses me of laughing at his pain.

    Guess I'll laugh at yours, too! :D

    Seriously, I hope that you don't get that "third thing"; let's wish it back from whence it cometh!

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  30. Millions and millions of woo-hoos from me. I look forward to seeing what colour you choose for the inside interoir

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  31. I have laughed until the tears spurted out of my eyes. (It had nothing to do with the sinus pressure that's been building up in my skull for the past 2 weeks!) You're crazy - and wonderful!

    Idaho Star just pops my eyes out (again, no connection to sinus issues) and I'm thrilled you're going to have it framed straightaway. It's stunning!!

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  32. LOL LOL LOL and even more often. Great report!
    Your finish looks terrific, just the colours I love and the background colour makes them pop out even more.

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  33. WOO HOO!
    What a gorgeous finish! I feel your pain about nature. If there is an insect within a mile, it comes for me!

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  34. Somebody get me a Depends!! LMAO!! You, my dear Coni, are absolutely, 100% priceless! How you get yourself into this little situations is beyond me...but, DAMN GIRL!! My entire floor is giving me that "do we need to call the Mental Health Professional on you" look right now...I don't think they have ever heard me react to one of your posts. All that being said, I am glad it did not sting you or cause you to hurt yourself!! LOL! I hope Stewey was considerate enough not to be rolling on the lawn laughing at his mo-ther's behavior!!

    Your Idaho Star piece is divine, you can have a thousand WOOHOO's for that one!!!

    HAPPY STITCHIN'
    Terri

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  35. W O O H O O & can't wait to see it up on the wall!!!

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  36. Somewhere there is a bee doing a frantic bee dance to tell the rest of the hive inhabitants how one of their brethren died in a wild tangle of hair as some creature shook and thrashed it to death.

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