Aug 9, 2018


They run on a route and stop at the same places over and over and over again.  The one that keeps hitting me must have a spinster sized dent in it by now, since I have not yet figured out how to get the heck out if its way!

I am decidedly unwell today, Dearies. It started yesterday in the chair after seven unsuccessful attempts to get me hooked up to Beepy, and continued into the wee hours with wanting to crawl under a rock.


Maybe a virus.  Maybe a flu. Maybe the weather, or something I picked up from a fellow patient or tech. Maybe it's just par for the course at this stage of the game. No matter the origin, though, methinks I would prefer this little visitor to make his or her way elsewhere...toot sweet.

The hardest thing about being me today (and most days), is that my brain is singing "Oh, what a beautiful morning!" and looking forward to various and sundry fun things on the agenda, but my body is singing a big fat "Nope! No way, no how!"

I suppose that this is the plight of most folks these days, especially those with chronic illness or advancing age or circumstances that prevent them from doing all the things. But, because I've always had a head like a rock, I never realized I am one of them. (You give me a fifteen foot wall and I will claw my way to the utility closet to find the sixteen foot ladder.)

It's not a matter of ego. I just realized early on that there are those that are gifted with brains or beauty or talent or ability, and then there are those of us who have....grit and determination. It's not a self-depricating comment, Dearies, I promise you. I am, if nothing else, a realist. And I know that I might have to work a little harder, but the reward is worth it in the end.

Hmmmm. All of this naval gazing on a Thursday. I suppose it is the result of trying to do all of the big hard things and trying to figure out how to do these big hard things and not lose my mind or drop dead in the process, but do them I must.

Dialysis just sucks. I know it. You know it. Every single person on the planet who has ever done it knows it. It's awful and hard and scary and painful and a bit of a nightmare that you get to look forward to every other day...for an unknown period of time. 

It sucks.

But there is a very large part of me left that realizes that it is an enormous blessing that is literally keeping me alive. It is, for the most part, a very minor inconvenience in the scope of things, and I really do thank God each and every day that it is an option that is a available to me.

But it still sucks.

Today's plan will come together after I've had another cup of damn good and read the paper. I long for the days when my feet hit the floor and I was semi-coherent and got on with it, but for now I need to learn to function through this morning blur and just make sure I am upright, bathed, and have pants on.

I am still loving RVC, and hope that I can spend some time with her later this afternoon. I took a look at her sans q-snaps the other day and was pleasantly surprised at how much I have finished thus far. If I really buckled down and concentrated on her exclusively, methinks she could be finished (and maybe off to the framer) soon. Besides...pulling that silk through that linen is better than any other therapy I can think of, so maybe I should start making that a priority on my list of things to do to stay semi-sane!

The sun is shining, the birds are tweeting sweetly, the clouds are big and fat and puffy, and I am determined to make the most of the day. Thank you for indulging my "off-ness" today...I promise to get my head out of my heiney.


Do something wonderfully fun today and come tell me all about it. Tell me what's blowing your skirt up...what has you vexed or stumped....what tools you're obsessed with....or who has made your heart sing today!  Cheerio and WooHoo and all of that...Happy Thursday!


  1. Persistence (hummed to the tune of Fiddler's Tradition) and
    there you have it and you certainly do have it, Coni.. What
    an inspiration you are to all of us while keeping us in stitches both literally and figuratively.... How well you describe that inertia one has to battle to get on with life,
    brave heart. By the weekend, please God, you will be ready to
    face the golf course, pool, the RVC and whatever else appeals
    to you. Bless you.

  2. I do admire how you keep going with a good positive attitude--you inspire me--so keep it going!!
    I have what is called MCS (multiple chemical sensitivity) and about everything I am near bothers me--even with 3 air purifiers running in this small apt--so I know what you mean about the off days--and not knowing what is bothering you--I go crazy sometimes trying to figure out what chemical I was exposed to and when--so am learning to just keep on keeping on!!!! if it is a really bad day--I just sit and do counted cross stitch or hand sewing or knitting--and keep the feeling better days for housework or shopping--the key I think to life for everyone is--flexibly--always have a Plan B planned!!!! take care--am thinking of you--
    enjoy, di

  3. Oh Coni, I hope you are feeling better soon and whatever flu/virus/germ that has invaded you leaves toot sweet. I think this heat/humidity has taken its toll on everyone. Enjoy that damn good and then your stitching! Thinking of you!

  4. Guts and determination stay, but beauty and figure fade, well that's what I'm banking on. I'm 'herding cats' today. I work in a NGO that runs on volunteers who have real jobs, a challenge sometimes to keep the 'cats' all in the one direction. Robyn C

  5. I just joined Barbara's Strawberry Club. Every month I will receive a canvas, stitch guide and threads to make a strawberry. Life is good!

  6. I am so sorry your dialysis is so difficult. My BIL just started his a few weeks ago, he says it is a breeze and he is back to work full time. I know he is tough, but the difference between his experience and your has me stumped. I know nothing about it though, perhaps there are different types, or levels or something.
    My needlework has me occupied pretty much these days...I am stitching the Dorcas Haynes sampler with silks, loving every smooth stitch. Our money situation has me vexed nearly to tears. I thought I might be able to swing a class with Nicola Parkman in NC next year by combining it with my trip home to NS, but I don't think I can swing it. My mom is 94 (you may need to refresh your coffee, it's ok, i'll wait) and instead of her leaving me a little money in her will, I asked if I could have it now so I could come visit her. I would rather see her than have money, so she agreed and that is what I will do. I am flying from Texas to Nova Scotia Canada, so it is an expensive trip. Detouring to NC will cost extra, along with the money for the class and two nights in a hotel...well, it just ain't gonna happen. Nicola and I have become such good net friends, I really wanted to meet her in person. As the Stones said, "You can't always get what you want"
    I did get something we needed today in West Texas...rain!! I am so glad, we rally needed it!
    Sorry this was so long, but you did ask for it ;)
    Have a great stitchy res-of-the-week!! xo

  7. I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma 11 months ago. Currently on immunotherapy every other week for a year. It's not anything like dialysis but it does make me generally tired and I've lost a lot of zest for my favorite things..stitching included. Hang in there Coni! Some days are just better than others! 🌻🌻🌻

  8. Sorry, I am so missing in action lately. But please know that you are loved, virtually hugged and prayed for. This too shall pass. Love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn ♥♥♥

  9. Hope you are feeling better today Coni.

  10. Any of us who deal with chronic, debilitating illness know exactly what you're talking about. If it were not for grit and a wicked humor, I personally would've crawled into a box and died years ago, so you are Not Alone. If I can't sew, knit or quilt, I mentally do it during long sleepless nights or long, tedious days of have-to-does. I'm so sorry you have such a painful cross to carry. Know that you are loved and remembered in our prayers, and we all hope you move up that Donor list quickly.

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  12. Hope whatever was giving you the trouble left you quickly! And looking forward to seeing a picture RVC!!