ONE MONTH

It's been one month today.  I swear, it feels more like a thousand years, but today I am going to think happy funny thoughts about my Little.

(I'm still in the well, but now I seem to be sitting upright at the bottom of it rather than lying face down in the complete darkness.  Eventually, I will be able to kneel...then stand...then start climbing one step at a time out of it and back up onto the surface of things. But for now I am in familiar territory and am breathing and not completely broken, so methinks a few more days down here will be OK.)

Today I want to think about his funny little overbite and how, when he really wanted to get you rolling on the floor, he'd get his upper lip stuck and stick his front teeth out like Jerry Lewis.  And the minute I'd catch sight of this, I would howl and belly laugh and completely forget about whatever it was that he had just done that should have made me cross with him, but gave me reason to scoop him up and laugh and laugh at his funny little bunny teeth.

Or the time that I heard something coming from the vacinity of his little bed, and I caught him chewing a stick of gum....casually...like he might have had something for lunch that was full of garlic or onion and he wanted minty fresh breath for his afternoon nap.

I could also think about his special "friend" Stumpy the Moose, and how I had to teach him that "private time" with Stumpy was probably best had in actual private and not in the middle of the living room floor when company was visiting. 

(As God is my witness...All I had to say was "Stewey, please do that in private" and he would drag that poor moose into the bedroom.  One evening, Aunt Chrissy and I grew concerned when he disappeared with Stumpy for what seemed like a very long time.  I will spare you the inappropriate details, but suffice it to say that it involved a $250 bill at the emergency vet for what I believe is referred to as a "happy ending" in less than reputable establishments worldwide.)

This funny little furry creature was my entire life for eleven years, four months, and eight days and I honestly don't think I would trade one single moment of that for anything...not even to erase the pain I feel now.  I got to be a Mommie and discovered things about myself that I never would have imagined to be true...like my capacity to love something that deeply or to accept love in return.

For such a little thing, he sure left a big hole in my silly world, but I'm slowly filling up that hole with happy memories.  Thanks for indulging me.  I know that if he were here he'd be completely exasperated with his Mo-ther for the dramatics, but some things, I suppose, must never change.