May 29, 2016


Today was furniture moving day, so I threw on a pair of twenty year old bike shorts and a t-shirt left over from the Eisenhower administration and got to it.

I had some Crohn's issues in the middle of the night last night, so I've been a little light headed today.  Thinking that moving furniture might prove to be kinda stupid...I decided to do it anyway.  But I figured I would just try a little prayer so that if today was the day I was finally going to have that heart attack, I could at least get the loveseat back in the living room and maybe take a shower before the paramedics arrived.

So there I my bike shorts and t-shirt chanting "Jesus, take the wheel...Jesus, take the wheel" when my doorbell rang.

It was an older couple and a little kid that looked remarkably like the kid in Jerry McGuire, except this one had a bow tie.  And a sweater vest.  

(Did the kid in Jerry McGuire have a bow tie?  Or a sweater vest? I can't remember.)

I couldn't hear what they were saying to me because it was at that precise moment that both Bosco and Stewey decided to go bat shit crazy simultaneously.

(Normally they take turns to do this so that one can rest while the other mauls the drapes, but today they were a Jack Russell tornado of barking and, in Stewey's case, tiny little bunny teeth.)

The little kid handed me a brochure through the crack in the screen door.

I looked down and saw a picture of Jesus, and as God is my witness (and I guess he kinda was), the brochure said "How's my driving?"


It didn't really say that.  It was a brochure about the church around the corner, but if I admit that then I have to deny the fact that I looked at this brochure and said "Holy shit!" to three very lovely, but now traumatized Jehovah's Witnesses.

They REALLY should make pills for this.


  1. Oh Coni, Coni, Coni--I love you!!! I was feeling a bit low (IBS attack - figured you'd understand), and this gave me the biggest belly laugh of the month!! Oh how I wish you were MY sister!
    Hugs from Arizona

  2. Too Funnnny, Laughed till I cried. Thank you for being you!

  3. Does this furniture moving mean that Aunt Chrissy has left the premises?

  4. What a great little story and a fabulous laugh. Remember to be careful what you ask for! ha ha ha!

  5. Oh my just tickle my gizzard !!

  6. Oh Hahahaha!!! "Chanting Jesus take the wheel" I am going to start doing that.

  7. What a picture you painted with words! That gave me a good laugh!

  8. Even though the pamphlet did not say those words, it was
    well timed and should have produced a Holy S.....! The
    good Lord knows when you need confirmation.... Enjoyed
    the chuckle...and hope the lovely family has recovered...

  9. Years ago we had pyramid yews on each side of the front door. They came, rang the bell, I opened the door to find them slowly backing off the steps and proceeding to their car. Hmm. Was it my wild hair? No, it was several snakes that lived under the steps, coiled around the yews. Never saw those people again.

  10. LMBO!!! Thank you! :D Cathryn

  11. LMBO!!! Thank you! :D Cathryn

  12. You gave me a good laugh this morning! Furniture moving day...does this mean your sister has moved out?

  13. LOL! Serves them right for showing up on your door uninvited with religious pamphlets. I have to ask, what's your roommate situation? Has Aunt Chrissy moved out?

  14. Best laugh I've had in a couple of weeks!! Tee hee, I can just see th look of horror on those poor JW's faces!!

    Debbie in Kansas