Remember my friend Dr. Dan? He was the one that nicknamed me Coni Island because spending any time with me was such a fun ride of ups and downs and ups and downs.
Can I just point out that this was a full 30 years ago and that I was in my 20's at the time and it is expected....dare I say MANDATORY to be a bit...DRAMATIC at that age?
What in the holy hell was I thinking to introduce so much change into my life recently? What stupid self-help book did I hear about on NPR that told me the best way to keep young and active was to completely upend oneself into a mess of loose ends, uncertainty, and general swirling chaos? What happened to doing the Jumble to keep my brain nimble?
I come from very normal, relaxed, sane, organized, calm people. I really do. Both Mom and Dad were relatively quiet, competent, happy, grown people that did what they had to do to live good, healthy, well-adjusted, productive lives.
Me lately? Well, let's just say that the freakin' apple didn't so much as FALL from the tree as it SPRINTED and then ROLLED about a thousand miles away from the damn orchard.
I think that I finally made an executive decision in the wee hours of the morning as I was waiting for the sun to come up so that I could shower, dress, put my shoes on, and go to Guild yesterday.
I've "enoughed" before. On April 30th of last year I told the hyena to find another target for his feces-throwing, soul-crushing tantrums and I put down my little clipboard and walked out. Later that same year I "enoughed" Stewey when he insisted that I jump like a crazy person every time he rang his little bell and hollered "Carson! Mrs. Carson! I'm ready for my tea and toast now, please!" Both decisions resulted in a calm, happy, normal Spinster who did things like read and write and stitch and blog and cook.
Well, I'm still reading and writing and stitching and blogging and cooking, but I have allowed an element of hyena-ness/little Mr. Fussypot-ness back into things and I just don't like it one bit. So instead of going right down the drain that I've been circling these last few weeks, methinks I'm going to just climb right out of the tub once and for all.
All of this navel gazing and fretting about the dumbest stuff can't be good for me, and I know as sure as I'm sitting here that it has probably been b-o-r-i-n-g as hell for you too. I don't DO high maintenance well, but I sure have given it my level best these last few weeks, huh?
So...enough. The world is not going to end tomorrow if I don't find the clue to why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do. And! I am hereby stopping the roller coaster of change that I brought about with the "I really need to get out of the house more and pay better attention to how I use my resources" routine. I like my house and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay in it for a minute. And if I secretly want to watch marathons of Housewives while eating a Cheeto or two, then...so be it.
Well, I guess that would be the manifesto for the day. Stay tuned, because (if you know me at all) it's sure to change tomorrow. Today, though, I'm going to get back to it and see what I can do about finishing Tidbits and jumping in to Royal Garden....updates soon, I promise!