Apr 10, 2016


Remember my friend Dr. Dan?  He was the one that nicknamed me Coni Island because spending any time with me was such a fun ride of ups and downs and ups and downs.

Can I just point out that this was a full 30 years ago and that I was in my 20's at the time and it is expected....dare I say MANDATORY to be a bit...DRAMATIC at that age?

What in the holy hell was I thinking to introduce so much change into my life recently?  What stupid self-help book did I hear about on NPR that told me the best way to keep young and active was to completely upend oneself into a mess of loose ends, uncertainty, and general swirling chaos?   What happened to doing the Jumble to keep my brain nimble?

I come from very normal, relaxed, sane, organized, calm people.  I really do.  Both Mom and Dad were relatively quiet, competent, happy, grown people that did what they had to do to live good, healthy, well-adjusted, productive lives.

Me lately?  Well, let's just say that the freakin' apple didn't so much as FALL from the tree as it SPRINTED and then ROLLED about a thousand miles away from the damn orchard.

I think that I finally made an executive decision in the wee hours of the morning as I was waiting for the sun to come up so that I could shower, dress, put my shoes on, and go to Guild yesterday.


I've "enoughed" before.  On April 30th of last year I told the hyena to find another target for his feces-throwing, soul-crushing tantrums and I put down my little clipboard and walked out.  Later that same year I "enoughed" Stewey when he insisted that I jump like a crazy person every time he rang his little bell and hollered "Carson!  Mrs. Carson!  I'm ready for my tea and toast now, please!"   Both decisions resulted in a calm, happy, normal Spinster who did things like read and write and stitch and blog and cook.

Well, I'm still reading and writing and stitching and blogging and cooking, but I have allowed an element of hyena-ness/little Mr. Fussypot-ness back into things and I just don't like it one bit.  So instead of going right down the drain that I've been circling these last few weeks, methinks I'm going to just climb right out of the tub once and for all.

All of this navel gazing and fretting about the dumbest stuff can't be good for me, and I know as sure as I'm sitting here that it has probably been b-o-r-i-n-g as hell for you too.  I don't DO high maintenance well, but I sure have given it my level best these last few weeks, huh?

So...enough.  The world is not going to end tomorrow if I don't find the clue to why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do.  And!  I am hereby stopping the roller coaster of change that I brought about with the "I really need to get out of the house more and pay better attention to how I use my resources" routine.  I like my house and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay in it for a minute.  And if I secretly want to watch marathons of Housewives while eating a Cheeto or two, then...so be it.

Well, I guess that would be the manifesto for the day.  Stay tuned, because (if you know me at all) it's sure to change tomorrow.  Today, though, I'm going to get back to it and see what I can do about finishing Tidbits and jumping in to Royal Garden....updates soon, I promise!


  1. "Never less alone than when alone." Scipio Africanus
    That quote is sometimes my mantra but I would add - alone in my own little house.

  2. Congratulations Coni. This is exactly what turning 50 is all about... being empowered to do as you darn well please and not worrying what others think about it. Live your life as you want...no one can be you better than YOU

  3. I have nothing to offer but to say stick with what you know and what makes you happy.

  4. I agree with needlenut10. It's time to be free to do what pleases you most and if that's being at home and watching marathons while you cook, stitch & blog, read & write. If you're a happy camper then that's all that matters. :D Yea Coni! ~Cathryn

  5. You do what you need to do to stay happy! I think you are pretty terrific.

  6. As long as you don't eat Cheetos seven nights a week..do what makes you happy. As to watching Housewives to each his own...I would rather binge watch Downton or Dr. Who but that is why the earth is pear shaped, do what makes life fun!

  7. Yea Coni! You go girl! Do what makes YOU happy, not the world!

  8. Brilliant commentary, dear one...You have the gift for turning a phrase.. the navel gazing evidently did result in some rewarding self discovery - to thine own self be true... you are lucky to be able to identify what it is that makes you whole
    and if that includes Cheetos...so be it, just don't jettison Stewey-love...believe
    it or not, you are coming into your own and
    into that period of your life when you will
    face it all with greater confidence, understanding and acceptance...just don't lose your biting wit...all these, a gift of your quiet, competent and grown Parents..

  9. Sounds very sensible to me. You come first and the rest will follow...I think, anyway, be yourself.

  10. Good words, my dear, who says that at 50 you are bound to anyone else's ideals, especially when it comes to where your heart is...so many people would love to have such a blessed place to rest their ass, especially with a Stewey round the abbey...bonus!
    Hang in there girl, I once read that the decade birthdays cause some unsettling within our subconscious as our we prepare for the next phase of life...and I can now say after 2 years into the 50s, I'm liking what I see :)

  11. Someone already said it but it can't be repeated enough... To thine own self be true. I too am happiest alone in my home. That seems to really bother people for some reason. They just don't understand the anxiety and energy it takes for me to do social gatherings and are often put off by it. It used to bother me but now I don't care if they don't 'get' me.

  12. Yay for you! Do what makes you happy and forget the rest. :)

  13. Yay, Coni! You have it exactly right - do what makes you happy. If this epiphany means that you need to rethink the idea of the October weekend ("Oh, no, What was I thinking?!"), I, for one, will understand. I'm with Cory: "To thine own self be true."