Aug 4, 2014



I am utterly and totally bobcumdistulated today.  I'm pretty sure that it has to do with the fact that I have just spent the last TWO weekends out of town, but the more likely explanation is that I had to be ME out there in the public and not be too MUCH me for more than fourteen seconds at a time.

I think my head is going to explode.

What can I say?  You spend the majority of your life hiding in your house with a fussy little dog and you get a little nuts when you have to wear shoes and a bra and carry on polite conversation about something other than ort receptacles.

The first trip outside of my comfort zone (Read that as: outside the eight-foot perimeter of Chez Spinster), was to Donaldson, Indiana and the annual Sit 'n Stitch with 50 of the most amazingly wonderful ladies you will ever meet.  It was life-changing for me in many many ways, and I learned how to take a shower in the glove compartment of a Ford Focus.

(If you've ever been to the Lindenwood Retreat Center at Ancilla College in Donaldson...insert your guffaws here.)  All I can tell you is that the size of the shower and the amplitude of Yours Truly made for a very interesting morning.  At one point, I figured that the best way to get clean would be to apply the body wash to the walls of the shower/glove compartment, and then just shimmy my way to a bright and spot free shine, but the resulting jiggly bits threw me into convulsions that could be heard all the way down the hall.

A fair amount of thread was applied, removed, and applied again to the Zecca Bird in a Nest canvas, but alas, I do not have it or my camera here for photographic evidence.  Tomorrow....I promise.

This last weekend found me in Lima, Ohio for my 30th high school class reunion.

(I'll save you from having to do the math in your head.  Ready?....I'm 48.)

(You're welcome.)

Now here's where I confess that I fretted and fretted and fretted about this for six months, purposely missed the deadline to attend, and then turned my car around about nine times because of the full-on panic that ensued every single time I thought of having to say "Hi, do you remember me?  I was the one sitting in History class trying to look like I had a clue about what I was doing, but all I really wanted to do was go hide in my locker until graduation."

The flop sweat hit ten minutes after I left the hotel and the red blotches appeared right about the time I realized that there was no good way to run screaming from the banquet room without drawing attention to my big fat heiney hastily packed into twelve year old capris pants and a blouse that was apparently made of thermo-nuclear fabric. (I'm pretty sure that I could have baked a ham in there and had plenty of heat left over for the green bean casserole.)  (Note to self.....find.  better.  deodorant.) (Second note to self....burn. blouse.)

By the time the event started (oh, did I mention that I was about four hours early?), I had worked myself up into a froth of bug-eyed, sweaty, blotchy, messiness that could only be contained in the corner stall of the ladies room.  I spent a fair amount of time in there quietly gritting my teeth and chanting "Get a freakin grip already.  Get a freakin grip already" until it occurred to me that people were probably starting to wonder about the weird girl who spent the night in the john talking to herself.

Yeah.  THAT'S the way to rebuild a reputation.

Despite having to be ME, I managed to have the time of my life, and I can't believe that I was actually lucky enough to go to school with this group of people.

Thank God, though, that I've got five years to recover, get a grip, and find better pharmaceuticals.

Stewey sends his love.  He was happy to spend some time with his Aunt Chrissy, but a bit miffed that it was not (as I had promised him) a vacation aboard a Viking Cruise through the waterways of Europe.  (Can I help it if he's getting harder and harder to please?  A mo-ther's gotta do what a mo-ther's gotta do to get the damn dog in the car seat, after all.)

Here's hoping that your last few weeks have been filled with all things happy.  If you've gone to your own events this summer and would like to pass along any helpful tips about how one might learn to be a little less....Spinster Stitcher-ish, please drop me a line.  I'll take all the help I can get.

Woo Hoo!


  1. I think everyone dreads are certainly not alone!!!!
    I've wanted to go to a stitching retreat/weekend--something I'd like to do in the future! You are so funny!! I love your shower description--maybe baby wipes could work instead of a shower in a situation like that!!! HA HA
    Loved this post!

  2. Eww, no high-school reunions for me. You've left me hearing sounds like air being slowly released from a balloon! Lol! I'd like to attend a stitchy retreat myself as its hard to find like minded people in my part of the country! Thanks for the laugh!

  3. There is one great thing about getting old Coni, you no longer care a fat furry rat's behind what people think about you. You are who you are, warts, beauty and angst. I went to the Silver Needle summer fling for the second time and it was great, just great. Over 100 women and I had a ball. It is getting to be an annual event with me.

  4. What is it with retreat center bathrooms? They ARE tiny! Glad to hear you got some stitching done and had a great time at your reunion.

  5. Loved your post! We've all been there in one way or another and can sympathize and laugh with you.
    Thank you!

  6. Glad you had a good time at the retreat. The one and only quilting retreat I went on the bathroom situation was terrible as well. Never went back because of it. High school reunion, what is that? Never went back for one of those either. LOL Glad that you are Stewey are doing well.

  7. I have never gone to a High School Reunion and never will I am 63, all they do at reunions is bash you behind your back and ack like they really like you, I would rather attend stitching retreats which I do five times a year different retreats different people.
    At least we have the same interests.
    You crack me up I hate small bathrooms.
    Hi Stewey be good.


  8. I'm sure it went better than you think! Who puts on the sit and stitch?

  9. I would be thrilled to get into a pair of pants I wore 12 years ago!

  10. I applaud your courage in attending your class reunion...I have avoided mine like the plague.

    Sounds like your stitching retreat was fun!

  11. Sounds like you got the cruise ship shower without the Viking cruise. I'm glad you had fun!

  12. You are hysterical! I bet I could get my hubby to do the body wash on the wall thing and I would die in a fit of laughter! But, stitching retreats are wonderful no matter the accomodations because we are wonderful people that accept you no matter what.

    I say skip the next reunion. I missed my 30th this year because my daughter graduated high school the same weekend. I won't get that lucky again and should have played the lottery! Go recover in your happy chair!

  13. My normal advice would be "more wine" but I think reunions call for "whiskey on the rocks"..
    After two, you spend most of your mental energy trying to walk upright and keep your eyes from crossing. Or so I'm told. Glad you're back in the stitchy chair! Hugs to Stewey.

  14. Facebook has spoiled me; I wanted to like Dale's comment. Me too! I haven't been to a stitching retreat in a long while but the accommodations are often made up for by the fun! I go to college reunions always and high school ones never. I think you can tell which group of women I like better.

  15. You're such an entertaining writer! Who *doesn't* hate facing a crowd of strangers, and especially those we had as peers in high school? Well, maybe some really sanguine types. But the world would be a lonely place if all it had in it were those who "know everyone, but no one well." Glad-handers who look at ya but don't care to hear who you really are. Hail, introverts! We're smart, intuitive and creative! Stitch on and PLEASE keep letting us into your life. You rock!