May 17, 2014


My mo-ther can't come to the blog right now.  She's collapsed (yet again) into a hysterical mess of a heap over this:

As I'm sure many of you are aware, my stupid mo-ther is a self diagnosed agoraphobic with moderate to severe panic disorder....who didn't leave the house for a period of eight years.

(She says it's because she was afraid that she would break out into a flop sweat and then chatter like a circus monkey over the prospect of having normal human interaction, but I think the only reason why she played this little drama to the hilt is because she didn't have a proper bra.  Or haircut.)

So now she's thrown herself across the davenport with her forearm draped across her face while she bemoans the fact that the garden has yet to be planted, the patio furniture has yet to be placed, the geraniums have yet to be positioned, and she is never going to leave the confines of her freshly shampooed Happy Chair again.

If it weren't for the fact that I abhor violence so, I would get a garden spade from the garage and dispatch this situation forthwith.  As it is, I am going to have to call my Aunt Chrissy to ask her to prepare the guest quarters.

Methinks it's going to be a long summer.

I do hope that this finds you well and that things are considerably less dramatic in your corner of the world.

With much love from your pal, 


  1.'s just a cute little garter snake. They can be a bit stinky but they certainly won't hurt you. You tell your Mo-ther that snakes have a job to do and if we didn't have them, our homes would be overrun with icky mice and rats. I am, however, glad to see she's back in her stitchy chair. Hugs from Tucson, AZ where we hit 100 degrees yesterday for all of two full minutes.

  2. Oh dear God, Connie, huge hug! I lost all control just seeing that horrible pic of the "gulp" you know what…I am so with you g-friend….haaate those things!
    Stay inside and let your poor heart calm down and then when it's totally safe…head out to obtain some ice cream and then back to the happy chair.
    Hang in there

  3. Very funny post. My brother used to bring them home in his pocket, much to my Mom's horror.

  4. Ugh!! I am so with you on this one!! I encountered a huge black bull s***e one afternoon while stepping out my back door to hang the wash. That was the last time I had air-dried fresh smelling was machine dried only laundry from then on!!

  5. Eww. I don't blame your poor mother for staying inside either.

  6. OMG Coni - subject warnings please!! I am totally PHOBIC about them. My day of infamy was 10-30-13 when I found a baby rattler in our yard. Thank God DH was home to dispatch it while I had a nervous breakdown in the house. I am so sorry for you and hope someone took it away, if my DH hadn't been home I would've called 911!

  7. What a lovely little garter snake! They are sooo cute, and very useful in the garden. Bull snakes will kill and eat rats, mice, and rattlesnakes - very useful around the yard and barn.

  8. Truthfully, I too don't like snakes since I found one eating a baby bunny! My husband laughed because I told him to "Drop It". Didn't happen. And if you were in Iowa, the wind would blow your lawn furniture and plants over, so don't sweat it, you are not alone. Stupid weather. Take care.

  9. Now, Stewey, if you were a brave little dog like our youngest dog, that snake would already be dead!! Our dog Oreo HATES snakes; if she finds them they are dead snakes. Of course, if they decompose, well, um, I will leave that to your imagination!! Glad the stitchy chair is so cozy. And tell you mama our yard is a true mess!! No big deal!

    Debbie in Kansas

  10. I love the comment of flop out sweat, I do that myself quite often and laughed so hard when I read this post!!! LOVED IT~