Nov 19, 2013


Let me begin with a very tearful and very heartfelt THANK YOU for your inquiry as to how we weathered the storm.  We are all fine here...just lost power for a short time and got to have a little sleep over at Aunt Chrissy's, but we are none the worse for wear.  Our hearts and prayers are with those who didn't fare as well, though, and I extend my usual invitation to anybody who needs a place to stay...come on over -- we'll leave the light on for ya'.

So...on this episode of "Life with a fussy little dog who is slowly driving me to the nuthouse"....

For the most part, Stewey and I are very routine people.  We tend to do the same things at the same time every day,and when these routines are interrupted, we feel dizzy and out of sorts.

Apparently, Stewey's new routine involves becoming a farmer, because for the last month and a half my damn dog has awakened precisely at 4:10 am with the urgent need to go outside to sniff the patio chairs and to then come inside to eat breakfast.  (Three crunchy little marrow bones and a Greenie, thank you very much).  (On the weekend, we have tea and toast in real china cups...but that's another story for another day.)

This morning at 4:10 am when my damn dog shot out from under the covers, launched himself out of the big girl sleigh bed, and ran to the back door, I found myself standing in the hallway shouting at the top of my lungs...."ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??!!!  WHEN DID YOU DECIDED TO BECOME AN EFFING FARMER???!!!"

To which he replied in a manner that only Stewey can..."Mo-ther.  As you full well know, I am NOT a farmer.  I am a so-phis-ti-cate, and if you had more than a tea cup's worth of brain in your head (see what I mean about the tea cup?), you'd know that it is, by all accounts, a perfectly acceptable time for breakfast in Paris.  As a matter of fact, I think it's quite near the brunch hour, so open the door, if you please, and let me examine the patio furniture so that I might come in for a little bite."

I stood there sputtering obscenities for a full ten seconds before I realized that the damn dog had a point and that if I DIDN'T open the door I'd be cleaning up a lot more that Greenie bits and crunchy little marrow bone bits from the ottoman.

So our new routine now goes something like this:

4:10  Morning patio furniture inspection
4:12  Breakfast
4:15  Whine at the side of the sleigh bed until Mo-ther reaches down to scoop me up
4:45  Finally realize that stepping an eighth of an inch away from said Mo-ther's extended fingers as she precariously hangs over the side of the bed while reaching down to scoop me up is probably not  a good idea for this extended period of time, especially given the old lady's propensity for rage, high blood pressure, and the ability to fall out of the sleigh bed and break an ample (yet apparently surprisingly brittle) hip
5:00 Snuggle back down under the covers and wait until the first Mo-ther snore is heard bellowing from the general vicinity of the pillows.
5:01 Bolt furiously from under the covers, jump off the of the bed, and wait to see how many profanities spew forth.
5:05  Stand in the middle of the living room rug to see if Mo-ther will chase me, or if she'll just give up, say "Oh screw it", and roll over to go back to sleep
5:06  Hear snoring, water the drapes, poop in the dining room, and jump up onto perch to await dawn.

(For the record....the alarm clock is set for 6:30.  Do you have any idea how much fun it is to wake up at 4:10 every day knowing that Little Lord Fauntleroy is going to have a full 14 hours of snooze time while I'm out trying to keep him in smoking jackets and Puppy Chow?)


  1. Dogs are like children-----logic has no place in their actions. I can attest that about the only things that will keep one from going completely insane are stitching and an occasional 'mind candy' book. Soooo just keep on stitching if you can stay awake----4:10am-----it is the middle of the night.

  2. Your post made me laugh out loud as only a mother of a dog could understand this. They know they have us under their paws and use it to their advantage whenever they can. They drive us silly at times but we wouldn't trade them for the world. Hope you get some more sleep soon.

    Elizabeth B

  3. Tell me about it. This morning I was rudely awakened at 5:38 a.m. There are TWO dogs for sale!

  4. You certainly made me laugh! Fortunately the cat is content to bury himself in the covers and sleep all night. Have you thought about what type of crops to grow?...

  5. Oh my, you have given me a good laugh. I sleep through the Bugs early morning antics. She always sleeps in her bed on my side but if she gets the urge she goes to the other side and wakes up the man of the house. Even if I do hear the squeak.....I don't. What can I say, any other time of the day she thinks the man is her best friend even if she was gifted to me.

  6. And that's why Dottie Dog has her own bedroom -- in the downstairs mudroom. She really does so much better when she's restricted to the mudroom and it allows us to get a full night's sleep. Hope your routine changes back to sleeping all night!

  7. Glad that you are safe and doing well. Oh the joy of pets.

  8. Your post gave me the giggles. Pets indeed know they rule our lives. I have a bird, who's luckily quite young and easy going. My cantankerous old female bird knew exactly the which pitch and decibel she needed to squawk at to get me out of bed for breakfast and kisses.

  9. Maybe I should have a talk with Mr. Stewey.

    The Dog Whisperer

  10. I would have a word with the little Mister and explain to him that there is always the over night option of a CRATE if he doesn't shape up.

  11. Here it's the opposite Bud doesn't like going out in the early morning when hubby is up and getting ready for work. He likes to wait for me to get up and then my feet can barely hit the floor before he makes that known. I wish it was as simple as opening a door, we live on the second floor.

  12. I feel your pain! We acquired a miniature Schnauzer puppy in September. We had one before this who lived to the ripe old age of 15 and for the last 5 or 6 years of his life was the bane of my existence. I swore up and down and round and round that I would NEVER, EVER get another dog, let alone a stubborn little Schnauzer. Well, as the story goes, it was quiet in the house, the little presence was missed, suddenly I remembered Timmy fondly and decided another one was needed. Now I am spending my days and evenings freezing my butt off while he plays tug o'war with the grass, or ivy outside, while he sniffs for what seems like hours at a time, only to get me fed up at which point I give up and return to the house, only to have him pee or poop on the floor. Of course, if I wasn't standing outside at night on the prairie in central Illinois where the wind never stops in something other than a nightgown and flip flops that may help, but be that as it may, again, I feel your pain. I think I would consider spiking his tea with a little something to help him sleep, if you know what I mean....just a thought!

  13. LOL...I hear you, girl!
    My dogs decided they weren't moving over to daylight saving time, so they are up an hour earlier and sit and wait for daddy for a couple of hours when he comes home for supper...makes me crazy. My greyhound, who is 13 1/2 yrs old, wakes me up at least 2 or 3 times every night. I finally decided to call his bluff and tell him to go lay down, which usually he does, however if he barks I do let him out right away. But, still that is a lot of sleep I am missing! I usually get up around 6, hubby gets home around 4 a.m., but he usually wants out before 4!! Now, the poodle, he would sleep all night, but if I don't pay attention to Magic's whine...he will come and give me little kisses to see if I heard Magic...I call him the "front runner". It can be humorous, but also can drive me crazy.
    Hang in way or the other one of you will get use to it! LOL
    Judy in Kansas

  14. Oh my! *gives Connie a Christmas cookie*

    Kisses to Stewey and Bosco...