Apr 20, 2013


A sense of perspective isn't something I have in droves, so in light of all of the actual real life important stuff that's happening in the world right now, I hope that you'll forgive an idiot spinster for spending a few moments rambling about her own silly little drama of a life.

On Wednesday, I was driving down the street talking to my Jersey boy on the hands-free telephone contraption, when I noticed a gentleman approaching the intersecting corner.  As I glanced over at him, I saw him clutch his chest, double over, and then fall to the ground.  "I think that man is having a heart attack", I said to my Jersey boy.  "I'll call you back".  So I turned my little red tin can around, pulled over, grabbed my telephone contraption and called 9-1-1.  The gentleman on the ground was alert and conscious and breathing, and told me he thought he was having a heart attack.  I didn't have to perform CPR, so I guess it was my job to make polite conversation with both the 9-1-1 dispatcher and the gentleman having the heart attack, because all I could seem to do was chatter like a circus monkey, give the gentleman having a heart attack a continual thumbs up/you're doing a good job staying alive, Brother gesture, and promising the 9-1-1 dispatcher that I would, under no circumstances jump on this gentleman's chest and holler "Bring me the paddles!  Charge to 500!  Stat!"

Two South Bend police cruisers were there within a matter of seconds, followed by what I presume to be a South Bend Fire Department ambulance, since all of the people in said ambulance had stuff written all over themselves that said "South Bend Fire".  I managed to shut the hell up long enough for everybody to do their job, put Bob on a stretcher, and send him off to the hospital, where I am hoping and praying he enjoyed a full and speedy recovery. 

(And yes, in case you were wondering, I was perfectly calm, composed, and semi-professional right up until the point that the South Bend police officer asked the gentleman having a heart attach what his name was, and when he replied "Bob", I burst into the ugly cry and said "That was my dad's name!  And he had TWO heart attacks!  He's dead now, but I loved him very much and my sister and I miss he and my mother every single day of our rotten little lives because nobody should have to go through life without their parents, especially when they are ill equipped to handle all that comes at them in the course of a normal, yet hectic week here on the planet Earth!")

(Or something like that, anyway.  All I know is that the officer patted my on the shoulder and made sure I was sufficiently OK to drive and get the hell out of the chaos and on to my destination without revealing too much more of my inner messed-up mechanisms.)

Fast forward to yesterday, when I was at the downtown post office.  A young mother and her little daughter came in after what I can only assume was a very very long day of doing a whole lot of crap that the little daughter had absolutely no interest in doing whatsoever.  She managed to stand in line for a full seven seconds before she went into full on melt-down mode, and it was all any of us could do to protect our eardrums.  This kid was m-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e and she wasn't going to stop until everybody within an eight mile radius knew this, so I decided to be "helpful" and engage the child in what I thought was appropriate conversation with someone in the midst of a nervous breakdown.  "I'm Butterfly McTootie Ladybug pants", I said while bending over to eye height with the kid.  "What's your name?" 

This might have worked at the Target a few years ago with a little boy named Ethan, but THIS particular child was having absolutely none of it.  I could swear I heard her tell me to go "f" myself, but that might have been the poor exasperated mother, who was, by this point, looking up in-patient mental health facilities on her iPhone.  I'm pretty sure that she would have slapped a stamp on her daughter's forehead and mailed her off to Montana if it would have meant that she could have gotten out of there with a shred of sanity and/or dignity in tact.

But I was not to be deterred by this.

"I'm Princess Tulip Buttercup Pansypants", I tried again.  "What's your name?"

This time the kid stopped hollering long enough to turn to her mother and say (loud enough for every single freaking person in the whole entire post office to hear her) "MOMMY!  WHY IS THE STUPID FAT LADY TALKING TO MEEEE???!!!!!  I DON'T LIKE THE STUPID FAT LADY!!!  I WANNA GO HOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!"

It was at this point that I heard the mother say "Oh, screw it", and she grabbed the kid and hauled her (still screaming, by the way) back out to the minivan.

I could have been humiliated, sure.  And, if I would have had an ounce of self respect, I would have quietly made my own exit so as not to have to endure the quizzical looks of all of the other post office patrons, but I decided to stand there instead, shrugging my shoulders while offering a rather weak (yet effective), "What can I say?  I've put a little water weight on this week."

All in all it was one of those weeks in which I wonder why I tried leaving the friendly confines of my Happy Chair.  To remedy that, I've decided to turn OFF the damn TeeVee, turn ON the You've Got Mail, and get my fingers busy with some stitching.

So how's things in YOUR neck of the woods?


  1. WOW! Saves a life...and gets insulted by a snotty brat....wonders never cease....you did good either way in BOTH instances. And if you ever wondered...my name is Sassy Tingleberry Mcfartydoodle. XD

  2. Hi Coni! This post really made me LOL.... Reminded me of a story from many years back, when a good friend of mine was leaving the dry cleaner with her little daughter, who definitely was having a bad day. A man in a fancy suit saw the little girl and her mother at the door ready to leave, and being the gentleman he seemed to be, opened the door for the two of them. At that point, the little girl turned and snapped at him, "I was going to do that, ya butt-sniffer!"
    I do hope Bob is doing well...

  3. Way to go, stitchy friend! Helping Bob shows what a compassionate and caring person you are. You are to becommended. The little girl, on the other hand, is the reason we have the Watertowns, Auroras, Columbines in this crazy as* world. Obviously, the mother did not have enough sense to reprimand the little girl about having respect for others. What a missed opportunity to teach her how to "behave" and she should have been taught how to apologize when we do or say things that aren't quite kosher. How sad she was allowed to act out like this without any direction.


  4. Well Coni Jo haven't you had the interesting day? Think those paddles should have been used on that little brat at the post office!! Shame on the Mom for not getting the situation in hand!! When my girls were little and acting up in public I would get down close to their little ears and say "DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU TO THE BATHROOM?" and no, they never said "yes I do please"...because they knew once we got in the bath room Mommy Dearest would burst forth from me and the wrath of "No wire hangers" would imerge! It's a wonder they can even use public rest rooms now that they have grown up!! LOL!!
    It is totally awesome that you were there for Bob!! You win the purple overdyed heart award for the month!

  5. Coni, There are plenty of skinny but unhappy people in this world who would have stepped right over poor Bob and walked on, but you did the right thing.... And pity that poor woman who has to live with that horrible child 24/7 and be glad she is not yours!! Of course if she were, she would not have acted like that in the first place! You are a sweet, kind person..stay just like you are!!!!

  6. And I thought my week was something else!! What did Stewey have to say about all of this?

  7. Great to see you survived all that! Little girl (and possibly her mother) needs a few lessons. But where is this navel you were gazing at and who does it belong to?

  8. Omg you are hilarious! I am a 911 dispatcher and I bet you were wonderful - you knew where you were - right? Perfect! You really did save that guy's life! Kids are evil little minions - I have two and they can be terrors!

  9. What an interesting week you had! Don't you wish you could find out what happened to Bob?

    I love hearing stories about bratty little girls, since I raised 3 boys (none of whom ever acted like that in public or otherwise) and always wished I had a daughter.

    I've followed your blog for awhile now and I don't remember ever hearing about "my Jersey boy". Please explain (for us nosey-types) :P

  10. Your week was eventful, at any rate. Kudos for the quick turn around and 911 call. It sounds like you were perfectly calm and thank god you were there for Bob!

    As for the child...I got nuthin`, makes me glad I didn`t have any!

  11. Wow, I'm impressed! I'd like to think that everyone who saw Bob fall over would have stopped to help but sadly I know most would have just turned away. You are my hero!
    Now the brat and her momma at the post office both needed a swift kick in the derrière or at the very least a sprinkling of the kneecaps by Master Stewey.

  12. What a hoot! I'll be giggling for hours, if not days. Thank you - you've made a stitching South African very happy - also a nice man in hospital, some police and ambulance personnel and the entire population of several queues in the PO! What a triumph. You deserve coffee and cake, and I hope you had some. No, not 'some' - LOTS!

  13. God bless you, Coni! You not only offered help and reassurance to a heart attack victim but "laughter is the best medicine" to people like me which is also extremely helpful. :) Cathryn

  14. What a horrible child!
    God bless you for doing the right thing with Bob. I know he sure appreciates it!

  15. Oh wow, what an adventerous day you had.

  16. Jobs Well Done!

    I would have quietly applauded you in the P.O. :) The two I visit around here are echo chambers and a screaming child would have been excruciating!

    Looking forward to your next stitching update - or Master Stewey's next set of observations :) :)

    M in NC

  17. What a spoiled brat and a clueless mother. Meltdowns I understand, but how does a child think it's okay to talk to people like that???? I have seen so many entitled brats these days. The way some of my friend's children talk to me and to other adults is ridiculous. What happened to treating others with respect??? My friends say their kids need to "express" themselves. Any promises of "grounding" last about 2 seconds. Really, what is wrong with people? The mother should have offered some kind of apology as she was hauling her little beast out the door or at least have had the Grace to look mortified. Good for you for keeping your composure and carrying on with your business. Show Stewey how it's done right!

    I am sure Bob is so grateful that you are in the World. He must think of you as his Guardian Angel. You are such a warm and wonderful person, your presence surely was a comfort to him at that frightening time. I think it was a sign and you were meant to be there. You are a Good Person with a capital "G"!!!

  18. Sorry! Didn't meant to write a book there! Didn't realize how long my comment was until it was posted. You got me on a roll!!!!

  19. Others may have laughed, but you made me cry. Cry at how wonderful you are that you actually saw a human being on the sidewalk, in need, and you went back to help. Cry because you were subjected to that horrible kid. I've been in that kind of situation where I just wanted to melt onto the floor and flow into the cracks between the tiles. After the week you had, you didn't deserve that.

  20. Coni, I think you did great at the post office, and got some peace and quiet there, for everyone besides the mom. My kids have had meltdowns in public (my older daughter had issues with hunger), and sometimes there is nothing you can say. I am sorry the little girl was rude, but you didn't retaliate, again, a victory on your side.

  21. I'm raising my glass of (regular) Coke to you ... Well Done, all the way around!
    Now hy thee off to yon Happy Chair and conquer a few more stitches!

  22. Well done! I hope Bob is doing ok. He's lucky you were there for him.

    As for the bratty child and her mother. I can only hope she was too shocked and embarrassed to correct her child in the PO but that she talked to her after taking her out. Wishful thinking perhaps...........

  23. Well Miss Butterfly McTootie Ladybug pants, I do believe you deserve the medal of honor! You are my hero! Please be happy with yourself for helping another human being, and for trying to help out a Mom and her melting down daughter. You can take pleasure in knowing that you are spreading good seeds and being an outstanding example. Shame on the Mom and her daughter, their lives could have been a little cheerier if she had only been polite to you. Don't stop trying, Coni. I, for one, am proud of you!

  24. That's good of you to stop and help someone! How scary! I hope that Bob is doing ok. Too bad that kid was having such a temper tantrum and acted so rudely! Kids say the darndest things but really...

  25. You were a hero to Bob, never forget that.

    As far as the child, sometimes we are not meant to fix what is broken.

    You rocked all day!!

  26. I wouldn't have been screaming in the post office as a child, but if you'd started talking to me, we'd still be there. You sound so sweet, and funny, God bless the world for people like you. Thank goodness you had the calm to pull over, stay with Bob, get him help, and do just fine. Your parents raised fine girls, I'm sorry they aren't there to share the benefits of seeing that hard work in action.

  27. Sorry that happened to you -- our parents' and grandparents' generations grew up with a different 'code of conduct' it seems. Used to be rudeness (especially to adults) was not acceptable or tolerated.

    No matter what a person's race, gender, religion (or lack thereof), what kind of car they drive, what color hair they have (if any), or what they eat (or choose not to eat) for dinner, any stranger we come across in our day-to-day lives should be treated with common courtesy!

    And, it's sad that we are seeing more and more kinds of incidents like this... and that even derogatory language used today in much of our entertainment media, has become 'funny'.

    Anyway, hope this doesn't stop you from reaching out, and being you!

    (and, I always enjoy your blog!)

  28. Wow Coni your a hero!! Some people prob wouldn't have even stopped. Congrats girl!! I hope to God my son never treats anyone the way that girl treated you and I hope her mom had some sense to teach her she was wrong to say what she did. You had a lot of composure! I would have been embarrassed and pissed off for sure!

  29. Sending you a big hug from across The Pond, because you so deserve it!

  30. Two good turns!

    I bet everyone in the post office was thinking, "thank goodness the child is gone" rather than about what she said.