Yesterday morning as I was snoozing in the sun, I felt the presence of something out on the patio. So, being the dainty and gentle creature that I am, I gingerly opened one eye and saw a tiny little itty bitty baby deer standing on the patio. She wasn't really much bigger than me, actually, so I guessed that her mommie was probably close by. We just enjoyed one another's company for several minutes, and I admired her gorgeous fawny-brown spotted exteriors while she (naturally) admired my very own white non-spotted exteriors.
Right about the time I was going to give the little baby deer a warning that I live with a complete idiot, my stupid mo-ther came around the corner and bellowed "OH HOLY *^&%$! IT'S A BABY DEER! STEWEY! LOOK AT THE BABY DEER RIGHT OUT THERE ON THE PATIO!!!"
This bellowing, of course, prompted the tiny little itty bitty baby deer to scurry for the back fence, where I'm assuming she realized that life with a pack of tick-ridden mammals that run like the wind is preferable to life with an idiot spinster who hollers a lot.
I hope I get to see her again.
(For purposes of stable mental health, Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy have convinced themselves that the itty bitty baby deer was, in fact, not alone at all, but that her mother was situated just out of sight and was supervising nicely, thankyouverymuch.)
It took a while, but the old lady eventually calmed down, and just about the time I thought we would head to the big girl sleigh bed for a snoozy nap, she decided to "take care of a situation" that has vexed her for several years now with respects to a neighbor. This neighbor is dumber and more off her proverbial nut than my mom is (if you can believe that) and for some damn reason Mom decided that yesterday was going to be the day that she solved the world's problems once and for all.
Needless to say, she didn't.
But while she was on the telephone with the lovely Kyla from Whippany (regarding said neighbor), I heard yet another bellowing. This time it was "OH HOLY (*^%!!!!!! IT'S AN ORIOLE! AN ACTUAL REAL LIVE ORIOLE!!!!"
Kyla from Whippany (who was probably used to dealing with crackpot Hoosiers and their sudden outbursts) said (in her very best Jerseyesque) "What the *#&$&'s an oriole?" and proceeded to listen to my stupid mother describe the intensely bright orange colored bird that had landed on the Weber grill and was now looking at her with mock exasperation.
(Can you imagine what it must be like to be that bird? There you are, just minding your very own business, when out of nowhere you've got maniac spinsters hollering about you and how pretty you are.)
Needless to say, by the time my Aunt Chrissy called from her BatMobile to say that she was on her way home from work, Mo-ther was practically frothing at the mouth over all of the excitement over here. I tried to bribe my Aunt Chrissy to come over, and I even made promises of a gorgeous New York strip steak dinner, but alas, Aunt Chrissy opted to get into her jammies and stitch the night away in the peace and quiet of her own home instead.
(I wonder how long it would take for the two of them to notice if I were to move out of here and plant myself into Aunt Chrissy's guest suite?)
On the stitching front, I'm sad to report that Mo-ther is ready to throw her Stained Glass Windows project through the window. She just couldn't leave well enough alone and stitch it with the colors that Aunt Laura calls for. Nope...she had to try to be creative and come up with her own palette. As you can see, it's a disaster of epic proportions. (Never fear, though. Rumor has it that once these sedatives wear off, Mo-ther will feel very refreshed and clear-headed and will probably spend a few hours up in the studio making things right in the world once again).
That's the report for today, my dear friends. I do hope that this finds you considerably more at ease in your little corner of the world and that you are having a pleasant and stitch-filled day!
With much love from your pal,