FUTZUS INTERRUPTUS

My Aunt CJ can't come to the blog right now. She's locked in her "special room" with a bottle of wine and the latest issue of Needlepoint Now. Looks like she might be in there a while, since I just heard the water go on in the bathtub. All I have to say to that is....better her than me.

Hi there. My name is Bosco Oliver Willowswamp. I'm a five and a half year old Shorty Jack Russell Terrier, and I live here in Hoosierville with my Mom. (I think you all know her as Aunt Chrissy.) I'm visiting with my Aunt CJ today (the Spinster Stitcher), because she felt really sorry for me and also because it's storming outside.

Why does she feel sorry for me, you ask? Well, I peed in the house yesterday, so when Mom came home from work there was a lot of hollering and stomping around and before I knew it I was back in Potty Training Bootcamp 101 (otherwise known as being confined to my apartment during the day while Mom is at work). This seemed to make my Aunt CJ upset for some reason, so as soon as she saw Mom leave for work today, she came in and picked me up and we went out for McDonald's breakfast.

I love my Aunt CJ because she takes me for rides on Wednesdays. We usually start at McDonald's, where we order a Happy Meal, and then it's off to Starbucks for a double shot latte. All of the ladies at the McDonald's and Starbucks know me by now, so whenever they see me coming, they say "Look! It's Bosco and that crazy lady coming for their Wednesday date!"

That seems to make Aunt CJ happy, because she just grins and grins and then tells them all about our special bond and how I am so much fun to play with because I know I'm a little dog (as opposed to Stewey, who thinks he's King High Exhalted of the Universe), and I don't expect her to know too much.

She's never said it out loud, but I think that my Aunt CJ gets very very lonely for companionship. Between me and you, she's not very smart sometimes, and it seems like my mom and Stewey are always making fun of her for something silly that she's done. As for me, I like her simple-ness, because it means that I can just play and have fun and not have to discuss anything serious like the state of economic affairs in the world or the impact of global warming and its relative effect on the planet's weather.

Sometimes she comes over to visit with me just because she needs a break from Stewey. I really feel bad for her on these days, so we just play and have fun and try not to break anything important so that when my mom gets home we won't get grounded or put into time out. (My Aunt CJ and I can get in a lot of trouble together.)

I love my Mom, I really do, but she's very calm and disciplined and strict. We have a very sensible routine and I know that I am not the alpha male pack leader in our house. I have chores to do each day and rules to follow and if I don't there are consequences. If I pee on something I'm not supposed to, my mom shakes her finger at me and I feel bad. If she tells me to do something, I know that I better do it or she'll give me a stern lecture. She's a lot of fun and we cuddle a lot and play together and hang out, but she's definitely de boss and i's definitely de bossee.

My Aunt CJ and Stewey seem to have a different relationship. He has NO rules and does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He wears this little silk smoking jacket around the house all day, and if his perch or toys get "mussed" he throws a holy hell nervous fit until my Aunt CJ runs in to fix everything and then she gives him a treat for being so sensitive. When he misbehaves, he gets therapy. When I misbehave, I get to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done.

Stewey doesn't like me very much, but that's OK. My Aunt CJ makes me feel better by making me peanut butter toast and letting me take a sip of her coffee. I love coffee. And dietCoke. And anything else that's in the cup next to the stitchy chair.

My favorite thing to do is play rocks with my best friend, Mr. Joe. Mom has these rocks in her flower beds and I like to play fetch with them. Mr. Joe is our next door neighbor, and he comes outside to have coffee sometimes, and he and I play until Mom hollers that it's time to come in. If I'm not outside playing, then Mom and I watch the birds and squirrels and bunnies and other things out in the back yard. She made a special place for me under her stitchy table, so I can go under there and look out the back door to my heart's content.

All in all, I would have to say that I've got it pretty good. Every now and then my mom will decide that she's going to lay down the law (like today when she put me in my potty training cage while she went to work), but one call to my Aunt CJ and I'm back in the saddle. If I could just get Stewey to like me a little bit, I'm sure we could have a lot of fun together, but the last time I tried to play with him he said "You're so boor-szwa" and then he went back into his fort with the newspaper. I guess we just don't have anything in common.

I hope that gives you a little more insight into life here with my aunt, and Stewey, and my mom. I'm not allowed to use the computer by myself at home, but Stewey told me if I paid him enough money, he would consider being my amanuensis (whatever that means).

Thanks for stopping by. I'm going to go check on my Aunt CJ now.

Sincerely,
Bosco