THE TUESDAY REPORT FROM MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP, HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My mom can't come to the blog right now. Once again, I've locked her in the laundry room with her Kindle and an extra jug of Tide for company and have instructed her to get to it.

My first order of business is to clear up some confusion regarding the hard hat "situation". For some strange reason, my mo-ther insists on parading me around the world as though I were her trained little monkey. And, I am sad to report, she does so with an obvious bias toward wanting a GIRL monkey, when I am most certainly NOT a girl monkey. I resent the implication that my taste is for all things pink. True, I do think a well-appointed pink tailored shirt is a necessity in any man's wardrobe, but as a matter of rule I do not wear it as the feature color of my accessories.

As as to my desiring a hard hat....peeshaw! While I certainly admire and respect everyone who dons one in the name of safety, I am NOT in any way envious of those who find it necessary to wear any special equipment when it's time to make their way in the world. Unless, of course, that special equipment involves a martini shaker and a brilliantly fashioned cravat.

One of these days I will allow my mo-ther to photograph me in my natural habitat so that you can see that my role model is indeed Mr. Hugh Hefner, and not Ms. Anna Nicole Smith as Mother would have you believe. In the meantime, I beg you not to encourage her, nor do I wish you to entice her to share any more of my private information. I have a hard enough time fielding media requests without all of the silly tabloids wanting to exploit my image on their latest issue. I am, however, readily available should Charlie Rose want to have me at the table.

Mom worked on a Christmas ornament last night:
This is the first ornament in the Little House Needlework monthly series, so she still has another few days to complete it if she wants to be on track for the year. I believe that she is going to steal her finishing technique from Ms. Vonna (shamelessly, I might add), so I'll make sure to share the final pics with you for critique. (Trust me, it'll suck and will most certainly send the old lady into a tailspin the likes of which we have yet to see.)

If I toss this into the laundry room today and swipe the Kindle, I might be able to share a finish with you tomorrow, but let's not hold our breath now, shall we? I know not to anticipate things around here and find that if I expect absolutely nothing from this woman I am very rarely disappointed.

Do have a splendid day today. I'm going to hit my perch for an afternoon screening of Dr. Zhivago. I've had it recorded for quite some time now, and seeing how it's rather cold and blustery outside today, methinks it's the perfect time to enjoy! Ciao!

With love from your pal,
Stewey