MR. DERSHOWITZ, PAGING MR. DERSHOWITZ

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's at the dry cleaners, picking up my fall clothing. I asked her to get my things ready for me over a month ago (I like to be prepared, don't you know), but as usual, she procrastinated until the last minute. So here we are on September 14th already, and I don't have one single sweater ready to go. Sheesh.

Now before you defend my mo-ther, please understand that I've had to put my little paw down on this whole situation. I feel that if the old lady is going to parade me about the neighborhood like some kind of trained monkey, then I should be able to look good doing it, n'est pai? And since it took me almost three whole years to get her to stop buying my clothes in the Target baby aisle, I feel justified in caring for my things as a proper gentleman should. (I've asked Santa Claus for a valet of my very own this year, so we'll see how that goes. I would prefer someone in the order of Sir Anthony Hopkin's character in "Remains of the Day", but I'll settle for any help I can get.)

Here's what she worked on yesterday:

This is a canvas that she bought all the way back in 2005 or 2006. She has futzed around with this darn thing for months and months each year since then, but has never been able to figure out what to do with it. Last February, she got the brilliant idea to pad the center hearts (which she did), and then POOF! on Sunday some inspiration came to her.

The lower right heart is stitched with Watercolors and two different colors of Splendor in a Burden stitch. This was pretty easy to do, but it took the entire screening of "A Few Good Men" for Mom to knock this out.

The upper left heart is combo stitch...Milanese with Giant Scotch. This one she's doing in Watercolors and DMC #5 perle cotton.

I suspect that she would have finished the heart on the left if she would have stopped pausing the DVR-thingie to watch the volleyball scene from "Top Gun" over and over and over again. I swear, I thought she was going to break the remote control. (And her lusty commentary on the whole thing was rather inappropriate for me to hear, I might add.)

Anywhoose, here are a few close ups of the stitches. First the Burden stitch:

And now for the Milanese with Giant Scotch:

I guess that will have to suffice for the report from Chez Spinster today. I've been barred from further detail by my mo-ther's legal team of late, so that would account for my sporadic blog posting. Sorry about that folks, but I'm afraid that she'll attach my assets if I do too much tattle telling. Don't worry, though, I've contacted several brilliant legal brains of my own, and I hope to be unfettered real soon.

In the meantime, please continue to read her drivel and make her feel welcome. It takes a tremendous burden off of my shoulders not to have to reassure her every ten minutes. I've got napping and peeing to do, after all, so I can't be bothered with her insecurities and needs 24/7.

Have a splendid day!

With love from your pal,
Stewey