Apr 22, 2009


Please don't be alarmed and/or change the dials on your television sets, folks. This is me...officially 'round the damn bend.

Dr. Drew Pinsky of "Celebrity Rehab" fame has been called and should arrive at any moment with a camera crew and some medication for what has proven to be "The Gentle Madness of a Spinster Stitcher Who Clearly Has Too Much Time on Her Damn Hands".

It all started innocently enough (as most all things do). I was thinking about retrospectives and their place in the art world when I wondered what it would be like to have a retrospective of one's stitching year. I started to envision the gallery space. The lighting. The Chris Botti soundtrack playing softly in the background. Ina manning the ORE-DERVES table. The hunky waiters passing out champagne.

And then I regained consciousness. Who in the holy hell would ever want to go to such an affair?

So I did the next best thing. I devised a method whereby I can look at a row of little jars containing orts and I will instantly be transported back to the project or time when I was stitching on something and having the most profoundest thoughts.

For the first time in my adult life, I was actually able to EXECUTE my vision. So often I have these really great ideas (in my pea-sized brain anyways), but when it comes to actually DOING the thing in said pea-sized brain, I fail. Completely and totally and miserably. (Kinda' like the time I saw a perfect English tea garden in my head and then ended up with a patch of crappy dirt and rocks the size of a bedspread.) (Or the time I envisioned the perfect Mother's Day Hummingbird Cake, but ended up with a soggy, disgusting mess because I didn't use self-rising flour.) (Or the time.....). Well, you get the idea.

So I'm going to put all of my orts in these little jars (starting now, of course, because I can't go back and retroactively retrieve all of my orts from Jan, Feb, and Mar...heavy sigh), and at the end of the year I will be able to look back at my progress and be amazed. Or disappointed. Whichever comes first.
I bored myself right into a nap with the "Traveling Stitcher" thingie, so I put it away after getting this far:
Then, late last night I got some Shepherd's Bush mojo workin', so I headed up to the studio and found this: It's "Shepherd's Spring" and despite my craptastic photographic capabilities, I assure you that the linen is a lovely lavender color called English Rose. This one uses all silks, so the feeling of it all is just divine.

Speaking of divine, I am still rather haunted by "Grey Gardens". Stewey has informed me that if I don't stop waltzing about the place in my turban he's going to sick Aunt Chrissy on me. He has also informed me that a) I am (in no way, shape, or form) heiress to the BOO VEE YAY fortune, and b) Jackie Kennedy Onasis Her Very Self if NOT going to show up with a generous offer of cleaning up this place.

I suppose that means I had better go empty the dishwasher and put the laundry away. The little bast*** runs a tight ship around here, so if I want to have any stitchy time tonight I better get my chores done.

Have a simply sublime day. (I'm sure I have no idea what that actually means, but you get the idea.)


  1. You and Stewy "are very Entertaining" and you really should just keep up the waltz!!! Brava for the turban!!!!!!

  2. You need to join the Totally Useless SAL. You will find it at http://dragonmyneedle.blogspot.com
    Here you will find lots of other stitchers who are collecting orts, in the name of art!

  3. What cute little jars Coni! I was in Michaels on my last trip to the US when I found some tiny jars with flip lids which would have been ideal for a monthly ort jar. Now why didn't I buy some? I must check these out on my next trip. I use a coca cola glass tumbler for my orts - not as cool as your idea!

  4. Here is some really important information....Chris Botti is coming to Chicago on May 10.......he is a dream to see in person and it is Mother's Day weekend so let Stewey pay for the tickets ...He is at the Chicago Theatre.....He has the Violin player (Not Yoyo) with him who played in the Boston Concert!

  5. Why don't you join Helene's team here
    and the TUSAL here
    So you'll keep focused on the moon lol
    Have a great day!

    Alex from Paris, France

  6. Well,Alex from Paris was faster than me, I was going to suggest you join the Full Moon society and display your orts on full moon nights only - it's crazier on full moon nights, believe me.

  7. I love the little jars! Too cool! Wish I would have thought of it, but I will definitely run with the idea! :)

  8. I've saved my orts for years and have them in two glass jars. Everyone would laugh at me when I'd be at a class and want to keep my orts away from everyone else. I can't wait until the next issue of Needlepoint Now comes out.

  9. Coni: Have you heard of putting all the orts you save thruout the year in clear glass ornaments (they sell them in craft stores around the holidays) so you can hang them on your tree at Christmastime???? Just the kind of craft idea I thought you & Crys might like to try.....

  10. I love your monthly ort jars. I may have to steal this and make my own version.

  11. I so love this. Wish I could get away with it. I've never heard them called orts...where does that name come from?