BY WAY OF FURTHER EXPLANATION

Oh, I am so humbled by all of your comments about me and my new little boyfriend Ethan. Please understand that I'm DEFINITELY not worthy of such nice thoughts. I just did what anybody would do under the circumstances, and the truth is that I was probably tired of standing in line and REALLY just wanted to sit down.

So here's another story about me and my "unusual" way of living in the world.

I have a plastic tiara. Yep. Has big fat plastic jewels on it and everything. Don't believe me? Well:

"OK. So. It's askew."

This tiara was given to me by my dear friend Cheryl during my Princess CJ, Bag a' Doughnuts phase. (If you're really really good children, I'll tell you that story on another day.)

So there I was, minding my own business, when I decided to have the WORST day of my rotten stinkin' life. I wish I could tell you what prompted it, but all I remember is stomping around the house looking for something to break. So I did what any normal angry spinster would do....I got into my big gyrl bike shorts, drug out all of the cleaning supplies, slapped the tiara on my head and went to town cleaning the house. (Dont blame me....it's some kind of freaky meditation or something. I probably read that it's therapeutic in a damn magazine and decided that my stress outlet would be cleaning the house.) (Never fear. I'm cured of that now.)

Anywhoose...I got the house cleaned up and decided to go grocery shopping (yet another therapeutic endeavor), so I changed into jeans and headed over to the local grocery store. This was on a Wednesday. I know it was a Wednesday, because there was a big ass bus in the parking lot that was the transportation device for all of the seniors living at a local "retirement community".

In the produce section, I noticed this tiny little woman who was clinging on to the display cases as though the floor were shaking. She looked like she was just going to fall over, yet there wasn't anything other than a wide expanse of shiny, slippery floor to catch her fall. So I marched right over with my shopping cart, took her arm, and said "Hello there. You look like you could you use a shopping buddy. Would you like to grab onto my cart and we'll shop together?"

It was wonderful....strolling the aisles with this lovely little woman. We chatted about recipes and I helped her select a few things for the cart (Lots of crackers, I remember. And bananas.)

When we got up to the checkout lane (this store actually had more than two of them open), the cashier said to the little old lady "Oh, Eugenia....looks like you found a friend today." At which point, Miss Eugenia puts her little hand up next to her mouth (as if to tell a secret) and says: "Yes, she has been very nice, but I think she's a little nuts."

Hey, can I help it if I forgot that I had my plastic tiara on my head?

So you see, I have a long history of being just a little bit off center. I've never been arrested, but I'm sure that if I were to ever find myself in that kind of situation it would probably be the result of something that would have made an excellent "I Love Lucy" episode. I've said totally inappropriate things at totally inappropriate times, I've electrocuted myself (only once, thank God), I've set myself on fire (gee, twice now if you include the latest incident with the stitchy lamp and magnifiers), and I'm sure that I've managed to embarrass everybody I've known several times over. I'm a lovable nut, though, and promise that I always come from a place of love and stupidity rather than one of forethought and malice. It's just me, don't you know.

No new stitchy progress to report. Stewey and I snuggled in for a long night of Sopranos and decided to hit the rack without so much as one stitch anywhere. Today is a ridiculously gloomy day, though, so I'm hoping to get some Happy Chair time later this afternoon. There's a twinkling of startitis in my veins today, so methinks this might be interesting. Stay tuned!