HERE I AM...BEING PRESENT

One of the things Dr Melfi talks about with me is learning to be present.

(No, Betty...I am not saying that I AM a present.  I'm trying to BE present.)

As in, paying attention to the moment and quieting the freak show in my head that screams obscenities and to do lists and shoulds and fears, regrets, and admonishments.

But that can be pretty hard to do when you're me, and this whole waiting for a kidney thing is definitely giving me a run for my money.

Yes, there are things that need to be done...like laundry and plant watering and face washing and putting on one's shoes and coming to dialysis and feeding myself and such, but those are just simple life tasks that don't need to be made into the proverbial mountains that need climbing.

This damn dialysis is kicking my b.u.t.t. but I decided to kick it right back. We're going to try to take less fluid off today to see if that helps, but if I'm still knocked out and need a day or so to recover...who cares? I have to remember whatI told my dear Dad when he came home from the hospital and was complaining about being so out of it: "You don't have to fly a plane or solve world peace or even wear underpants today. Close your eyes and relax and enjoy the fact that for the first time in your life you get to just be...still."

Being still and present.

Hmmm. How the heck do you do that when all you want to do is run around at Mach Five with your hair on fire and stitch all the things and cook all the things and visit with all of your peoples and hit all of the golf balls and read all the books and....and....and.

So Buzzy and I are doing our thing and I'm watching the sun rise and am wondering how I got these purple jelly bean fingernails. (I'm pretty sure I did a mani/pedi yesterday, but don't have any memory of doing so precisely).

Enough of this silliness for the moment. If Stewey were here he'd probably say "Mo-ther, there just isn't room in that tiny little brain of yours for all of your nonsense. Keep the parts that allow you to answer my every need and jettison the rest" and then he'd probably go water the drapes and have a lovely nap with his little face in the sun.

Oh, how I miss him so!

Damn dog.

I hope your Hump Day is sufficiently humpy for you and yours and that you can be present for all of the good stuff in your world. Come tell me all about it!

TUESDAY

 

MONDAY AGAIN!

Hello, Dearies!

Well, despite not sleeping last night I am up at the heiney crack of dawn and all hooked up and doing my thing in the d-chair. I know exactly what the problem is...a total abandonment of my pre-sleep routine that used to involve going to be early and reading for an hour or so.

(Last night, though, I was in a stitching frenzy and hurried myself off to bed late and then tossed and turned and fretted until the wee hours.)

Here's the source of the frenzy:

I don't think Jacqueline reads this here blog, so we should be safe. I'm going to have this framed in something super super fancypants and give it to her for her shower along with some items from her registry.

Her groom is a huge Ohio State fan and the MOB suggested something funny for him about the Notre Dame/Ohio State aspect, since my girl J is a huge fan of her Aunt Coni's Alma Mater. I found a baseball card from the 1935 Game of the Century showing the final score of Notre Dame 18, Ohio State 13...so into a frame that will go as a little something fun for him.

Just FYI, I stitched that piece in one afternoon. I probably could have stretched it out over a few days, but I was anxious to get it finished.

Nothing else too exciting to report from the day. The weather was cold and gloomy for most of it, so we stayed in and watched basketball and had delicious grilled burgers for dinner. The Martins has 95% lean patties already made, and I have perfected cooking them on the stove top in my cast iron grill pan. We normally eat them on toasted English muffins, but last night opted for ciabatta rolls instead. 

So a quiet, lovely weekend here in Hoosierville, followed by what I hope will be a lovely quiet week. We don't have Easter plans drawn up yet, but I can promise you there will be ham and pickled eggs and potato salad if it kills me!

Happy Monday to one and all! Come tell me all about life in your corner of the world!

SATURDAY SPINSTER BLISS...

 

IN WHICH WE MEET ANOTHER KIDNEY ANGEL

So there I was, minding my business and tackling my to do list, when I came upon another Kidney Angel. A Kidney Angel is anybody who has watched over or helped me in any way during this little road trip (*) I've been on.

(Yup...like all of you.)

This one's name is Tamra, and she is the office manager of the Residence Inn in Indianapolis where I will be staying for a dry run on April 6th, and then again for a month after treatment. I am scheduled to visit with Dr Goggins and the transplant team in April and have a CT scan, so I figured it would be a good time to scope out the hotel and surroundings so I am fully prepared.

As I was explaining this to Tamra, she said "We've got you covered, Girl. About 3/4 of our guests are here for transplant or treatment at IU and our property manager's husband is a liver transplant recipient. This is your first kidney transplant...it's our 500th. The only thing you need to concentrate on is keeping that new fat juicy little kidney safe and sound and healthy, and let us do the rest."

Yes, Dearies. I burst into the ugly cry right there in the Happy Chair in front of the Chicken Sisters and everybody.

What a relief!

Now...on to the stitching portion of the program before Betty fires off another tirade about how she doesn't give a tinker's damn about my bleeping kidneys....just show her the stitching.

Oh, dear Betty.

Dear mean spiteful crazy Betty.

I played with Eliana and got quite a bit finished:

I hope to have quite a bit of time with her this weekend, since my to do list is empty. The laundry is done, folded, and put away and things are sufficiently tidy to keep me from futzing or stressing too much. I don't think the weather is going to cooperate with us for any golfing or outdoor fun, but I'll be perfectly happy to sit in my Happy Chair and stitch a few days away.

Thanks to some group texting with my friend Denise and goddaughters, I got approval of my wedding outfit for J's big day:

Those aren't the shoes for the ceremony....for that I will wear high heels. They should be here in a few days, and I expect to spend quite a bit of time in training so I don't tumble head first into the cake. Now, before you tell me that wearing black to a wedding is bad form...the bride's colors are black and cream with lots of greenery for accents. 

Besides, I got approval.

So that's the report for today. I am in the d-chair loaded with the newspapers for company and a new little blanket for company:

Happy Friday, Dearies! 

(*) Some might call it the Voyage of the Damned, but I like to think of it as the Griswold'd Fun Old Fashioned Family Vacation.

THURSDAY AGENDA

I have to confess that my d-chair experience is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I suspect that it's all tied up with age and anxiety and menopause and....me being me...but man o' manachevitz! It is definitely giving me a good run for the money!

This means that I don't have any stitching news to report, Dearies. I'm sorry about that. I came home yesterday and crashed into a long nap, woke up in time for dinner, and then went right back to bed for a twelve hour sleep. 

(Not a lot of time for needle and thread.)

But today is a new day, and I'm almost through my second cup of damn good. My face is washed and medicated (darn rash), my teeth are brushed, and the laundry and dishes are sploshing away in their respective contraptions.

Once I finish the papers I think I might play with Eliana a bit. She has been so patiently waiting in her project bag for me, so today seems like a good day to let her stretch her legs a bit.

How about you? What's new in your neck of the woods? Come tell me all about it!

BACK IN THE SADDLE

 

Heidy ho, Dearies!

Buzzy and I are here in the d-chair doing our thing and fat as sausages. I missed treatment on Monday due to feeling decidedly unwell after my second shot, so the fluid gain was a little higher than normal.

But all will be well again by the end of the week and I will go back to feeling like I'm fit and fantastic rather than poorly and pudgy.

Finishing Spring was bittersweet, since it was such a delightful companion these last few weeks. If all goes well and I feel good enough to do so, I am going to frame her when I get home. I have a frame that I hope to use for all of these seasons...swapping them out as the months change.

Next up is a small gift for my goddaughter's bridal shower. I have been a maniac with the plotting and planning and organizing and imagining, and lo and behold...it's almost here! Jacqueline's wedding date is June 5 and Sara's is October 2, so it looks like I will be happily busy futzing about for a bit.

(I should probably be clear and confess that the only thing I have to do is show up, but showing up involves girdles and high-heeled shoes and accessories and mascara and things and this will take a miracle to pull off without looking like a sweaty mess.)

My JB and I are going on a salad kick starting tonight. I spent yesterday chopping and containerizing and grilling chicken so that we don't have an excuse to order in. For the most part I have behaved myself, but the weekend felt like one big craving for munchies and Chinese food. 

Forgive me for being all over the place today. I feel a bit discombobulated, but am determined to get it together.

Happy...whatever day it is today. I hope things are wonderfully swell in your corner of the world and that you'll come tell me all about it!

FINISHED

 Spring

The Cricket Collection

28ct Dubloon by PTP

DMC floss

 

SOMETIMES I JUST ROCK MY OWN LITTLE WORLD

I have no earthly idea what came over me, Dearies! One minute I was munching a bagel and contemplating what time I needed to head out for the shot, and the next I was knee deep in my closet...purging, sorting, tidying, seasonal-swapping, and organizing.

This chore has been on my mind for quite some time, and the whole waiting for a phone call and moving to Indianapolis had me more than a little stressed. All of my lighter weight clothes were packed away and the pajamas I had ready to go were really only suitable for arctic temps.

Now I know what I've got and what I need to purchase...nightgowns for the hospital, a lightweight robe, some lightweight "lounging" clothes that are the equivalent of flannel jams, and some slippers.

Whew! Looks like I'll be spending some time shopping tonight!

I'm happy to tell you that the seven bags of clothes will go to St Margaret's House for the ladies there. There are tons of great office outfits and interview suits that I'm sure will come in handy for them, as well as several nice handbags and accessories. My working life is well behind me, I think. Hopefully somebody out there will get some good use out of everything.

OK...I'm off. 

Hope your Saturday has been as happy and satisfying as mine has been! WooHoo!

OFF TO THE WALMARTS TOR SHOT NUMBER TWO!

 

ALMOST...

 

HEAVEN HELP ME

 Taking Magoo for his second Covid shot in a few minutes. He is so phobic of all things medical...especially needles! Oh, how I wish I could take it for him, but alas, my turn is Saturday.

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY, DEARIES!

 

TUESDAY

Spring is moving right along, Dearies...in both the stitchy and meteorological senses. Although cold yesterday, I believe we are returning to the low 50's today, and I plan on spending a few more hours with needle and thread in hand!

MOVING MY CHEESE ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE

Do you remember how my dear Dad gave me the book Who Moved My Cheese when I was in my twenties as a lesson about learning to adapt to change and how I should really try not to be so rigid and afraid of new things?

Well, apparently the universe is really trying to test me in that department.

I'm at dialysis at 7am in the heiney crack of the morning in a new chair and a new pod with new podmates and a whole new view of the world.

(I knew this was coming for about a week or so....they asked me if I might like a first shift chair and one opened up, so I took it.)

(The whole new neighborhood, though, wasn't something I expected.)

The truth of the matter is that I am going to love this, since it means I will be finished with treatment and home before noon. That means I can have a late breakfast and catch a little nap and still have the day to look forward to.

The old time was fine, but getting home at 2:30 made for weird eating times and really seemed to waste the entire day and evening.

Of course, this means mandatory early bedtime and getting up a bit before 6am, but my hope is that this new routine will be very short-lived and the CALL will happen any day now.

So now, Dearies, I'm going to settle in and check out the new digs.

I'll leave you with a progress pic of Spring. Happy Monday!

SUNDAY SPINSTER SHENANAGINS

 

WELL...APPARENTLY I'M GETTING GOOD AT THIS

Ugh again today, Dearies. 

But I am armed with my damn good and my favorite little things in the world...the cranberry orange Bisconies from the Costco, which are a very rare treat since they are pricey in the calorie department.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day here in Hoosierville, and the new placement of the Happy Chair allows me to get tons of light from both the back slider and the front bedroom windows. In a few minutes, I will open both a bit to catch some of the breeze.

I do have a few minor things to do before settling in with stitching for the day, but doing them shouldn't be too taxing on my delicate disposition (she says, rolling her eyes).

Lots of research last night into my recent "decline". It really bothers me that I seem to be wiped out more and more after the d-chair, and what I can determine so far is that it is definitely related to my Lady Change. (Sorry, gents, but this here portly spinster is of that age where things like plummeting estrogen and sprouting chin hairs are going to be discussed.)

So that's all of my TMI for the day. I'll be here all day if you feel like popping in for a chat!

FRIDAY...I THINK

Well, Dearies, I lived to tell the tale...but just barely.

Yesterday was all about soft pajamas, a beautiful breeze coming in the window, movies on the TeeVee, and lots of stitching and looking at stitching and reading about stitching and thinking about stitching and mot much else.

Exactly how I like it.

(Minus the flu-like feelings of being dropped from a tall building and then being hit by a cross town bus and being left on the pavement with nothing to drink.)

The Mill Hill conundrum was solved when I remembered a lovely gift from Miss Charlene that I had stashed in my Special Gift Treasure Chest. It's a cloth that is white on one side and dark on the other that you drape over your lap to provide a good background.

I was straining and straining so hard to see the holes on the dark brown aida, and I was making the mistake of concentrating the light from above instead of from below. I also figured out how to download an app onto my ipad thingie to turn it into a light box, which I think will help also.

Once that was solved, I picked up Spring and made some nice progress. I finished off the "I" and all of the little moteefs surrounding it and started on the "N":

I have to say, even with all of the color changes, this is just a joy to stitch!

In between all of the stitching, I managed to eat carefully and get my iced lemon water in me. My gain today was minimal, so that always helps in the post-treatment hangover department.

Many of you have asked about the inconsistency of how I feel on dialysis and if there's anything that can be done to fix it. I really think it's a total crap shoot in my case, and other factors (like age, length of time in the d-chair, and menopause) have more to do with it. All I know is that I am doing to everything I can to feel as good as I can and follow directions, and that gives me peace of mind.

I think knowing that transplant is imminent also helps, since I am now looking forward to life after the d-chair and what trouble I will be into. Things might not change drastically for a while in terms of isolating and mask wearing, but eventually I want to travel and play golf and go to Guild and have Brunch and plan visits with my goddaughters and hold Magoo's hand at a baseball game or have a hot dog at a tailgate.

We'll see.

The weekend is upon us! I'm hoping to do a few chores and stitch my eyeballs out!

How about you?

THURSDAY....HANGOVER CITY