I woke up in time for the parade, a damn good cup of coffee, and a mini quiche. I confess that I was a little bleary-eyed due to the final six episodes of Gilmore Girls that I watched the night before, but I made it through the parade, got the annual goosebumps upon the appearance of Santa, and headed to the kitchen to prepare my little feast.
Turkey (from the Honey Baked Ham place so that it would taste like ham instead of turkey), mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, Ina's Sagaponak corn pudding, green bean casserole, and cranberry sauce. And a pumpkin praline pie that I baked the night before. It took two hours to futz and chop and sautee and cook and exactly eleven minutes to eat.
While I ate, I watched You've Got Mail, and then in a fit of inspiration decided to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation while I contemplated a turkey sandwich (turkey, mayo, salt and pepper, and celery sticks on Pepperidge Farm white bread, aka a Siggie Special).
Can I just tell you that watching that movie was probably the smartest decision I've made in a very long time?
When Stewey died, I pretty much decided that I was just going to go to bed and wait for this year to be over. I figured if I played my cards right, I could completely ignore everything about Christmas and the holidays in general and just wake up some time next April.
But as I sat there watching Clark and all of his tomfoolery, it occured to me that I love Christmas. Always have. And so did Stewey. But the last four years or so have been one big fat fail in the festivity department, and I allowed myself to bah humbug my way through December because I didn't have the time or energy or money or family or spirit to decorate or shop or cook or plan or enjoy.
Pardon my French, but this year as I watched Clark grit his teeth and declare that the Griswolds were going to have a fun old fashioned family Christmas, I stood up, brushed the pie crumbs off of my eighteen year old sweatshirt and declared $@&!* on myself. I declared $@&!* on anybody convincing me not to celebrate Christmas this year because I don't have the time or energy or money or family or spirit to decorate or shop or cook or plan or enjoy and I put my shoe and socks on and I pulled the car out of the garage and spent the next three days blaring Christmas music and decorating my house.
Outside AND inside this year, thankyouverymuch. I haven't decorated the inside of my house for Christmas since 2012. And you know what? That's just $@&!*.
So tonight as I was finishing up the tree, I looked at Stewey's little box and told him that I miss him like crazy and still reserve the right to bawl my eyes out every time I think about him not being here, but that he would probably love this year's effort because it is the perfect combination of elegant and whimsical...just like he was. The tree is sporting his top hat and white feather boa and the big white wall of nothingness has a few freashly framed pieces that I'll send off to be properly done next year.
I'm absolutle exhausted and will probably pay for all of this with bad kidney numbers next week, but for now I'm just going to sit here in the glow of the lights....happy that I was able to get started with what I hope will be a wonderful holiday this year. I know I'm still going to have my days and I know I probably won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow, but for the first time in a long time...I almost feel like things just might work out OK after all.
Full pictures tomorrow in the daylight. For now, though, I will leave you wil a pic of my very favorite part of it all: