But who am I kidding? You continue to read this blog and, I suspect, continue to put up with me and my silly shenanigans because of one reason and one reason only.
Eleven years ago yesterday, I held that little three pound bundle of fur in my arms for the first time and can honestly tell you that I thought my heart would burst with the amount of love that was inside of it.
Today, I'm pretty sure that that very same heart is going to break into a million pieces.
Stewey has bone cancer. And, despite the fact that I would give my own life to save his, there is absolutely nothing I can do but keep him comfortable and spend as much time with him as I can. I know that I am in shock and I know that there is a very large part of me that wonders if I will actually survive this, but for now I am just trying to breathe in and out and not let him more than two inches away from me.
Yes, I realize that with all that is going on in the world, the impending loss of a pet seems positively trivial, but I make no apologies for my tears or admission that this little creature has been the absolute love of my life and I have not one single clue how to navigate this.
So I will ask you to pray for us and to keep us in your happy thoughts. I might not be here at the blog as often as I have been, but I know you'll understand.
Stewey sends his love, too. I am pretty sure that he knows and understands the diagnosis, because he laid very gently in my arms at the vet's office and when Dr. Nieman gave us the news he reached up and kissed my tears away before laying his little head on my shoulder. We're in the big girl sleigh bed for a nap as I type this, and he is snuggled in close listening to the clickety clack of the keyboard.
I think he is at peace.