May 14, 2016

VIEWER MAIL

It feels like ages since I properly responded to your comments and questions, so....herewith...some answers.  Keep your cards and letters coming, kids!  Please know that I read and cherish every single one.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher! Where, exactly, are you from?  You seem to call Indiana home, but often reference Ohio and New Jersey.
A: In chronological order from the point of birth: Lima, Ohio ; Bellefontaine, Ohio ;  Athens, Tennessee ; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania ; Lima, Ohio ; El Paso, Texas ; Notre Dame, Indinana ; Phoenix, Arizona ; South Bend, Indiana ; Smithville, New Jersey ; Margate, New Jersey ; South Bend, Indiana ; Mishawaka, Indiana.  

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  What do you do with all of the stuff that you finish?
A: Well, kids, I would love to tell you that I promptly frame or finish the piece into something decorative, but the truth of the matter is that I usually take it off the stretcher bars or Q-snaps and put it in a pile up in the studio.  Every now and then I think about taking them to the Michael's for framing, but I remember that I forgot to win the lottery and back into the pile they go.  The truth of the matter is that I am a "process stitcher" rather than a "progress stitcher" and I enjoy that actual making of the thing rather than the doing of the something with the thing once completed.  I would guess that I have about seventy-five or so fininshed/unfinished pieces in the "FUPPY" pile to date...maybe more.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  What did you do in a past life that allows you to sit in the Happy Chair all day and not work?
A: Um, gee.  I would love to tell you that I inherited a trust fund or was like one of the brainiacs that I went to college with and made a gazillion dollars and was able to retire at the ripe old age of 40, but the truth is that I got sick and had to figure out how to get out of bed in the morning.  My professional career was spent in the Advertising Specialty Industry, but if anybody asks, will you just tell them that I was Special Ops, please?  It sounds a lot more exciting than a poor little spinster whose kidneys and colon decided to crap out at the same time.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  What's the deal with Stewey?  Does he really wear a silk smoking jacket and talk to you like you're a bag full of doorknobs?  Why would you put up with such an obnoxious little &/;?@ that pees on the ottoman, and why does he pee on the ottoman?
A: Well, for one, Stewey is the second love of my life and he pees on the ottoman becase he can.  The first love of my life is a boy named Rich that lives in New Jersey, but he has never peed on the ottoman.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  Why have you never married?
A: I never married because nobody ever asked me to marry them.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  How do you stitch so fast and where do you get all of your stuff?
A: I don't really stitch that fast, but I do stitch a lot.  Usually, I try to get at least three or four hours of solid stitchy time in each evening in front of the TeeVee.  As for my stuff...I do paw through my stash quite a bit and try to use/do things that I already have, but every now and then I go to House of Stitches in LaPorte for something new and fun to play with.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stithcer!  Are you really a recluse and agoraphobic, or, like everything else, do you just exaggerate that for effect?
A: I've never been professionally diagnosed, but I can tell you that I really am pathologically shy and awkward in public.  I appear to be very friendly and outgoing and comfortable meeting new people, but I promise you that in my tiny little brain I am in the big girl sleigh bed with the covers pulled over my head.  See, I'm pretty sure that I'm nuttier than a Christmas fruit cake, and that as soon as anybody figures that out, they're going to want me to report to a special facility, so for now I just try to keep my crazy on the inside and not leave the house any more than absolutley necessary.  But I am happy to report that I do put my shoes and socks on and go to Guild meetings now (thanks to Miss Charlene), so I'm thinking there's hope for me yet.

Q: Hey, Spinster Stitcher!  What's the deal with Aunt Chrissy, Notre Dame, The Real Housewives, and all of the other stupid crap you blather on/complain about?  If these things all drive you nuts, then why don't you just get rid of them?
A: This is a little complicated to answer in any way that makes sense, so I will just borrow a phrase from my dear friend Tony Soprano and say "Wadda ya gonna do?"

I think that covers most of the more urgent questions I get on a regular basis.  If I've missed anything that you're just dying to know, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to tell you all about it!  In the meantime, thanks for watching!  We'll resume our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow!

Woo Hoo!

17 comments:

  1. You are too funny and great about sharing and laughing at yourself. We all need to lighten up a little 'cause we are all full of weirdness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oey .. some folks do not have a way with words and verge on being a tad rude .. but you were generous in all of your responses. Thank you for sharing so honestly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree with Wilma. Sounds like "what's her name" has cloned her own slef. You write a stitchy blog (and a very good and funny one at that) not a stitchy true confessions.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Coni, if I may call you that, thank you for sharing your life with us . I truly enjoy visiting with you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I always enjoy your humorous and, at the same time, thoughtful take on things. Thanks for sharing so much of your life. Now...gets to Michaels' and start framing a few of those unseen pieces so you can fill up the "White Wall of Nothingness", as you call it. :) All kidding aside, I have loved seeing the photos over the years of your stitching arrangements on the walls.
    Carolyn

    ReplyDelete
  6. I so love your blog. Love your humor. Love your writing voice. Love your honesty. Love how you have turned those lemons into lemonade!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are such a sweetie to answer such rude questions so politely. Not all were rude, but really, some of them should be smacked.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Glad you're doing OK,and glad you're still blogging. I love your writing! I'm also happy to know another person who has a "pile". I just want to stitch! I like experimenting with flosses and fabrics, and different patterns, but finishing definitely takes second place. Good to know there's a definition for that: I'm declaring myself a member of that club. ;-D. Also, a very Happy birthday to Stewey! What a honey.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Coni....You are a National Treasure with Superpowers. You bring joy and laughter to so many through your stitching and gift of writing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you, Coni -- you are the best!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I enjoy reading your blog so much! Love the viewer mail segment. I would like to know what was your first ever stitched piece?

    ReplyDelete
  12. You were so polite to some very rude questions. I don't know if you are "nuttier than a Christmas fruit cake", but I love reading about all your stitching adventures, views from the Happy Chair, and Stewey, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm sorry to read about the health issues that pushed you into early retirement...but don't give up your blog. We enjoy reading about your stitching adventures and Stewey, Chrissy and Bosco. Happy stitching.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Keep your crazy on the inside" is going to be my new motto LOL I love your humor, your honesty and your truly gorgeous stitching! Reading your posts is always a treat. Remember, it's not really "weirdness" or "nuttiness" at all but perfectly normal "eccentricity", such as all great people possess ;) It is far better to be an interesting person such as yourself rather than a bore any day! What a terrible world it would be if everyone was all alike ;P

    ReplyDelete
  15. You're a favorite of mine.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just love you, your dog and your blog! You are all great. I just can't believe how rude people are on the internet. I am a certified homebody myself being disabled. I suppose some people just can't quite get it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dear Coni, you are clearly a lady of good taste, discernment and exquisite sensitivity, no wonder Master Stewey chose you to live with!

    ReplyDelete