Nov 4, 2014

I REALLY NEED TO GET RID OF THIS DARN BLANKET

Scene:  A living room somewhere in the Midwestern United States.  A portly spinster is sprawled in her Happy Chair, needle and thread in hand, a stupid-soft throw wrapped about her substantial frame.

A little dog appears.

He hops up onto the spinster, peers over his little reading glasses, checks for a pulse, and then gently pokes her a few times to see if she can be persuaded to either a) stop snoring and let him resume his perusal of the latest New Yorker, or b) haul herself out of said Happy Chair and stumble into the big girl sleigh bed for some shut eye.

The spinster grunts, clutches the stupid-soft blanket tighter to her ample (yet saggy) bosom, and mutters something about Jeffrey Dean Morgan and animal shelters.  She does, however, manage to let go of the needle and thread long enough for the little dog to park it safely on the designer pin cushion that the spinster and her sister just had to have during a recent late-night excursion to the WalMart.

Sighing heavily, the little dog turns off the spinster's stitching light, pats her on the head for being the simpleton that she is, and then pees on the ottoman as he makes his way back to his study.

The End.

10 comments:

  1. "and then pees on the ottoman as he makes his way back to his study"! I'm still laughing....probably because it's not MY ottoman, but also because I think this could be the best tag line for so many, many stories. Now I need to go out and buy myself one of these magical sleeping blankets.

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  2. Love it! Pees on the ottoman... I can identify. Harry has been known to pee where he shouldn't as well. But, we love him anyway.

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  3. Oh no! Well maybe Ladybug and Stewey need to get together. One of our daughters and her children are living with us for a while and along with them come a Great Dane named Morgan. The Bug's nose is out of whack and she has decided to leave little surprises for us to find throughout the house. Hoping she gets over her disgust with us all very soon.

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  4. Con & Master Stewy - How I have missed your musings recently. Reading about Stewy's antics is always a bright spot in my day. Can I move into your cozy abode with you? I won't take up much room (except for my stash), and would be happy to do pee cleanup in exchange for shelter!

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    Replies
    1. Could someone gently redirect this post to a more appropriate blog site? One that isn't penned by a woman who meets none of the above assessments of how allegedly horrid American women are?

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    2. I dare say American women will be only too glad you are shopping elsewhere if they read that load of horse hockey...

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  6. Sock it to 'em Spinster...I loved your response!

    I've been reading your blog forever, but I can't remember if I've commented or not. I was inspired to try cavas work for the first time when I saw your project "Harvest Moon House." I ordered the pattern and my own Harvest Moon House is almost done....it was perhaps a bit too challenging for my first piece, but it looks pretty good.

    I have started a blog (unrelated to stitching) and hope you don't mind that I added you to my blogroll...if you prefer I take you off just let me know. You can find me at:

    http://thereisnorainasd.wordpress.com/

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