My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy sitting in her Happy Chair thinking I'm a complete genius. (For the record, I AM a complete genius....it's just taken her a little longer than most to realize it.)
As you might have noticed, the old lady hasn't picked up a piece of cross stitching in a very very long time. She has been so dedicated to canvas work, that I was afraid that she had forgotten how to cross the little x's that so many of us find addictive and soothing at the very same time.
When I gently approached her about this, we had a knock down drag out of an argument, and I'm afraid that all the excuses in the world didn't convince me that there wasn't more to it. "Mo-ther", I said. "If you've decided to give up cross stitching once and for all, then might I suggest that you pack up all of the crap in the studio and give it away to our loyal and devoted friends who DO cross stitch more than once in a blue moon?"
She mumbled something about the heat and the humidity and the sun being in her eyes and how Aunt Chrissy would never understand how we could just give up on the stitching sport that started it all, but when I pressed her further, the real truth finally emerged.
"I can't see anymore, Stewey!" she bellowed at me. "Ever since I got this new prescription to help me see better far away, I can't see up close anymore! I am officially old now and will never be happy again and nobody will ever want to marry me or take me on a picnic or give me lovely anniversary gifts or hold my hand when I'm tired and lonely and scared!!!"
Realizing that I can't fix more than one or two of those things in this lifetime, I called my Aunt Chrissy.
"Hello, Aunt Chrissy? This is Stewey. Can you please put your shoes on and come take my stupid mo-ther to the Wal-Marts to get her some new reading glasses?"
"She has seventeen and a half pairs of reading glasses next to the damn Happy Chair, Stewey", my Aunt Chrissy sighed heavily. "What the heck is wrong with them now?"
"Apparently, she is unable to see with them, Aunt Chrissy. I know that this is a huge imposition, but could you do this for me? I've got a marathon of The Newsroom queued up on the TeeVee for my viewing pleasure, and I'm afraid that I won't get a moment's peace to get to it with the old lady sitting here bitching about her bad eyesight and how nobody will ever love her and how she just wants to do a little cross stitching."
A half hour later and they were back from their excursion with two new pairs of reading glasses....strength 3.0 thankyouverymuch. Why my mo-ther didn't do this sooner is completely beyond me, since once they were planted on her face I enjoyed several hours of quiet while she played with this:
How's things in your neck of the woods?
With much love from your pal,