Jun 14, 2012

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE PASS THE DART GUN?

My mom can't come to the blog right now.  I've loaded her up with several thousand milligrams of (insert name brand sedative here) so that I can finally get a little bit of peace and quiet around here.  I'm not sure if it's the moon or menopause or just her normal mania, but life with Spinster has been completely nutso lately.

Yesterday morning as I was snoozing in the sun, I felt the presence of something out on the patio.  So, being the dainty and gentle creature that I am, I gingerly opened one eye and saw a tiny little itty bitty baby deer standing on the patio.  She wasn't really much bigger than me, actually, so I guessed that her mommie was probably close by.  We just enjoyed one another's company for several minutes, and I admired her gorgeous fawny-brown spotted exteriors while she (naturally) admired my very own white non-spotted exteriors.

Right about the time I was going to give the little baby deer a warning that I live with a complete idiot, my stupid mo-ther came around the corner and bellowed "OH HOLY *^&%$!  IT'S A BABY DEER!  STEWEY!  LOOK AT THE BABY DEER RIGHT OUT THERE ON THE PATIO!!!"

This bellowing, of course, prompted the tiny little itty bitty baby deer to scurry for the back fence, where I'm assuming she realized that life with a pack of tick-ridden mammals that run like the wind is preferable to life with an idiot spinster who hollers a lot.

I hope I get to see her again.

(For purposes of stable mental health, Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy have convinced themselves that the itty bitty baby deer was, in fact, not alone at all, but that her mother was situated just out of sight and was supervising nicely, thankyouverymuch.)

It took a while, but the old lady eventually calmed down, and just about the time I thought we would head to the big girl sleigh bed for a snoozy nap, she decided to "take care of a situation" that has vexed her for several years now with respects to a neighbor.  This neighbor is dumber and more off her proverbial nut than my mom is (if you can believe that) and for some damn reason Mom decided that yesterday was going to be the day that she solved the world's problems once and for all.

Needless to say, she didn't.

But while she was on the telephone with the lovely Kyla from Whippany (regarding said neighbor), I heard yet another bellowing.  This time it was "OH HOLY (*^%!!!!!! IT'S AN ORIOLE!  AN ACTUAL REAL LIVE ORIOLE!!!!"

Kyla from Whippany (who was probably used to dealing with crackpot Hoosiers and their sudden outbursts) said (in her very best Jerseyesque) "What the *#&$&'s an oriole?" and proceeded to listen to my stupid mother describe the intensely bright orange colored bird that had landed on the Weber grill and was now looking at her with mock exasperation.

(Can you imagine what it must be like to be that bird?  There you are, just minding your very own business, when out of nowhere you've got maniac spinsters hollering about you and how pretty you are.)

Needless to say, by the time my Aunt Chrissy called from her BatMobile to say that she was on her way home from work, Mo-ther was practically frothing at the mouth over all of the excitement over here.  I tried to bribe my Aunt Chrissy to come over, and I even made promises of a gorgeous New York strip steak dinner, but alas, Aunt Chrissy opted to get into her jammies and stitch the night away in the peace and quiet of her own home instead.

(I wonder how long it would take for the two of them to notice if I were to move out of here and plant myself into Aunt Chrissy's guest suite?)

On the stitching front, I'm sad to report that Mo-ther is ready to throw her Stained Glass Windows project through the window.  She just couldn't leave well enough alone and stitch it with the colors that Aunt Laura calls for.  Nope...she had to try to be creative and come up with her own palette.  As you can see, it's a disaster of epic proportions.  (Never fear, though.  Rumor has it that once these sedatives wear off, Mo-ther will feel very refreshed and clear-headed and will probably spend a few hours up in the studio making things right in the world once again).
That's the report for today, my dear friends.  I do hope that this finds you considerably more at ease in your little corner of the world and that you are having a pleasant and stitch-filled day!

With much love from your pal,
Stewey

11 comments:

  1. i like your blog and visit regularly -- that is why i have nominated you for the versatile blogger award!

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  2. I love reading about the visitors that invade your yard.

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  3. Stewie,

    Sorry that your mom gets so excited with all the wild life. Here in way southern Indiana..momis getting a snake out of the garage with a broom, a turtle has to be carried off before she can lay eggs in the backyard, and a 4 foot turkey decides that rooting up the back pasture is ok. Mom is wanting to move to the city to get so peace and quiet. All this happened in one day. Never did she think that living in the country was the same as living in a zoo. Who has time for any stitching..... Your friend Scully

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  4. You certainly have a lovely variety of wildlife there Stewey. Your Mom has every right to yell about it.
    With winter in Australia our resident Blue Tongue lizards are hibernating but the Magpies, Pee Wees and Blue Wrens visit for a drink at the bird bath. We also have a St. John's cross spider residing near our front steps, such a pretty little thing, black and bright yellow.
    Ah, nature in all her glory.
    Stewey, tell your Mom that her stitching looks lovely.

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  5. Stewey I wonder what your MO-ther would do with all the critters and creepy crawlies here in Florida? LOL
    Your pal Goober (my mini Jack) likes to eat the big Lubber Grasshoppers and the Anoles that are all over the place. Today he nearly climbed the Palm trees trying to catch the squirrel in the yard. I bet that squirrel won't be back in my yard anytime soon lol

    I think Mom's stitching looks great!

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  6. Please keep on stitching, Coni Deer! Your color palette is yummy (were you thinking of a box of chocolate-covered cherries in gold foil,by any chance?!?). And please don't give up... unknowingly you've found yourself in one of the phases of ANY creative process: the "I HATE THIS, I HATE THIS" phase where you find yourself saying,"WHAT WAS I THINKING? THIS IS AWFUL! I MUST BE CRAZY TO CONTINUE WITH THIS..." and TRUST ME, I get in that phase with EVERY project I design or draw or paint. It's a scary part of the creative process because you're going where no one else has gone before... so yeah, it takes courage to try something different and just persevere.... When I doubt myself and my color/thread/stitch/design choices, I can scare myself silly and that just stops all the forward motion. Soooo, what's the alternative, you ask??? WELL, I TAKE A BIG LEAP OF FAITH AND JUST KEEP STITCHING, because psssst, here's the other unspoken thing about creativity: ya gotta trust your gut and your own instincts. It's like a test, really... cuz when you keep working on it, you'll eventually come out on the other side and then you'll find yourself saying, "Hey, wait a minute,that's not so bad... in fact, I kinda like it. You know, maybe I was right all along!" And that's when you start feeling proud of yourself that you didn't give up and you learn that you CAN trust your own artistic instincts! So my advice for what it's worth Coni, is: KEEP ON STITCHING AND TRUST YOUR COLOR CHOICES! (Besides, I really wanna see how it looks in your delicious pink and chocolate colors - grin!!) Auntie Laura

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  7. POSTSCRIPT TO ABOVE COMMENT: CONI, I just had a call today from a store in AZ that held a class with my STAINED GLASS WINDOWS pattern and the owner was excited to tell me about all the different color combos that the stitchers picked and how neat they all looked. She promised to send me photos so I can post them on my blog, so I can't wait to see what other colors stitchers are using in this design. Thought you'd find that rather interesting!! LJP

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  8. Thank you Stewey for your rendition of a day with the Spinster. I enjoyed it immensely and started my weekend with a laugh. Blessings and wishes for a wonderful weekend for you and your Mo-ther. :) Cathryn

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  9. Oh, Stewey, cut mo ther some slack - I'd be giddy too about a fawn AND a Baltimore Oriole! Sorry your Aunt Chrissy didn't come by, the mere mention of a fine steak would have had tires squealing in your direction!

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  10. Love the colorway. And I'm envious of your backyard wildlife. Right now we're hosting large toads, a couple of king snakes, lots of lizzards, some spiders, lots of not-so-attractive-but-they-sing-nicely gray birds, a few blue jays (gorgeous, but rude), and a large assortment of butterflies and dragonflies (thank goodness! because the yard is planted to attract them). Occasionally we get ibises and cranes. The past couple weeks, my neighbors have had a pair of mallards (not very common down here in SoFla) in their yard. But as much as I love my wildlife, I would truly love to see the deer.

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