Nov 21, 2010

MR. GRISWOLD, PAGING MR. CLARK GRISWOLD

The 2010 Spinster Stitcher Outdoor Festival of Lights Extravaganza


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in a hot bath muttering something about weather reports and guilt. I'm not sure what happened exactly, but somehow the old lady heard "massive amounts of snow fall" and she got it in her head that this meant it was impending within the very next fifteen minutes. So she strapped on her Kmart mens' slippers that she thinks look like clogs (they don't...trust me) and out she went.


Can you believe it? For the first time in my entire five years on this earth, my mo-ther FINALLY got her freakin' act together and did something right when it comes to the celebration of the holiday season. From what I can tell, she actually went through all of the crap in the garage and carefully selected what would adorn the outside of the house and then...get this...she planned it out on paper! No hissy fits. No staple gun mishaps. Just a calm execution of a very well thought out plan. Ahem.


Now you might be wondering how the heck she hung that wreath over the garage. Well let me tell you that it did NOT involve my Aunt Chrissy this year. (*) Mom has been feeling rather sheepish about all of the stuff that her little sister does for her (without complaint or so much as a "I'll do it when I damn well feel like it" thank you very much), so she wanted to see if she could get the decorating done without having to make the "Don't you feel guilty that you aren't over here right this very minute addressing my every whim" call that she inevitably makes each year.


The wreath is attached to the house by way of a very sophisticated system. A few years back, Mom bolted a plant hanger to the house and then wired the wreath to it. Seeing how this worked like a charm despite the natural laws of physics, this is the method that has been employed ever since. So Mom bolted the plant hanger on, dragged the wreath up the studio stairs, and then stuffed it out the window and wired it to within an inch of its very life.


The UPS guy thought it was hilarious, especially since he happened to be coming down the street just as the wreath popped out of the window. He said it looked like the scene in the Grinch when he stuffs the tree up the chimley.


I'm very very pleased with the results thus far, and I can only hope that this means we will have more than the pathetic tableau that has been before us the last few years here inside the actual homestead. If you have any doubt as to my critique of the previous decorating attempts and/or the crazy ass idea my mom has about what constitutes a proper Christmas tree, just page back through this here blog and you'll see what a mess she usually makes of things.


So we're off to the races here in Spinsters' Corners and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Mom is headed to the grocery tomorrow for all of the feast fixin's, so I'll be sure to give you a full report.


Oh...Rusty O'Toole is completed, but the light in here is lousy for photography, so we'll show you a pic tomorrow. But I will begrudgingly admit that he's OK for a scarecrow.


With love from your pal,


Stewey

(*) Aunt Chrissy did have to come over to bolt the bottom portion of the wreath to the house, but that's just because my mom isn't allowed to get on a ladder without adult supervision.

19 comments:

  1. That is one helluva set up! BEAUTIFUL :) Martha has steam coming out of her ears over the beauty your dear Mummy has created :)

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  2. Okay Stewey, she did a great job, so how about cutting her a break by not peeing on the drapes today. I am sure she would appreciate it, I hope you are not as anti-social with the Christmas tree......

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  3. S
    Dear Stewy, I think the Cmas decorations look very nice. Will she be doing the inside also? If you help, be like my Zoe (our Pug) and just watch...When yu have time and would like to meet Zoe, stop by and check out her pics....

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  4. Very pretty and Christmassy! Well done Coni

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  5. The xmas decorations look lovely Coni! Stewey, you need to give your mo-ther some credit...she is doing this for you, after all! Now be sure you help her with Thanksgiving dinner!

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  6. ooooh, I like it very much. I. am. impressed. Thanks for sharing

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  7. Looking very festive. I put my Christmas village on top of the kitchen cupboards earlier this week and after getting it all sit up could not find the lights that light it up or the snow. So little village sat in the dark until I finally went to Menards and bought replacement lights and a new bag of snow. Have a great Thanksgiving!

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  8. Hi Stewey! Your mom did a FABULOUS JOB!!! Your house looks beautiful and warm and festive and inviting. I love all of it. The lamp looks so gorgeous with its greenery and the red bulbs. Very Christmassy indeed. I know the inside of your house will be just as fab! You and your mom will be the envy of the neighborhood!

    sheri

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  9. What a beautiful home I love your outside decorating. Now that you're done, how about a trip to NE Iowa and help me with my decorating? Hope your planning on pictures of your inside decorating.

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  10. Looks beautiful! Helps me get in the spirit!

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  11. Nothing Griswoldian about that! YOu should see some of the houses in my neighborhood--like the one that has lights and lit lawn ornaments that *flash* in time to *music*. Ugh!

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  12. Your house just Screams Christmas Coni !!! I love it !!! So Pretty. I want to decorate now !!!

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  13. Now Stewey, lets give the old girl some credit here. Your homestead looks pretty darn good to me. Me thinks she has done you proud this year. Perhaps for xmas you could refrain from using the drapes as your washroom.

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  14. The mental image of shoving that wreath out the window will have me laughing all season. Thank you.
    Have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

    Victoria

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  15. The house looks wonderful and festive! I was reading through the post thinking, "Thank God Coni has gotten over her infatuation with that DAMN SCARECROW" and lo and behold the DAMN SCARECROW is mentioned. I was really hoping this was just a phase you Mo-ther was going through. Perhaps he-who-shall-remain-nameless will take a back seat (like in the closet behind everything) in your Mo-ther's life after Thanksgiving. Of course, she could find a Santa she falls for, Stewey. Please get her out more often. Even chasing the local wildlife is better for her than a man stuffed with straw or a really fat guy who rides around only one night a year.

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  16. I agree that your decorations are not too much at all. Just right in fact. Very nicely done Coni. I love the idea of the wreath popping out of the window like that.

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  17. OMG Stewey you are so funny I laugh hysterically every time I read your blog posts and the people I work with stare at me like I am insane!

    The homestead looks lovely and I am jealous because I have to wait on a DH to put up anything at ours...but he refuses to nail or make any holes in the house....

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  18. Looks very festive! And I love Rusty now that he's finished!!

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