Hello, my dear friends. It has been quite some time since you've heard from me, and although my stupid mo-ther would have you believe that it was HER decision to keep me away from the computer and Blogville, please know that this is most definitely not the case. I've been a busy pup, and although she thinks that I've been entrenched in my fort, I've managed to slip away for some very high-level meetings in some very high-level places.
If and when all of my recent plans come to fruition, you will be the first to know. I can't reveal too much at this moment, but let's just say that Harry Potter won't be the only one with his own theme park , and I intend to create a worldwide phenomenon that will rival ANYTHING having to do with vampires. Stay tuned, won't you?
So yesterday was another "interesting" day with the old lady and her stitching. As you might know from recent posts, she's been happily stitching away on a delightful canvas from Maggie, and despite my strongest objections to getting all "up in her head" about it, she officially went right over the edge at about 11:42 last night.
We hit the Happy Chair at about three in the afternoon and Mommie Dearest decided that she was going to tackle the beading on the first flower. (You know...the one with the chenille center.) Anywhoose, she got the beads out, fished through the kit for the very special beading needle and the beads, and got to it.
Seven and a half hours later, the canvas went flying across the room and a string of expletives spewed forth from her mouth that had me running for cover. I didn't hear every single word, but I got the gist of it based upon how red and sweaty her face was and how furiously she was looking for her seam ripper.
Turns out that my stupid mom doesn't like the particular shade of green that's on that flower. At all. As a matter of fact, I think she said something about not liking that particular shade of green the very day that she GOT the canvas, so why she decided to spend seven and a half hours putting beads on that area (that are sadly the same particular shade of green that she doesn't care for), is beyond me.
All I know is that after a fitful night's sleep, I heard her on the phone leaving a message for the girls at Beadecked and Beadazzled. I think it went something like this...
"Hello, darlings! (My mo-ther thinks she's Barbara Streisand sometimes.) (Trust me. She's not). This is Coni out here in Indiana and I've got a stitchy 9-1-1. I just can't live with the green on my canvas, so I need you to send me Splendor, Boucle, floss, and beads that will match Fuzzy Stuff F32. So is you could just mail those off toot sweet, that would be FABulous."
She tried to sound all chipper and breezy, but even I could tell that she was on the very tippy edge of a nervous breakdown. The thought of having to remove a ga-jillion and a half beads from this canvas has sent her straight to the big girl sleigh bed with a bad case of the vapours.
I suppose that now would be a very bad time to point out that the bird is stitched in the wrong color. Do you think I should tell her, or save it for AFTER she's had a proper lunch of Merlot and Wheat Thins?
So that's the report from Lake Woebespinster today. All in all a pretty normal day. I'm doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it and mo-ther is stumbling around in a freakin' daze. I have NOT, I'll have you know, watered the drapes yet, so I suppose that progress is being made on at least one front around here.
Stay cool, kids! It's gonna' be a scorcher, so make sure to hydrate!
With love from your pal,