Mar 1, 2010

UNCLE BOBSLED?

My stupid mo-ther can't come to the blog right now. She is in Vancouver. At least I think she's in Vancouver, since she said "Stewey, Mummy is going to Vancouver to get you a special uncle. Lock the door, no parties, and stay off of the internet until I get back."

It all started when we were watching the Olympics (for the fifteenth damn day in a row, I might add). Something called the four-man bobsled competition was on and suddenly my mom's head popped up from her stitching and she became transfixed with the guy that drives the silly contraption.

Normally I don't pay too much attention when the old lady sets her sights on some new piece of man meat, but this one put her right over the edge when she found out that she and this man share the same birth date. Please note I said birth DATE and not birth DAY. From what I can gather from the internets, Mom has underpants that are older than this guy.

In any event, she seems determined to meet and then kidnap Mr. Holcomb and bring him back to Chex Spinster for what can only presumably be refered to as a wedding "under extreme duress". Normally, I wouldn't worry too much about whatever cocka-mamie scheme my mom has dreampt up, but this time, she produced a picture of her intended groom and his groomsmen, and has now pasted it in her little book:

So that's the report for today. I hope that this little update will allow you to stop worrying about her (and me too, think you very much). We're fine...warm and safe and dry, without a watered drape in sight.

Happy Monday!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

19 comments:

  1. omg, I am literally lol'ing and I'm at work and that is NOT a good thing to be doing, drawing all this attention to myself, etc...

    Hey, that guy should NOT be wearing that unitard! I don't mean it unkindly, but that's just wrong!

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  2. Hmmm, I can see you're not happy, Stewey, is it the thought of maybe having to go out on practice runs on the sled that's got you all anxious? Congratulations on pee-free drapes (or curtains as we call them in my country, lol!). Please let us know when Coni gets back.

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  3. Boy do I feel foolish when I consider all the possibilities I considered for the lack of reports for so long when the truth is so re-assuring. Kidnapping the driver of the US bobsled team and hosting a shot-gun wedding? No biggie.
    I hope you got more stitching done during the Olympics than I did!
    Anne

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  4. Stewey, you must understand that those of us born on 4/14 (regardless of year) have an undeniable connection! Mother simply cannot help herself when she finds such an interesting gentlemen is part of the select group ;)

    I have to admit, if I didn't already share my home with three adorable schnauzers (ok, and a husband and two kids), I'd join her on her quest to meet another 4/14-er.

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  5. Well, he certainly can drive a bobsled.

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  6. his team mates aren't bad either! :)

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  7. Yay! You're back! Glad everything is okay and that your "disappearance" was nothing more than a simple obsession...

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  8. I thought, perhaps, Coni had fled to Vancouver after the hot Mr. Morris http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Morris_(curler)...

    I wish I had!

    Stewey, look on the bright side: your future step-father looks like a nice guy. Perhaps he'll fill your life with treats and toys!

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  9. Man meat? OMG, I'm putting that one in my "mind file"! Thanks for the laugh!

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  10. I`m happy your absence was nothing more than an infatuation Coni...

    Coni?

    CONI!?!?!

    My god, I think she is really off to Vancouver!!

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  11. The worst thing for me is that I was more than half way through the post before I realised that it WASN'T Stewey typing the report, mainly because I felt that posting pictures was beyond his capability......(face-palm) Apologies to Stewie if indeed he is physically and mentally capable of manipulating keyboards....

    Thank you Coni for the giggle...and welcome back to the relative sanity of blog-land.

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  12. Oh no, I wonder what the poor unsuspecting Mr. Holcomb will think of this plan!!?? Will mother make him sit in the happy chair and wind bobbins in his unitard? This could be a disasterous plan and might involve jail time. You poor little dog....

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  13. So Miss Coni, here we all were worrying about you and Stewey. And what do we find, Stewey abandoned whilst you flit off to Vancouver in hunt of a fella and a Granny Squeeze.Poor Srewey, no wonder he has issues.Cheers Karen in Australia.

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  14. LOLOLOL! Why not go get him? Go, Coni, go. He's the only one I've seen so far that looks similar to the way I'd look in one of those suits (note the belly and thighs).

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  15. Oh Coni, I'm so sorry you can't have him. See, he is the one I picked from the Olympics. I found it so refreshing to find a "real man" at the games, not one of those athletic types that doesn't stretch the latex until its breaking point like I would. I figure that since I have a few years on you and that my birthday is April 16th (close enough since I was 17 days over due)senority should win. Ok, it sounded logical in my sorry little brain.
    Hugs to Stewey.

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  16. OK, no fighting over the hunk-of- burning-love-bobsledding-man- meat! Besides, I do believe he is married, and a wife as a threesome is a real downer. Although, a man who goes whipping around curves as fast as he does could make one "dizzy".

    Glad to have you back, Coni and Stewey. I was getting ready to call out the paramedics, and the firemen. I love a man in uniform.

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  17. Hello! Just wanted to let you know how much fun it is to read about you and your little dog. I've just recently stumbled upon your blog and since you've taken a little break, I decided to visit your archives and start from the beginning. Your a hoot! I love the story about the Craft Day gone askew involving the fire department. LOL! My morning tea is ready and I have some time to relax so off to read I go! Have a lovely day!

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  18. I say go for it Mom...Stewey can use the competition and boy toys are fun!

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