Feb 16, 2010
My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's sitting in a corner rocking back and forth and sniffling into a hanky. At first, I thought it was because she discovered my "deposit" on the dining room floor, but when I asked her what was wrong she just replied "Oh, Stewey Dearest. Your mommie had no idea that there were such wonderful people in the world."
We were having our requisite winter afternoon snoozy nap when the doorbell rang. I bolted to the door immediately to greet our friendly neighborhood mailman, Mr. Jim. When Mom opened the door, I sprinted out to the front patio, growled menacingly, and then peed on his boots for good measure. Fortunately, Mr. Jim knows me pretty well so he was completely nonplussed by my behavior.
He did, however, do me a dirty deed when he handed over a very large package to my stupid mo-ther, all the while laughing that "Looks like Stewey's been on the internet again. This box is for him."
And what do you suppose my mo-ther did then? Why, she marched right into the office and OPENED MY PACKAGE without a "please?" or "may I?" in sight.
Oh, the bounteous glory that was inside! I received a little stuffed toy, the "P.S. I Love You" soundtrack, and a canister of Ina's "Sinful Hot Chocolate Mix". (Mom got a bag of little chicken treats that I'll give her during training time.)
This in itself would have been enough to make anybody's day, but I also received a very intimate letter (along with accompanying romantic photo) of my darling Ms. Carmen Sandiego Graley Her Very Self.
It was the perfect Valentine's Day gift from such a special lady. And yes, my darling, I'll see you in Louisville again in May. (But let's not tell anyone about our secret trysts mon ami. They are for us and us alone, n'est pai?)
My heart beats for you and you alone,
IMPORTANT NOTE ADDED FROM MOMMIE AFTER THIS POST WENT TO PRESS:
We need to discuss your present dating situation. In the last ten minutes I've received no less than sixteen irate phone calls telling me to "Put that cheating bast--d on the phone right now!". Is there something you'd like to tell me? You need to be more mindful of people's hearts, my precious. One at a time, please.
With love from your Mommie Dearest.
P.S. Oh, Aunt Chrissy is going to be pi**ed.
Posted by Coni