Jan 8, 2010

WHY MY PESKY COUSIN BOSCO UPCHUCKED ON THE RUG, BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SNIPPLY SELF

First, please allow me to send you all my very heartfelt thank you for your kind wishes. As you might have heard, I have been suffering from a head cold, and my stupid mo-ther is no help whatsoever. I've heard about women who are born without a maternal gene in their bodies. I just never thought I would be stuck with one.

I did manage to launder several hankies last night, and I do have plenty of supplies in my emergency kit, so I think all will be well today. I am sipping a little hot tea, having a small biscuit, and enjoying a beautiful snowy landscape out the back window. Fortunately for me, my little smoking jacket is insulated, since the old lady insists on keeping this place as cold as a meat locker.

My Aunt Chrissy and pesky cousin Bosco were here yesterday for some marathon stitching and "West Wing" watching, but neither Mom nor Aunt Chrissy really understood much of it. They had to keep re-winding the episodes to figure out what things meant, and I swear they both had headaches from thinking so hard. I heard Aunt Chrissy try to blame the elementary school nuns for their complete lack of comprehension, but methinks it's just because the two of them together add up to about half a 40 watt light bulb. Maybe all of this stitching is rotting their brains?

While I was a PERFECT little pup and preferred to sleep on my perch most of the day, Bosco played the IN/OUT game until Aunt Chrissy yelled at him to just sit the hell down already. I think he wanted to go outside to play with the birds and squirrels at the back feeders, but I've already trained all of them to skeedaddle whenever Mom lets me out. (What can I say? I like a little privacy when I'm trying to do my thing.)

Anywhoose, the idiot...er, I mean...my cousin would go outside and throw himself around in the snow like he was having a fit of some kind. At one point, he went over to a snow drift and stuck his entire head and torso face first into it so that only his heiney was showing! Dumb dog.

Mo-ther felt bad that his "poor little head" was getting cold (uh...HELLO!? I'm the one with the sniffles..remember?), so she went into my closet and retrieved a hat for him.

When I tell you that this hat was definitely NOT on his color wheel and that I think it qualified him for an episode of "What Not To Wear", I'm not kidding. And, after Mom put the damn thing on him, both she and my Aunt Chrissy dissolved into puddles of laughter and "almost" peed their pants. I felt sorry for the little guy. How embarrassing.

The good news is that Bosco finally got his revenge when it was almost time for them to go home. He threw up on Mom's rug and then turned around and gave her a look that pretty much told her what she could do with her hat. I must say, I was rather proud of him.

I'll let Mom tell you more about her stitching at a later date. She's locked in her office muttering to herself over some mail that she got yesterday. Apparently she has lost all ability to decipher the Engligh language, because I hear her hollering "What the hell does this MEAN?!" over and over again. Must be tax time.

I hope that you will have a splendid weekend. I am going to park myself in front of the tube and catch up on all of my shows. There are at least six episodes of "Steven Segal Lawman" that I want to see, as well as the special "Iron Chef" that was filmed at the White House.

If you're west of us, please be careful out there...I just heard that you're going to get hit with more snow tonight, so stock up on provisions and stay inside!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

14 comments:

  1. "Maybe all of this stitching is rotting their brains?"

    No, Stewey, in fact, studies have shown complex needlework(ing) actually helps improve cognative ability.

    Had I not just made that fact up I would provide you with the studies. Of course it is entirely possible that someone, somewhere, has done a study on this. Maybe more stitching, and research, is necessary.

    And Stewey, posting that picture of poor Bosco is just mean. Not as mean as putting that hat on him in the first place, but still. You better hope Santa forgets about this by Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree, Stewey, very mean. However I'm sorry Mo-ther didn't take the hint and you had to wash your hankies yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am amazed the hat didn't fall off. That is what happens when I try to put one on Grace Kelly.

    I am glad you are feeling a bit better and have an adequate supply of hankies.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aawww Stewey, I do hope you are feeling better. Too funny about your cousin and his revenge for the hat!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ah, my sweet prince, Stewey, I too have been battling a cold, so I feel your pain. Luckily I was not drinking anything when I got to the picture of Bosco. Oy! I laughed and laughed. Stay warm and dry and I hope you feel better soon!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Priceless post and photo of Bosco. Don't tell him, but I laughed out loud too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. so I might be a little slow!:) But have the jars, in the main picture on your blog name, always had the months of the year listed on them?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stewey,

    Our mother also dresses us in dumb outfits - did you see the leopard print things she put on us one time? Do we LOOK like leaopards? Do you think we NEED a fur coat from another animal? Yeah, our mother is dumb, too.

    BTW, Stewey, just wondering if you're single? Gracie might be a little young for you and she's kind of bossy, kind of like our mothers, so I wondered if you'd like to go out sometime? I think we could give new meaning to howling at the moon, if you know what I mean.....

    Love, Sophie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stewey, I love your sense of humor! Especailly with your beloved cousin Bosco and that rad hat.... go easy on mom as when bounces off the walls during this upcoming tax season....here's wishing you were a tax deductible dependant and as you pee the drapes, it were a business expense!! Keep us laughting!~

    ReplyDelete
  10. You made my not to good of a day great Stewey !!! I have to admit Bosco was funny in that hat. Coni, your homelife is a bit of sunshine each Day !!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. But did your poor cousin feel better after his, uh, incident? I hope his tummy is alright now.
    Tahe care of your sniffles and just let mo-ther stew with her problems.
    Enjoy the weekend -- all of you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really love your blog. I have a miniature snouzer, Muffin, and love her to death. These pets are a wonderful happening in our lives, so funny, and truly loving. Sometimes I think they think for us LOL. Surely enjoy your cuties! I have one myself that's sleeping beside me right now. She'll know when 8 o'clock is, because that is when she gets her teeth brushed. She can tell time and is up and ready to go then. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sorry you are not feeling well Stewey. Hope you get better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's always good to know that other pets puke. Now that Merlin doesn't go outside much, it seems that puking has become his new sport. Ew.

    ReplyDelete