Dec 28, 2009

THE CHRISTMAS REPORT, PART DEAUX BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

Hello, my dear stitchy bloggy friends! (Who would ever have imagined that lil 'ol me....a nine-pound bundle of joy dressed up as a Jack Russell terrier would be able to call stitchers friends?!)

I see that my mo-ther filled you in on a few of the Christmas Day activities. Yes, I was a complete MANIAC with my Zhu Zhu, but I feel it necessary to point out that...I AM A DOG! I AM A DOG THAT WAS CREATED FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF HUNTING SMALL FURRY CREATURES! I AM A DOG THAT WAS CREATED FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF HUNTING SMALL FURRY CREATURES AND THEN KILLING THEM DEAD!

What the hell did they expect from me? That I was going to put the little $*#&% in a baby carriage and parade it around the neighborhood? For cryin' out loud...I act like an actual dog once every four years and my stupid mo-ther and aunt pee themselves with laughter. Sheesh.

Anywhoose, my Zhu Zhu has been on "hiatus" for a few days, but I am determined to figure out where the little $*#&% is hiding and have another go. I've already written a letter of complaint to the manufacturer that the "Specialty Play Dome" needs some SERIOUS work and that it needs to be a bit more challenging to break into, but I haven't heard anything back from them yet. I've also volunteered to be a product tester for any/all items that they decide to release in the future. We'll see how that goes and whether or not it is a conflict of interest with the other gigs I've got going around here. (My attorney is looking into it for me.)

Mom has been spending almost all of her time with that damn Kindle. She's even gone so far as to name it. Ellison. What the hell kind of a name is THAT? She claims that it's because the screen had a picture of Ralph Ellison on it when Aunt Chrissy gave it to her, but I think she named it that just to annoy me. All I know is that if I hear "Oh, Ellison, you're the very best think that ever happened to me" one more time I'm going to throw up.

I know that mo-ther wants you to think that ELLISON was the best present that she received, but there are two others that she has been fixated on. The first one she told you about...the book from Ina. It figures that my gd'd cousin comes up with a great gift the year I decided not to do any shopping of my own! Mom keeps looking at me saying "Stewey, Ina Garten knows my name!". Then she breaks out into the ugly snot cry and has to go lay down for an hour. If I wasn't such a big fan of Ms. Garten myself, I'd drag that damn thing out to the patio and bury it in the snow.

The other gift that has my stupid mo-ther in complete hysterics every ten minutes is a canvas that Aunt Chrissy gave her. Ever since I've been here there has been a needlepoint picture of a girl reading a book hanging in the bedroom. When I asked Mom about it, she told me that her Mommie made it for her and that it is her most prized possession. I assume that she means "most prized possession AFTER you, my Stewey Darling", but I don't want to push my luck in light of the PeePalooza that I had over the weekend.
Apparently, a lovely lady had purchased this piece and had started it, but realized that she would never finish it. So she took it to the LNS to see if anybody wanted to purchase it. Aunt Chrissy did, and I don't think Mom has stopped looking at it since. I think it's called something like trame', and it's done on Penelope canvas. From what I can tell, Mom will need to buy wool thread to use on this one, and she'll have to do all tent/continental stitches on it to fill in the guidelines. Considering the size of it, methinks she'll be at this one for quite a while, but I heard her say that she wants to put this on her Stitchy List That Will Not Become A Major Source of Angst and Guilt No Matter How Far We Stray From It for 2010.

In other stitchy news, Mom has decided to participate in the Prairie Schooler Alphabet Stitch-A-Long over at Ms. Vonna's:http://psabcbee.blogspot.com/ I'll be interested to see how she pulls this one off, especially since she's already stressing out about the thread conversion. She keeps waffling back and forth as to whether or not to do it in the DMC colors or whether or not she should convert to overdyed. Stay tuned.

Well, it's time for some serious napping. I have a new holiday blanket that I'm really enjoying, so I don't want to spend too much time away from it.I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and that you'll stick with me through the New Year. I know that I come off like I'm a self-assured little guy and that I rule the world, but sometimes it's just nice to be sure of you.

With love from your pal,
Stewey

12 comments:

  1. Oh Stewey, I am glad you got your zhu zhu toy. I would love to see you destroy it. Your mo-ther got some very nice Christmas gifts! I too am involved in Ms. Vonna's SAL of the PS alphabet. It will take me years as I am not as fast a stitcher as anyone else!

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  2. Stewey - thank you for your Christmas report! Glad you had a good time with your zhu zhu. How will you be spending the New Year holiday???

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  3. Stewey, of course you wanted to kill the zhu zhu...what was your mo-ther thinking? She does know you're a terrier, right?

    Your mother got some lovely gifts for Christmas. I can't wait to see what she does with the PS piece.

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  4. That sure was some performance Stewey - I can see why your mother and aunt were entertained - you need to understand that's what pets are for - entertainment! Glad your mother likes all her fun gifts. Happy New Year

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  5. Oh Stewey....be nice to the ZhuZhu!~ just pee the curtains again if you feel the urge to gnarl that little thing!!! Mom is ambitious, no? I wish her luck Vonna deal for 2010 and cant wait to see her updates with it!!! Now behave Stew-man~~

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  6. Stewey, once again you have managed to bring a smile to my face! Here's looking forward to what adventures and stories you will share with us in the new year!

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  7. What a Wonderful Christmas! Carmen is jealous and wants to know when she can come over for a playdate. Santa brought her a new shock collar (seriously)....and some treats and toys too. Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Stewey and Connie, I love your blog.It always makes me laugh!!

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  9. Stewey, red IS your color. Love the new Stewey-bed. And it wil be interesting to see if your mo-ther doesn't stress out over the PS SAL. Deadlines, you know.
    Happy New Year to you and your mo-ther.

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  10. Coming out of lurkmode=) So funny! I bet Stewey was hilarious with that zhu zhu. I got a kindle for my birthday & it is so addicting. I can't believe how quickly I can download all the novels I want.

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  11. I am glad you got your Zhu-Zhu Stewey. Try not to destroy it all at once...your Mo-ther would probably like to think you got some quality play time for her money.

    Please tell your mommy that I have mostly stitched the LJP that I started (red white and blue stars, can`t remember the name) but am stuck on the border. I will get a pic to her soon. Cuddles....mj

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  12. Oh Coni, loved to read your and Stewey's Christmas report. Glad to see that both of your were having a great time with your presents, lol.

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