You wanna' know how smart I am?
I set my hair on fire tonight with my stitching light and my spiffy glasses. Yes. That's right. Hair. On. Fire.
When you were a little kid, did you ever take a magnifying glass outside and set ants on fire? (Of course you didn't, but you heard about it, right?) Well, if you understand that concept (which apparently, I did not), you can achieve the very same results with a desk lamp and some 2.0 magnifying glasses parked on top of your head because you just had to watch the last four minutes of "Lipstick Jungle" without the distraction of glasses on your nose.
Please allow me to summarize: Sniff sniff. What the $#* !!! Stewey, Mommie's on FIRE! Quick, Stewey, call 9-1-1 just like they taught you in Puppy School! Oh wait, what am I talking about? You flunked Puppy School because you simply refused to remove yourself from being attached to my neck and you thought the other puppies were smelly and ill-mannered. Water! I need to put water on the fire! Oh why can't I have my usual glass of water on the table?! Why did I have to decide to stop drinking water after 6pm because I'm so tired of getting up to pee every six minutes during the night! Oh no! I was going to color my hair this weekend! I wonder if the FIRE will affect the ability for the color to get rid of the grey! FIRE! I! AM! ON! FIRE!
So I ran into the kitchen and stuck my head under the faucet for a full ten minutes. Crisis over, but the smell will linger, I'm sure.