Jun 26, 2008

WHY I SHOULD BE DEPORTED OR MORE HEAVILY MEDICATED

I have long suspected that stitchers who do their own finishing are either a) complete and total geniuses or b) certifiably insane.

It all started innocently enough. I was happily stitching away when I noticed that all of my scissors are nekkid. Nope. Not a thing on them. Not a fob or a keep or a wee little biscornu in sight.

So I got all patriotic-like and decided to stitch a little something for my Gingher Freedoms (or maybe they're Glorys, I can't remember.)

But I digress.

I used a borrowed Shepard's Bush chart from Chrissy and came up with a little stitchy piece that seemed to be the perfect size for what I envisioned.

That's always the fatal flaw, isn't it? What one envisions and what one is able to execute are often not remotely on the same planet.

Considering the infamous GLUE GUN INCIDENT of 2006 I suppose I was already taking my life into my hands by even attempting such a thing, but I got it into my head that I could make a lovely little scissor keep.

I give you exhibit A:

The thing on the left is supposed to be scissor keep. I say supposed to be, because, as you can plainly see, there isn't a keep on the damn thing. As a matter of fact, the only thing this KEEP is KEEPING is a lot of fabric glue and about eighteen feet of really crappy twisted perle cotton that is trying desperately to be cording.

But did I give up, go downstairs, regain my senses and forget about this little disaster? Absolutely not. In the spirit of all that is stitchy and holy, I proceeded to make this:


"Well, gosh Coni", you say behind your horrified expression. "It's not THAT bad."

Oh yeah? Well, take a look at the back of it that I couldn't even photograph clearly because it was SO crappy the the camera simply refused to focus on it:

Yup, you guessed it. More glue and even more facacta cording. Only this time, just to make it interesting, I decided to put some pins in it to make it really REALLY pretty.

Oh. My. God. The tragedy that was this finishing session will follow me forever. The stench of failure is so heavy in the air that I am simply gasping for breath and wishing for the sweet release of unconsciousness.

Never, never, never again.

13 comments:

  1. Coni, please don't give up. Your biggest problem is that you should have hand stitched your piece together--instead of glueing, or is that gluing? You are great with a needle so do what you do best! If interested, I can "walk" you thru it step by step, and I promise that you will have a dressed pair of scissors to grace your chair. It can really be easy. (I know, you don't believe, and neither did I until a friend forced me to try.)
    Hugs
    Debs

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  2. If Debs doesn't manage to 'walk you thro" I will offer myself to come visit you in that lovely stitching studio for a couple of finishing sessions!

    Coni, seriously if I can help in any way please email me or if you let me have your address, I will make you a fob!

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  3. Of course you'll do it again, this is exactly what happens to us all, and we succumb and try again and eventually we are so excited we have to photograph it at every possible angle and show it to all who want to see it and those who are not in the least bit interested as well .... persevere, i can see offers of help from others on here to guide you along ... eagerly awaiting your next try

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  4. If all else fails, you can pay people to do this for you. And also teach you to do it. The Silver Needle sometimes has a day where Mona shows you how to finish a few projects. Mona teaches you to glue.

    Also, as a devoted follower of the USCIS, I'm pretty sure this isn't a deportable offense. ;)

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  5. I love visiting your blog, your work is so beautiful and you are such an entertaining storyteller!

    Don't give up on the finishing, I'm sure you'll master it all!

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  6. Its not really that bad - it just looks like you had some cording/tassle issues and I could show you how to attach that so that you get a pretty hanger and tassle. :D

    Maybe we could meet up for an ornament finishing session in the fall. :D

    Don't give up.... There are several blogs that show step by step instructions and pictures that are pretty good. Try these out:

    http://focusonfinishing.wordpress.com/useful-links/

    http://thetwistedstitcher.blogspot.com/ (scroll down for tutorials)

    I know there are others....

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  7. I think it's a great effort for your first attempt!

    I do agree with debs...step away from the glue. For these smalls, needle and thread is the way to go (and I *know* you're comfortable with that!).

    I offer moral support, but also a tutorial that I wrote! http://www.annettesacre.com/lessons/scissorfob.html

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  8. You are too funny!

    They don't look near as bad as you make it sound, especially for a first attempt. I used Annette's tutorial for my first (and only, so far) fob. Her instructions are very clear and, I'm very pleased with how it turned out. Call it operator error that I meant to put beads on it and forgot until I was mor than halfway around. Oops. Next time...

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  9. Wow - I should proofread before I publish. The misplaced comma should have been before "and", and that "mor" should have been "more". Egads!

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  10. Annette's instructions are great! Now I will have to consider making a fob...

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  11. Don't give up, that is how we all learn. At least you were brave enough to try it. There are some things I won't even try for fear on not doing a good job.

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  12. I feel your pain! I attempted my first pinkeep last weekend and it was for an exchange! After an entire night of pressing, cutting, twisting cord with a cute little cording gizmo that kept falling apart, trying glue and switching to needle and thread, LOTS of swearing and yelling at the cats (just because), a needleprick or two, it was finished. And I actually liked it! Then my smart a** daughter came to visit and remarked that I had put too many pins into it. Is it still child abuse to beat a 29 year old over the head with the aforementioned pinkeep? Anyway, my point (yes, I have one) is that you should give it another shot. Or send it off to the Twisted Stitcher! LOL
    Thanks for your wonderful "take" on life. You make me laugh at loud and I appreciate that to no end. My friends keep encouraging me to blog and yours is definitely an inspiration...stitching and blogging wise.

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  13. AMEN! LOL I really enjoyed this post and your two more recent ones. I'm finishing pinkeeps and though not as hard, they're no piece of cake either! In fact I need some cake, lots of it, pizza and pop too and then maybe I can finish them! I've had to go back to Joanns for glue cause I'm using LOTS! LOL Your pieces look great! PS, try ribbon, also available at the incredible store called Joanns! I don't mess with that twisting action always fails when I do! :-)

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